Money Matters: How What Attracts Us Can Lead To Distraction
Written by Rachel Moheban
We've all heard that in relationships "opposites attract," and we see examples of this all the time. Quiet, nonverbal types feel drawn to expressive, verbal mates, and vice versa. Shy introverts and outgoing extroverts gravitate towards each other. Carefree, unpredictable people partner with reliable, responsible individuals. The list goes on and on.
The same holds true with money values, and this is why money issues eventually become such a sensitive topic for so many couples. As with personality traits, we are naturally inclined to partner with someone whose financial values are opposite, or at least very different from, our own. You'll see spendthrifts partnering with tightwads, drawn to their stability. Planners fascinate dreamers. Those who avoid money worries appeal to those who worry about money.
Why is that? Generally speaking, we tend to seek romantic partners who complement us personality-wise, partners who have traits and strengths that we admire but may not possess to the same degree. And for a while, especially throughout the honeymoon stage of a relationship, that works for us. We appreciate and rely on those qualities where we differ from our partner.
What happens over time is, these once endearing differences between us and our partners become polarizing differences; in other words, they begin to disrupt our relationship harmony and instead create discord in our relationships. The avoider begins to become frustrated with the money worrier. The spendthrift causes stress in the tightwad. Planners become impatient with dreamers. The very money values we originally found attractive now drive us to distraction.
This is when the disagreements start, resulting in further polarization between the partners. Over time these actions and arguments can drive once-committed partners apart.
The thing is, rarely is one partner completely right or completely wrong when it comes to money values. More than likely there are admirable traits as well as areas for growth in both partners' approaches to money. The solution to this disparity, and the hope of restoring harmony to the relationship, lie somewhere in the middle. Both partners need to first understand their own approaches to dealing with money, and then acknowledge something that they admire and would like to emulate in each other's money perspective. Only then can they begin to bridge the money values gap between them.
It takes communication to overcome money disagreements--admitting our imperfections to ourselves, as well as traits we secretly envy in our partners. In doing so, we begin to take steps towards restoring the harmony and closeness that were once the foundation of our relationship.
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About the Author
About Rachel Moheban
Rachel Moheban currently has a private practice in New York City and specializes in individual and couples therapy, and is the founder of The Relationship Suite. She has her Masters Degree in Social Work from New York University and was trained at the Ackerman Institute for the Family and at the Training Institute for Mental Health in marital and group counseling.
In addition to regular therapeutic practices, Moheban believes that couples benefit even more from using a variety of resources including the effective combination of psycho-education, relationship coaching and counseling, pro-active skills and adaptable techniques. These approaches combined are able to create the success formula needed to make fast and immediate changes in relationships. Using this formula, Moheban designed and created “The Ultimate Relationship Resolution Program".
© 2010 The Relationship Suite. Rachel Moheban, LCSW After many years of providing private couples counseling, she discovered in addition to the already great results this method was providing, that couples benefited even more from using a variety of resources especially the effective combination of psycho-education, pro-active skills and adaptable techniques. These approaches COMBINED are able to create the success formula needed to make fast and immediate changes in relationships. This is why she designed and developed a couples program using the full ins and outs of this intricate formula; "The Relationship Breakthrough Bootcamp." This article is for your general information only. You are welcome to share this tip with your community but please make sure to include the following author info:
© 2010 The Relationship Suite. Rachel Moheban, LCSW After many years of providing private couples counseling, I discovered in addition to the already great results this method was providing, that couples benefited even more from using a variety of resources especially the effective combination of psycho-education, pro-active skills and adaptable techniques. These approaches COMBINED are able to create the success formula needed to make fast and immediate changes in relationships. To learn more, and receive our FREE BiWeekly Relationship Tips and access to the Relationship Breakthrough Monthly Teleclass visit http://www.therelationshipsuite.com.
For more insight into how to resolve issues in your relationship, join my upcoming F*R*E*E* teleclass entitled The 3 Secret Shortcuts to Bring You to Your BEST Relationship in 2010. The class will take place on Monday April 19th, 2010 at 2PM EST. Click here to register: http://www.couplestoolkit.com. This free teleclass is a preview of “The Ultimate Relationship Resolution Program", which is a virtual condensed 6 week over the phone program addressing the problematic issues that couples struggle with in their relationships, so you can go from feeling resentful and hopeless to being connected with and closer to your partner. For more information, visit http://www.therelationshipsuite.com
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