Memories: Foundations for the Future

“Memories may be beautiful and yet, what’s too painful to remember
We simply choose to forget.”

I came upon an interesting article in the April 2011 issue of "Discover" magazine. The article, written by Carl Zimmer, talked about the importance of our memories. The blurb says: “Rich autobiographical memory is the essence of our humanity and the base from which we foresee the future – a key to our species’ success.”

That is, of course, what made me think of Barbra Streisand’s hauntingly beautiful song from the movie, The Way We Were. I consulted my long-term memory, came up with an autobiographical memory of how that song affected me long ago and used it to plan the near future – the writing of this article.

Memories
Seriously, though, the "Discover" article brought to mind something of our Baby Boomer condition.

There was a time when it was expected that we Baby Boomers would live out our lives in the glow of the memories of our successes: we were successful (more or less) wives, husbands, parents, grandparents, businessmen, executives, professionals. We had grabbed the world by the tail and had hung on, riding it out until we could let go, relax, retire and – remember.

But somebody changed the rules and not a few of us have had to re-tool and start all over. We may or may not have planned for the future, but the fact is that the future keeps getting further and further away. That happy time of relaxing and retiring is now, for many of us, a distant dream.

What’s Too Painful to Remember
This process of re-tooling means that we can’t afford to forget what is too painful to remember – because it is a part of our psyche and affects not only what we have done in the past but also how we plan for the future.

Let me put it this way (I confess, this imagery is not original. You’ll find it in the Bible): You have a house (or a life) and it seems comfortable and secure until the storms come and the winds blow. Suddenly your house folds like a house of cards. You had built your house on shifting sand.

Now, you were in the house when it fell down around your ears and you are scared, uncertain of the future, and licking your wounds. Only one thing seems clear: just when you thought you had it made, you have to start all over again.

You can’t just hunker down on that sand dune and pretend that you still have a house. You might be tempted – it would seem so easy – to clear away the debris and rebuild your house where it was before. You might even be able to use some of the same lumber and nails.

We Can’t Afford to Forget
But you remember what happened to your first house and you realize that it would be unwise to build in the same place and/or in the same way. So you begin to think about how to rebuild your house. You start to plan for a future that will be safer, less subject to the ravages of storm and wind.

A part of the planning for your new house will probably require digging down into the solid rock and building a foundation. That is essentially the same thing you do in terms of self-growth as you start to rebuild your life. You dig down into the past, dig up some of those painful memories that you may have chosen to forget, and use the new understanding you gain to help you build the foundation for a new life.

The loss of a home or a life-work is very painful. But our memories of those event are important. They will give us clues as to behaviors that we should avoid as we work toward the future – behaviors like building our houses on shifting sands.

Memories may be beautiful and yet,
What’s too painful to remember
We can’t afford to forget….

Best wishes for a brighter future!