Mirror, Mirror….What’s One Of The Best Communication Strategies Of Them All?
Written by Rachel Moheban
I’ve met so many couples during my years as a psychotherapist whose problems boil down to a simple lack of communication. On second thought, let me rephrase that. These couples may communicate in the literal sense of the word, in that they are ‘conveying information’ but are they communicating? Are they not only listening to each other (note: hearing and listening are two entirely different things!), but also internalizing each other’s messages? By internalizing, I mean are they listening to their partner without barriers such as blame, defensiveness and ego getting in the way of their understanding of and empathy with what their partner is saying? This is what’s key to a healthy relationship, as only once a couple can communicate without these barriers, can they start on the path of change to a mutually fulfilling and intimate relationship.
In most cases, this type of communication skill does not come naturally and the only way to ingrain it into your relationship is to learn and continually use this valuable communication strategy:
The Mirroring Exercise (Harville Hendrix) -
Love does not automatically translate into a happy and successful relationship based on good communication. This strategy is all about that other ‘L’ word….Listening.
In this exercise, couples need to appoint a ‘sender’ and a ‘receiver’. The sender will share his/her feelings and thoughts about a subject, while the receiver listens quietly. The receiver will then repeat the facts exactly as the sender said them, without expressing his/her own feelings, defensiveness or explanations. Once the sender has approved the statement, the partners will switch roles and repeat the exercise. This strategy opens the lines of communication between partners and achieves validation and empathy.
Practice this strategy at home with your partner as often as possible – how about as a daily activity after dinner or once the kids have been put to sleep? Don’t wait until you’re in the heat of an argument to try to use this technique – that’s often not the best time to try something new as rationality is usually overrun by emotion at that point. Rather, practice the Mirroring Exercise regularly so that it becomes a habit for you as a couple.
Article author
About the Author
About Rachel Moheban:
In over twelve years of practice, Rachel began to notice couples—whether they were dating, married or same sex partners—were missing a key ingredient to creating and sustaining rewarding relationships.
She realized couples would benefit from psycho-educational programs to address common relationship issues such as communication problems, physical intimacy, anger and money before they arise. As a result, she developed her relationship help teleseries, The Relationship Breakthrough Program. Couples or individuals can register for this and find out more information through her website The Relationship Suite.
Rachel can help you see past the thick wall of resentment that may have been building for you and your partner over time. She can help you shift some key elements to work through this wall before it’s too late.
© 2010 The Relationship Suite. Rachel Moheban, LCSW After many years of providing private couples counseling, she discovered in addition to the already great results this method was providing, that couples benefited even more from using a variety of resources especially the effective combination of psycho-education, pro-active skills and adaptable techniques. These approaches COMBINED are able to create the success formula needed to make fast and immediate changes in relationships. This is why she designed and developed a couples program using the full ins and outs of this intricate formula; "The Relationship Breakthrough Bootcamp." This article is for your general information only. You are welcome to share this tip with your community but please make sure to include the following author info:
© 2010 The Relationship Suite. Rachel Moheban, LCSW After many years of providing private couples counseling, I discovered in addition to the already great results this method was providing, that couples benefited even more from using a variety of resources especially the effective combination of psycho-education, pro-active skills and adaptable techniques. These approaches COMBINED are able to create the success formula needed to make fast and immediate changes in relationships. To learn more, and receive our FREE BiWeekly Relationship Tips and access to the Relationship Breakthrough Monthly Teleclass visit http://www.therelationshipsuite.com.
If you enjoyed this tip, then you won’t want to miss out on my upcoming teleclass on Communication. The topic is Strategies on Communicating Effectively With Your Partner, and it will take place on Tuesday 16th March, 2010 at 7-8PM EST. This class is a part of my Relationship Help 4 Week Teleseries, where couples will gain insight into their relationship issues, and receive expert guidance and practical solutions on how to deal with these issues. You can register for individual classes or for the whole teleseries by clicking here: http://www.motivationalwhisperers.com/4teleclass.html
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