Marrying a much older man. Every so often I get a client contact me who is hoping to or planning to marry a very mature guy, despite being quite young. A person who jumps to conclusions and is judgmental could wonder why and question their judgment. In some cases it is unwise but not necessarily because of the huge age gap. Let us look at the most common reasons that a younger woman would be marrying a much older man.

1. She is very lonely. She cannot get a man. She has no patience, has very little confidence. She finds that young men do not work out, perhaps she is too quiet for them, or likes to do different things to the things most young people prefer to do. She may have had a relationship with a young guy that did not work out and now be jumping to the conclusion that she is wasting her time with any man of around the same age group.

2. Older men sometimes have more money. The man she is thinking of getting wed to may have a lot of investments, savings, money, a great job or pension. She may see it more like a business arrangement where she keeps him company and makes him happy in return for financial well being. He would be her sugar daddy and if he ever tires of her he would have to give her a good financial settlement.

3. She has met young men she finds immature. They may be obsessed with sex or not wanting to settle down. She prefers someone who is older because they are more settled and take relationships more seriously.

4. She has been hurt by a young guy. They cheated on her, they flirted, she was never sure of their love for her. The old man is more stable,more loyal, more reliable.

5. She believes that the more mature man has more wisdom. He is more able to make good decisions, be steadfast, someone she can lean on in time of crisis, a bit like a father figure. Maybe she never had a good relationship with her father, maybe she never knew him, she needs to feel safe and taken care of.

6. She has done well. Worked hard, been ambitious, earns a high salary and has a lot of qualifications. She is not interested in marrying someone she finds shallow or immature, she prefers someone who she feels is on the same level as her, a hard working person who can match her abilities and can put in as much financially and intellectually as she does. So far she has never met a younger man who can do that.

7. She believes the more mature man is calmer. He is happy to relax. He will not be obsessed with sex or wanting her to get pregnant and raise a family for him.

8. The older man already has children. It would be great to be able to become their stepmother and part of an existing family but she has no interest in having a baby and bringing up a child from scratch.

9. She believes that love and friendship go hand in hand. She sees her forth coming wedding as a meeting of minds, two close friends being together for always. She understand that in a way it is less sexual and more mental than many new marriages but that suits her fine.

Of course, there are other reasons too!

But in reality what can getting wed to a much older guy entail? In some cases health issues become a major concern. The man might be quite fit and healthy when you begin the relationship but how long is it before he get some chronic disease or has an accident which impairs his quality of health and has a knock on effect to the relationship? Will the young woman end up being some sort of carer? Will she be expected to watch his diet,give him a lot of medicine, take him to the doctor and hospital regularly? Will she end up visiting him there? Would she still love him in the same way?

Supposing her elderly man needs to use a zimmer frame, wheelchair, walking stick, hearing aid. How does this affect them and how she feels? What if his eye sight starts to fail? What if he becomes too slow to do much?

Supposing he develops dementia? How would she cope with this?

What happens if the more mature man ends up retiring and has a lot more leisure time but she is still working full time? What happens if she is then expected to be the provider, the bread winner, or do most or all of the housework on top of working full time?

What have they got in common that can happily bind them so that they both enjoy spending a lot of time together over the years to come?

One of the downsides of an age gap relationship of any sort is that friends and family tend to assume the younger one or the richer one has made a mistake, and the other one is using them or taking them for granted. They then wait in the wings to see proof that they were right. Then if the relationship starts to waiver they say "hey, told you" yet it might be just a temporary blip or have nothing at all to do with the age gap.

Some of these people might never have been in love, have no idea of how to make a relationship work, be unhappily single and in their own way jealous, but it would make them feel better about their own lives.

The only thing which really matters is that the couple both want to be together and both benefit from the marriage. In a way it does not matter how they benefit or what other people know or think about it. So long as both of them have thought through the pros and cons carefully before agreeing to it. Because, just as there are downsides to marrying a much older guy there are downsides to this guy marrying a much younger woman. By Beth Shepherd psychic relationship expert.
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Author's Bio: 

Beth Shepherd psychic relationship expert, offering many years of experience. Free readings available on the site.
1 2 1 consultations available with Beth by email and phone. more than 40 years of experience.