Losing Yourself In A Marriage: I Feel So Lost In My Marriage

Losing Yourself In A Marriage: I Feel So Lost In My Marriage

There are few things more frustrating than feeling that you are being ordered around without having an opinion. While everyone would agree it is better to be asked to do something rather than be told, this nicety can get lost in a marriage. Understanding that your husband's desire is to lead and control will help you respond to him positively. Here's how to get your husband's guidance and not have him control you.

Men want to build and grow while women want to nurture and expand. Those might sound like the same goals but they are actually different. A husband in his desire to take the lead, may forget the nurturing and relationship side of the marriage and instead go straight into building mode despite the obstacles.

Your husband's inner desire to lead is part of the way God created him. However, that leadership role is meant to be the result of the combined efforts of you and your husband. He needs you to incorporate his big picture thinking into your relationship focus so that feelings do not get hurt in the rush to accomplish. This is a how to get your husband's guidance and not have him control you.

If your husband tends to micromanage the relationship let him know what your schedule is and what your work list looks like. It is important that he sees you as capable and efficient. This will encourage him to share his schedule with you and you will develop trust along the way.

Remembering that God put you together in a marriage to work as a team takes your attention from the outcome and back into the workout process. Suggest he offer you a choice of options to temper his leadership style from control to guidance.

True love is wanting the best for your husband, putting his needs first and believing he is doing the same in loving you. Leadership is about bringing out the best in others and not being the boss or making yourself look good. Encourage your husband to treat others the way he wants to be treated. It is usually easier to follow than to lead. So as your husband encounters different challenge and struggles be there for him. Be sensitive and avoid saddling him even with more issues. And more importantly, ask how you can help him.

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Most people are not readily equipped to handle a marriage crisis. After all, who goes into a marriage expecting to get divorced or even be on the brink of divorce? So when you feel yourself ripped apart by a marriage on the brink of collapse, it can be overwhelming! Every morning you wake up and are gripped all over again by the pain. Where do you turn for help? What do you do? Is there a way to save your failing marriage?

The reality is that not all marriages can be saved. But an even more important reality is that far too many marriages end in divorce. It doesn't have to be this way! You can save your marriage even in a crisis whether your spouse is trying to save it or not. You will have to take the action though. It will not be sufficient to simply be a nice person and hope the problem goes away.

The single best thing you can do right now for your marriage is to get control of negative emotions and replace them with positive and more resourceful emotions. Your words and actions over the next few hours, days and weeks will make or break your chances to save this marriage. The negative emotions that are so common during a marriage crisis (begging and crying, anger, jealousy, arguing, threats, guilt trips and constant smothering behavior) absolutely have to be avoided.

Replace these negative emotions with confidence, calm, belief in your marriage and personal resolve to do whatever it takes. Also you must acknowledge your spouse's pain and give them the space and freedom to sort out the way they are feeling too. Often this can create a period that will buy some time and get them wondering if divorce is really the best answer. Then you can begin working your plan. What plan you might ask?

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The most attractive quality in a woman is vulnerability. Vulnerability goes very well with men's drive to protect. It creates sexual polarity and we get attracted to each other as magnets.

Vulnerability is strength.

It is the ability to openly share how we feel, to lift the veil of our internal world. It can be terrifying to open up to someone, especially when they have hurt us. We often shut down when we feel hurt: shut down, turn away and become angry and resentful. We push down our feelings and present a brick wall to the world 'no one can hurt me, I'm fine, I don't depend on you'.

Then we exude repelling energy, pushing away those we love because it is hard to hold those pent up feelings inside. The only way we can suppress those feelings is to push our partner away.

Relationships get destroyed because of our fear to be vulnerable.

The conscious practice is when we feel pain and desire to run away, we turn towards our partner and open up our feelings without blaming him.

Here is what I feel. Here is who I am. You hurt me. I love you, I care about you, that's why this is so painful.

Here is my story: we woke up, made love on the deck, sun shining bright. I felt loved, happy and very open. We decided to go for a swim and I was a bit slow trying to hang our washings. He got irritated; he hates to wait for me. I got very hurt, because the contrast was so dramatic. I pushed away my tears and felt resentment coming up. On the beach I caught myself pulling away from him and putting an armour around me.

With consciousness and courage I faced him, asked if we could talk and I told him, with tears in my eyes, that his irritation hurt me. It was not an easy thing to do, I tell you. I chose to turn towards him rather than do what my instinct told me - run away and protect. This brought more intimacy; he softened, said sorry and explained his point of view, how hard it is for him to wait.

Remember the last time you got hurt and what did you do? Is there a way you can be more open and vulnerable with your feelings? Feel the fear and resistance and do it anyway.

Do you want to reawaken a committed and loving relationship in your marriage? There are proven steps that are amazingly powerful that will help you overcome conflicts and breathe life back into your marriage. This is a plan you do not want to pass by. Click here to see the proven steps on how to save your marriage.

Are you wondering about how to get your husband to love you again? Perhaps you noticed him being different lately? Does he avoid meeting your gaze? Does it seem like there is no more connection between the two of you that every talking point you initiate end up being futile in the long run? Well, read this article and take advantage of the various tips and tricks that may be shared with you as far as making your husband love you once again is concerned.

1. Re-Ignite The Spark: Do Things You Used To Do Together

First and foremost, spend time to think about something that can bring a new meaning to the relationship. Make sure it is something that your husband will extremely like so that it will be guaranteed to ignite a spark in your marriage. This will surely be a good start of bringing back the romance that has lost its glow for quite a while now.

There are actually a lot of ways to do it and one of which is by doing the things he used to love doing with you. This will somehow bring back not just the happy memories you shared in the past but of course, the old feelings which eventually might just be the trick you need to rekindle his love and affection for you. Watch the last full show in your favorite movie house. Go to that one place where you both fell in love with the band performing, the cocktails and the ambience.

What do I really need to do to make my spouse love me again? Is it possible to build massive attraction in my spouse?

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2. Initiate Communication: Do Not Tire Of Reaching Out

Another way of how to get your husband to love you again is to initiate communication in the relationship. This is actually the most indispensable ingredient of a healthy and successful marriage. Without it, you can be certain that the marriage is doomed to fail. But then, take note as well that communication is not all about talking to one another. You should also know what your husband feels or needs or how he thinks about a particular issue or concern. In that way, your relationship will not turn out a guessing game for both of you in the end.

3. Learn The Art Of Listening

You see, listening to your partner is also another way of knowing how to get your husband to love you again and you can be certain that it can truly help you make the relationship work. Oftentimes, the wife becomes too engrossed with her work or perhaps too busy with the children that she tends to neglect listening to the needs of her husband which becomes one of the reasons why eventually the marriage gets sour. So in order to avoid complications or misunderstandings in your marriage, make it a point that you attend to the needs of your husband before anything else. In that way, he will not feel that you are neglecting him.

In a nutshell, finding out about how to get your husband to love you again is not a difficult job after all. For as long as there is love, everything will surely come out naturally. Do not wait for your husband to file a divorce case against you before you will do something to work things out. After all; there may always be another woman lurking in the dark waiting for your husband to be free.

What If, no matter what your love life is like now - even if there's no man at all, or the man you have is pulling away and you feel alone, scared and angry - you could change everything, practically overnight?

You can! And all it will take is a few simple shifts in your words and body language to connect to a man where it counts... through his heart.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.