Michael Mantell's "Faggedabowdit" Tool: The Secret Sauce of Mental Wellness & Happiness

Righteous indignation. Proving your point. Being right. Holding On. Never letting go. Beating a dead horse. Having to win. Always coming out on top. Having to have the last word. Sound familiar? Then this column is surely for you.
I believe that peace is the single greatest good. Peace. You know that tranquil, serene, quiet sense of contentment…that always seems to escape you? Peace. Why is it that so many people seem to have amicable, agreeable, easygoing, friendly relationships…except for you? Peace. That still, accommodating, conciliatory, relaxed feeling…that you never seem to have.
Let’s face it. If we are supposed to be a peace loving, peace promoting and peaceful society why must we always be right, always win, never give in, and constantly have the last word? Don’t you see the contradiction? Peace and never letting go are totally incompatible in interpersonal relations.
Here is an all too common situation. Jack offers a thought, opinion or view that you believe is completely inaccurate, ill informed or simply misguided. What do you do? Of course, you volunteer your thoughts on the subject and, not being a lamb, a wimp or otherwise a doormat, you tell old Jack that he is wrong. You argue and get into quite a loud, critical, back and forth of hurtful comments
Jack persists in attempting to convince you of his viewpoint. You, naturally, will never let him be successful in this endeavor and instead, you thrust your own peace out of you life for a moment of challenge, and completely give in to the impulse to argue your point.
To what end? Peace? Surely, not. What will not letting go do for you besides raise your blood pressure, turn your feelings into anger and frustration and otherwise disturb your inner sense of peace…not to mention turn your friend Jack into an enemy, at least temporarily? What a sheer waste and complete disregard for your own wellbeing.
You'd be wise to learn to get over it. Jack owes you nothing. He doesn’t have to agree with you and you don’t have to agree with him. He wronged you in the way he spoke? Who cares? Get over it. He cursed you out? Who cares? Get over it.
You can’t sleep at night because you keep thinking about what Jack said? Who’s suffering? You keep reliving the insult, the argument, the wrong and guess what? It’s done. Get past it. Get some sleep. Jack isn’t staying up at night worrying about it.
Pitying yourself because the world did you an injustice? Pity prevents power. Time to move on, turn the page and help yourself advance. Otherwise you’ll be stuck where you are. Jack, your boss, your neighbor, the teacher, your spouse, your family have all moved on. Get over it and Faggedabowdit.
What would you really lose if you used my favorite mental health tool, the good old, “Faggedabowdit” technique and simply went on to another subject? You would lose nothing except the chance for aggravation in your life.
Someone does something “wrong” in your eyes. You tell her about it. She argues that she is correct and you are wrong. You want peace? Faggedabowdit. Get over it. You think you can really convince her?
You see a movie with a friend. Your friend tells you this movie you loved and thought was the greatest ever, was terribly done, had poor acting, and a lousy script. You want peace? Faggedabowdit. Get over it. You think you are a movie critic?
You come home looking forward to a wonderful dinner. Your wife – or husband since we have to be politically correct – prepares less than a desirable meal. You want peace? Faggedabowdit. Get over it. Is this the last supper?
You just bought a brand new car. You love it. You shopped and shopped and not only do you believe you got a great deal, you believe the car is the best thing on the road. Your friend tells you that you overpaid and he read a poor review about your new chariot. You want peace? Faggedabowdit. Get over it. You think what he says will make any difference in your driving life?
Life’s not fair? You got cheated? Who do you think owes you anything? Nobody. When you were born, the doctor, just before he/she handed you to your mother and father, did not say, “Mr. and Mrs. Jones, wait one second. Your little baby seems to be holding a little scroll in his/her hand. Let’s see what it says. It says, little Jane or Joe is promised a perfect life.”
No, no such document that you were born holding onto. It doesn’t exist. Stop Demanding that it exists, Insisting that it exists, and Expecting that it exists. That’s DIE in case you were looking at those words. You are not at any more of a disadvantage than anyone else…unless you hold yourself back by your negative beliefs, sour view of your life, comparing yourself to others and despairing.
You discuss the next Presidential election with your neighbor. You get into a debate about school vouchers. Your neighbor takes one position and you see he is ready to argue until next Christmas. You want peace? Faggedabowdit. Get over it. Since when are you the head of your candidate’s campaign?
It’s time to stop licking your wounds. Focus on what’s right in life. While you are busy pitying yourself, others are using their power. The very same power you have. It’s been observed that self-doubt has killed more dreams than failures ever have. Others are busy turning the pages, finding open doors, and not reliving hurts and setbacks. They know that no good comes from not moving forward. They use the principle of Faggedabowdit. They get past things. Do you?
The need to have the last word, to be right all of the time, to prove that your friend is wrong, to have the last word in every situation is a disease. It will make your life filled with hostility, contentiousness, belligerence, and a cacophony of negative emotions…all of which will shorten your life span. You want peace? Faggedabowdit. Get over it. Who appointed you king?
Let go of your need to prove you are right and that your life must be as good as your friend’s or your co-worker’s or your neighbors or your classmates. Especially if it’s peace you want.
I was once in New York City. It was raining. After several cabs passed me by, an older gentleman saw my frustration. Everything about this guy said he was a through and through New Yorker. He stepped alongside of me and asked what was wrong.
I said, “Seems like everyone keeps taking my cab.”
He wisely pointed out to me, “Son, if they are taking it, it’s not your cab.”
If you don't get the job, it’s not your job. If you don’t get the best seat at the game or the movie theater, it’s not your seat. If you lose an opportunity, it wasn’t your opportunity. If you lose the race to someone else, it’s not your race to win.
Don’t try to take someone else’s cab, run someone else’s race or take on someone else’s job. It’ll be far too big a burden if it’s not what was meant for you in the first place. Find your own cab, run your own race and focus on your own talents, and what seem to be set backs in life will turn into your preparation for your successes.
When you do use my favorite mental health tool, the concept of Faggedabowdit, getting over it and moving forward, you will see that, within minutes or hours, it simply doesn’t matter any more.