Loving the Messiness of Life
Written by Tom King
On the journey through life we all have the potential to be fully awake, alive, and learning how to be a complete adult. It is a journey without a destination and our potential is never exhausted, yet we are compelled forward.
Some choose to simplify life as much as possible in order to reduce anxiety. This may be done by choosing a particular belief system to explain the unexplainable and putting on blinders to anything that does not conform to that view of life. Others focus on control and live under the illusion that if they fret hard enough they can control and predict the course of their path. Still others assume a strategy of appeasement and avoidance, taking a stance of perpetual immaturity.
Most of the clients I work with are choosing to learn to embrace the messiness of life and to respond with as much honesty as they can muster. The path to maturity involves choosing to confront the dilemmas of life and recognizing that you have choices to make. Many times the choices involve pain, but if they are made with integrity and respect for yourself and others you grow forward. Avoidance and staying in a comfort zone keeps you stuck, whereas working through anxiety causes growth.
Relationships are often the crucible, as they show us where we are stuck, how we are hiding, and present dilemmas to us. When we are able to assume responsibility for our growth, learn to speak the truth in love, and stand on our own two feet, we move forward. Sometimes your partner may not be ready for this or will resist and try to keep you in line through manipulation or avoidance. You must allow your partner to move at his or her own pace and remember you have no control or responsibility for his or her growth. All you can really do is move forward and invite your partner to join you on the journey.
Meditation:
Challenge your default ways of responding to the stress of life and relationships. They are remnants of childhood and do not help you. Seek instead to respond with patience, honesty, and openness to learning what this moment offers to teach you. When you embrace the messiness of life it somehow seems a little better. When you learn from each moment you grow forward. Growing forward as an individual changes not only you but your relationship as well.
Article author
About the Author
Further reading
Further Reading
Article
A Look at Avoidant Attachment Styles and How They Work
The early development of avoidant attachment creates a coping mechanism that forms in childhood. Disconnected parent-child interactions typically trigger this condition. People who develop this attachment style learn to depend on their resources. They avoid deep emotional connections. People with this attachment style want intimacy, yet they remain afraid of becoming dependent on others. Understanding Avoidant Attachment Among the four primary attachment styles, avoidant atta
February 6, 2025
Article
Dr. Venus Nicolino: You Have To Make Yourself Available To Find Good Relationships
The idea of making yourself more desirable by making yourself less available doesn't make a lot of sense when you think about it. After all, Juliet would have plunged a premature dagger into the heart of her romance with Romeo if she hid in her room rather than go out on her balcony. The end of Sleepless in Seattle shifts from "awww" to "aw, no" if one of the two main characters skips the trip to the Empire State Building. As these examples from fiction show, making yourself
August 16, 2024
Article
Unspoken Moves: 5 Ways Women Drive Men Wild Without Saying a Word
Whеn it comеs to attraction, actions oftеn spеak loudеr than words. Womеn havе a uniquе ability to captivatе and еnticе mеn without uttеring a singlе syllablе. Whеthеr it's a subtlе glancе or a playful touch, thеsе nonvеrbal cuеs can crеatе an undеniablе chеmistry that words alonе could nеvеr convеy. In this articlе, wе'll еxplorе fivе unspokеn movеs that womеn usе to drivе mеn wild, tapping into thе powеr of body languagе, еyе
August 10, 2024