Women Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen

Hi Doc,

I met a girl at a nightclub whom I was sure had interest in me. This was due to her body language, and the fact that she told me almost everything about herself within 45 minutes of conversation.

I invited her to my upcoming graduation party, and she accepted. We danced and talked for about an hour, and then as I was about to leave, I suggested that we go out together sometime. She said no because her boyfriend, who was out of town for at the time, probably wouldn't understand. The fact that she had a boyfriend all this time came as a complete surprise to me.

If that wasn't enough, what followed really confused me: she asked me to meet her at the club the following Friday night. I said, "OK," and asked her for home phone number. She gave it to me without hesitation. This is the same girl who shortly before didn't want to go out with me at all.

When I called her a few days later to meet me for coffee, she refused again because of her boyfriend. She then asked me again if I was still meeting her at the club the following Friday. I said I was.

The following Friday at the club, she told me she was happy because her boyfriend was coming back the next day. She must have been scared of me, because she didn't want to leave the club with me to go for a friendly drink. Her sister later told me this was because she was afraid of what might happen between us if we started going out!

Before I left, she asked me again if I was coming back to the club the following Friday. I told her I had to leave town for a month, so I would probably be packing my suitcase. She said I should give her a call before I left town. I replied that it was her turn to call, but only if she wanted to.

Is there a chance this girl wants to leave her boyfriend for me? Should I call her again or should I continue seeing her at the club on Fridays and wait for any opportunities - or should I just give up on her? My female friends have told me to forget her, but my male friends have told me to be persistent, but patient until she let's me know she's ready.

If she isn't interested in me, why would she give me her number and bother talking to me every Friday, being very friendly? On the other hand, if she won't even go out for cup of coffee, how could we possibly progress to the next step? Help me resolve this confusion, Doc.

Sergio - who wants to know what's going on

Hi Sergio,

I can see this girl majored in yo-yo Contests at the University of Womanese, with a minor in giving men man false hope - you would be more likely to get Fidel Castro to tell the truth than have her fall for you! Your male buddies were way off track on this one, but your female friends read the situation correctly: they knew you had a Queen Stroker on your hands.

The Queen Stroker is a sister of the Professional Dater, and like her time-wasting sibling, she has 40%-49% Interest Level. In other words, she may go out with you, but only when it suits her purposes and never out of love for you.

The Queen Stroker will call you from time to time: she may need some furniture moved or her car waxed, but making you happy won't be on her To-do list. This species is a user, and like all users, she has no integrity. For this reason, I predict that your girl will end up breaking the date for your graduation party.

If your girl only wanted to be friends with you, she would have clearly told you - in fact, because she knew you had the hots for her, it would have been her obligation to do so. Instead, she kept you guessing with her puzzling requests for you to meet her at the club.

These invitations only served to make you think she wanted to leave her boyfriend, which in fact, she never intended to do. How do we know her intentions? Through the fact that you mentioned: if a woman won't even go out for cup of coffee, the relationship is dead in the water (By the way, I'm glad to see you read my article on the Short Date: What Could Peter Lynch Teach Men About Dating?).

So, why would a woman do all of this? Well, rather than stare at the four walls while their boyfriends are out of town, some women believe it's more fun to play with male hearts. In your girl's mind, Sergio, you seemed like a safe gentleman to kill time with - plus, you were buying all of the drinks (incidentally, this type of woman often says she hates men who play games in relationships - go figure). Whatever the reason for her behavior, Sergio, The "System" cuts through all of this confusion with one maxim: if the girl is inconsistent about accepting dates, she has low Interest Level. Period.

Sergio, chasing a girl like this means accepting a mayorship to Stoogeville; so don't waste your time. You put the ball in her court with your last remark to her, so forget her - or if you prefer: continue dancing with her on Fridays until one of the other women at the club takes notice of you. Using the user - how about that!

Guys e-mail me at doclove@doclove.com with your love challenges. All will be answered, but because of space, only letters of general interest will be printed. To find out more about The "System" visit me at: www.doclove.com or (800) 404-2644.

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Author's Bio: 

Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?"