Looking for Mr. Right

Question: I think about sharing my life as an individual who, is independent with a person who is similar and strong in independence and may also seek as I do a relationship which may want to share a life together to learn ,to love, to care for each other, and in all things in marriage. I wonder is it wrong for me to want that to hold back until I find that spiritual strength in another, a man and me a woman in our forties is that too much to seek in this time in our lives. I worry if I don’t wait it may cause low esteem for me that I lessoned my spiritual needs. Answer: There is nothing wrong with taking your time before you commit to a relationship with someone. On the other hand it could simply be a matter of not having fallen in love. Some people’s feelings are led by their minds insofar as they don’t allow themselves to be emotionally vulnerable if they aren’t sure whether the person involved meets their qualifications. rnI don’t know if that applies to you or not, but if you are in your forties and you are looking for assurances that it is okay to wait you find a partner that meets your expectations of spiritual strength, then you may want to look at your beliefs around marriage. For instance, who is to say whether a spiritually strong and independent partner is actually what you need for your own growth and happiness in relationship? Your inability to find someone who meets the standards of your vague ideals of the perfect mate may also be a way to rationalize your fears of intimacy and emotional vulnerability. Independence is a wonderful quality, but marriage is also a leap of faith into the great mystery of union and mutual dependence. That simultaneously can feel like a great comfort and a great threat to the self. To those who pride themselves on their independence, the mind sometimes tries to control this process by setting rational criteria upon which the partnership can succeed while maintaining a safe emotional separation. But love and life is a tangled, beautiful mystery that can’t be contained or controlled by our mental machinations. It’s more fun to consciously jump in and not worry about making the right decisions or finding the “right” man. Let your heart have more of a say in this and it will lead you directly to who you need to be with. rnLove,rnDeepak