Moderation & psychological projection: Things I've learned

Moderation is defined as the process of eliminating or lessening extremes. It is used to ensure normality throughout the medium on which it is being conducted (Wikipedia). I can definitely speak from experience concerning this topic...

In my earlier years, I was almost always searching for comfort from external sources. This was in large part due from a lack of a sense of self-worth. Always seeking some type of validation. This in turn, fueled a serious lack of self-control. If things weren’t going how I expected them to go, it would directly affect my level of comfort. The important thing here was the habit of wanting to escape this discomfort through substance use and drinking.

However, the real core issue was alack of self-control. Ultimately, because I was placing my well-being in the hands of external circumstances, I wasn’t in control of me! Whatever the situation or person I was so involved with deviated from my expectations, any hope of serenity or peace within myself went out the window. I lived like this for years…

No sense of what being grounded even meant! Having turned my life in a different direction, the most important thing I understand now is what projection is in the psychological sense… My inability to consciously admit that I really had no self-control manifested itself in the desire to control situations, events, and relationships. I was projecting onto my environment that which I lacked in my own life.

I subconsciously knew that I wasn’t in control of me so I would rationalize a sense of control by attempting to control things outside of myself…”See, I have control…” Rationalization and total justification for not being able to control the one thing I’m responsible for controlling. Myself.

During the ten-year awakening process that I experienced, I would have profound moments of clarity where I could see myself and the results of this behavior. It was very enlightening and was definitely a catalyst in the change that I experienced.

The issue with moderation comes into play because since I obviously wasn’t in control of external situations, I had to cope with the level of discomfort from this by… wait for it… using other external things like alcohol and substance to escape that discomfort. An inability to find comfort within myself to just be who I am, accept who I am, born out of fear from even looking, was the root of this projective behavior...

I remember sitting in a suite at a casino thinking that I had everything I could want. Obviously given my mindset and spiritual condition at the time, I thought my happiness was based on external, material things, and at least a slight ability to control situations with things, i.e. money, etc. But I was sitting there, and I had a moment where I just said to myself, “This isn’t working…”

Beginning on that day, I started taking that same attention, that for years I spent looking outside of myself for the answers, slowly and begrudgingly turned that same attention in on myself, and I finally found what I had been looking for the whole time. Myself. I had been running from me. The last place I wanted to look…

Now that I have some inner peace and thereby a solid level of self-control, things that are out of my control no longer affect me to that degree anymore. I am finally grounded with the understanding that things are the way they are, and my job is to be the best version of myself I can be, and to be of service if I can. It’s like I’m no longer searching…

What a relief! The principles of self-honesty, and accountability are something that are very important to me today, and I will share in a series of posts next month things that I’ve learned because I do feel it’s important. The path doesn’t just belong to me, but I can choose to be a part of it. And that is what I choose today.