If someone were to take a step back and reflect on their life, what they might see is that they don’t have a very ‘positive’ view of themselves. So, they can believe that no one likes them, are worthless, are a burden, are unlovable and are incapable, for instance.

What could enter their mind is that seeing themselves in this way is holding them back and stopping them from living a life that is worth living. They could be at the point where they have had enough of watching life pass them by and desperately want to live a life that is fulfilling.

The Next Step

If they were to search for information online, what they could soon learn is that they have a ‘negative’ mindset. Therefore, for their life to change, it will be necessary for them to develop a ‘positive’ mindset.

They can be told that, for this to take place, they will need to change their ‘negative’ thoughts and beliefs. Solely focusing on what is going on up top, in their mind, will then be what will allow them to gradually experience life differently.

Another Step

This will be a time when they will be questioning their ‘negative’ and ‘irrational’ beliefs and replacing the thoughts that are not serving them with ones that will. After doing this for a while, they can find that their view of themselves starts to change.

They could soon be amazed by how they are treated and what they achieve. Moreover, some of the people in their life could end up talking about how different they are and how well they are doing.

Another Outcome

Then again, this approach might not work, or if it does, it might not last for very long. When it comes to the former, they could conclude that they just need to keep going and, before long, it will work.

And, when it comes to the latter, they could believe that they also just need to keep going and not give up. In both of these cases, it could show that they just need to hang in there or it could be a sign that they need to try another approach entirely.

A Closer Look

The approach that they have been applying is based on the view that they begin and end with their conscious mind or conscious sense of themselves. Thus, what is taking place in this part of them is going to be the only issue.

Moreover, what they have experienced in the past won’t be taken into account, which is why what is going on for them is seen as being ‘negative’ and ‘irrational’. The here and now will be the only thing that matters.

Another Angle

But, although it may seem as though they begin and end with their conscious mind or conscious sense of themselves, this is not the truth. Along with this part of them, they also have an unconscious mind.

This part of them is hidden but it has an impact on what takes place in their conscious mind and how they perceive reality. Not only this but what has not been resolved from their past is held in this part of them.

The Bigger picture

With this in mind, the view that how someone sees themselves is purely based on what is taking place in their mind is not true. It is a surface-level understanding that doesn’t take into account the fact that their frontal cortex is just one part of their brain.

In addition to the thinking part of them, there is the feeling and instinctual part of them. Now, one thing that can cause someone to live in their head and be out of touch with their body and, therefore, their feelings and instincts, is trauma.

The Outcome

After having experienced trauma very early on, it can be normal for them to live in their head as an adult and be out of touch with how they feel. But, if this is just what is normal, there will be no reason for them to be aware of what is going on.

The other part of this is that when a society is full of people who are also in a traumatised and disconnected state, it is naturally going to lead to a very mind-centric and disembodied outlook when it comes to mental health. Thoughts and beliefs are then the focus and feelings and instinctual responses are overlooked.

Going Deeper

Considering this, as their mind won’t be very supportive, it is likely to show that they are carrying material outside of their conscious awareness that is holding them back. This can be a sign that their early years were not very nurturing.

During this stage of their life, their mother and/or father might have been emotionally unavailable and unable to be there for them. Consequently, this would have deprived and deeply wounded them.

A Big Impact

As they were egocentric, they would have personalised what took place. This would have caused them to believe that they were worthless, incapable, unlovable and a burden, for instance.

There would have also been the pain that they experienced and the developmental needs that were not met. This pain and these needs would have ended up being repressed by their brain to allow them to keep it together and function, with them gradually being pushed out of their body in the process.

The Tip of The Iceberg

Their ‘negative’ mindset will reflect how things were for them and a big part of them will be anchored to this stage of their life. It will then be more accurate to say that their mindset is showing them what they need to resolve inside themselves, not that they merely have beliefs and thoughts to change.

Ergo, only focusing on what is taking place in their mind, even if this approach does allow them to develop a ‘positive’ mindset, won’t deal with the root of the issue. At best, it will only cover up what is really going on for them and the pain and unmet developmental needs inside them won’t disappear.


If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, enmeshment, inner child, true self and inner awareness. With over three thousand, two hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

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