There's never a good time for it, never a right time or place, and it usually doesn't feel right at all. For some men, breaking up seems to be easy to do, but if we get honest with ourselves, those guys are few and far between. Sometimes those men don't realize that the relationship really didn't offer either person much, and they were only pretending. For other guys, it was easy to break up because they, themselves, didn't invest all that much, or anything into the relationship. A handful might even have only superficial relationships with women - perhaps a "sex-only" situation.

To my mind, that's not a relationship, and there really isn't a breakup.

The latter two phases of courtship involve a friendship bond with a woman, and a committed partnership state. These are what actually make a relationship a relationship. These are what make a woman unique and valuable to you - value in the real, accurate and even scientific sense of the word. Sex-only is not unique, and the woman might as well be any attractive woman, not a one-of-a-kind, dearly held friend or partner.

So unless a man is heartless and emotionless - exceedingly rare - EVERY breakup carries pain, sadness, grief, and perhaps even though you would never admit it to your mother let alone your male friends - it carries the fear of loss.
Sometimes that loss feels like it might be permanent, the pain will never go away. Not ever. And you descend into the stages of grief - tempted to beg her to come back, or second-guessing yourself. You want to call her whether she broke up with you or you did the breaking up.

And the regrets. You might have even fallen victim to your own masculine instincts - cheating on her or starting a fight, or failing to pay her the attention she deserves for having been so loyal for so long. You lost the loving feeling, didn't know what to do, and gradually let your heart grow as cold as the bed sheets.

But then you suddenly want her back. Just after breaking up, or unwittingly pushing her to do the dirty work, you feel "buyer’s remorse" - and she suddenly seems like the most attractive, valuable creature to ever walk the earth.
Only now it's too late.

Months later you still think of her all the time. You want to see her or know what she's doing. You check her on Facebook, and it pains you when you see her status is already "in a relationship" again.

You feel like a chump and a fool and every other negative word.

It was right to do so but you didn't know it. If you did, the pain would go away. It wasn't really your fault or in your control.

I have a special connection to this topic.

It was my Achilles Heel throughout my entire development as a man, and is probably the only remaining relationship skill that I STILL find challenging. It gives me a touch of weakness in the knees to this day to really think deeply about.

It goes back to a fiancée many years ago, and her betrayal, and while it literally knocked me out of life, dating, personal growth and everything else that matters for far longer than I would ever bear again, it did not stop me permanently.

I might even owe her a debt of thanks for sending me into an enduring, nuclear-level energy for learning all things psychological, a passion for helping men and preventing every man I meet from ever suffering even a tiny fraction of the pain I suffered...

...but I've never brought that experience right down to the hardened core of why I help men with the degree of energy, technology and devotion.

It's the breakup experience. That more than anything is what drives me to reverse the struggles men have today, when once long ago, I had them. Doing this has always made things right for me.

There is no man untouched by this precise loss - the love interest, steady date, girlfriend, wife, or even soulmate lost, taken away from you, sometimes by you yourself (or rather the trickster of the mind called your "reptilian brain"...

...yet when all is said and done, the courtship process failed, she was not right for you, nor you for her.
That doesn't make it any easier though.

There is so much more to relating to women than the sexual chemistry.

There is a friendship bond, a love, a value, a boost of self-esteem and happiness, joined interests and team efforts, a gelling of careers and possessions, a partnership where the two together are truly exponentially more powerful.

Men DO have emotions - all the same ones that women have. Our problem is being caught between a rock and a hard place - needing a place to go, an experience of work out and understand, a witness to our lives and losses, but feeling shame in the very act of asking for help, a willing ear, or words of support that can sound more like condescension than healing.

The Two Cures for Breakups
Two things to learn:
1. Preparation for the end, with crystal clear understanding of what it means
2. Getting "back in the saddle" with women, and learning all possible lessons from losing the ex.

Author's Bio: 

Paul Dobransky, M.D. is a board-certified psychiatrist, public speaker and relationship expert who has treated more than 10,000 patients in 15+ years in clinical psychiatric care. Journalists and clients worldwide have sought Dr. Paul's advice on dating, relationships and all aspects of human psychology.

Dr. Paul pioneered MindOS, a new, patent-pending approach to understanding relationships, mood problems and stress. MindOS synthesizes all schools of therapy into a single, effective system-based approach that uses plain language to help people understand psychology and solve problems. Go to to learn more.