Hi Doc,

I've liked this girl for between 3-4 months. Initially when I got to know her, she was really nice and we were really close. We used to message and talk almost every day. For example, there was once when she went overseas and I told her I would miss her. She said “awww…” and that I would probably be too occupied to miss her. She also said she would catch up with me when she came back and guess what? She did.

However, this lasted only for a month. We were not as close anymore. She kept her limits with me. For example, there was once I called her “sweetie” and she told me that I better not be serious about it. Then recently I found out that she got back with her ex-boyfriend. I asked my friend to talk to her and find out whether it was true.

My friend asked her if there was any hope between me and her of being together. She hesitantly said “yes” but not now because she was with someone else. I tried to forget about her but I can’t since I really fell in love with her. I still haven’t stopped messaging her though.

Recently, she thanked me for my concern over her because she was feeling sad over her bad results at school and problems with her boyfriend.

I really want to win her from him! What should I do?

By the way we are both in the same college while that boyfriend of hers is in another.

Thanks in advance.



Frankly, you may have totally missed your chance.

You needed to move things forward when you had the chance. This is something women do all the time. They use guys against each other. She may have been showing you all that attention in order to get her ex-boyfriend to make some kind of move, which he obviously did. Now that she has him, she doesn't need you any more.

If you had ignored all of her statements about not being too serious about things and just forged ahead - making ANY attention you had given her contingent on her reciprocating - you would have been able to turn this into something.

Instead, you sat back waiting for her to make all the moves - and she did - right into her ex-boyfriend's arms.

Now, you look weak and unsure of yourself. That is exactly the opposite of the image she needs to have of you in order to be attracted to you.

Your only hope now is to get scarce and start dating other girls. She needs to have time to miss you (if she's ever going to at all) before you might have a chance with her again. This means zero-contact. No initiating texts or calls or running into her - nothing for at least a few months. If she contacts you, short responses only like "yes" or "ok".

Distance and starting to date other girls are your only tools now.

Best regards…
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Dr. Neder is known around the world as a tough, but fair relationship expert, dealing with all sorts of dating, sex and relationship issues from a man's perspective. He has written 14 books ("Being a Man in a Woman's World™" series) and is working on 2 others. He's also written hundreds of articles, answered over 30,000 reader/viewer questions and has been on over a thousand radio and TV shows. "Dr. Dennis" is funny, direct and intuitive and has a unique ability to get right to the heart of the issue.

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