In order for a man’s life to be an expression of who he is, he will need to be both in touch with and to feel comfortable expressing himself. Being in touch with himself will involve being connected to his body and being aware of his needs, feelings, wants and preferences.

When it comes to expressing himself, then, what he does and says will primarily be influenced by what is taking place within him. By being this way, he will be able to feel as though he is living in the right way and is on the right track.

Another Reality

However, although this is the ideal, not all men are going to experience life in this way. If a man doesn’t experience life in this way, it will mean that his life is not an expression of who he really is.

Instead, his life is likely to simply be an expression of how other people want it to be and how he thinks they want it to be. Or to be more accurate, how his mother wants his life to be and how he thinks she wants it to be.

A Facade

Nonetheless, this is not to say that he will realise what is going on as this could just be what is normal. Doing what he can to please others and his mother, in particular, is then just going to be what happens.

He could typically create the impression that he is happy and that his life is going in the right direction, due to the mask that he wears. He will then be totally estranged from himself but he will appear to be living a wonderful life.

A Big Difference

When he is away from others and in his own company, he could typically feel down and even depressed. Even so, he could do his best to deny how he feels and continue to live in the same way.

Deep down, at an unconscious level, he can fear that if he was to embrace how he really feels, it would be far too painful for him to handle. Also, he can fear that if he was to reveal himself to others, he would end up being rejected and abandoned.

One Big Struggle

To keep his pain at bay and to continue to play the same role is going to take a lot of energy. There could come a point in time when he will no longer be able to do this and his mask will partly, if not completely, fall down.

Until that time, though, he will continue to neglect himself and do what he can to be there for others. But, although he won’t be there for himself and be living his own life, his mother, along with the other people in his life, could be oblivious to this fact.

Lop Sided

Based on how his mother behaves, it will be as though he is her parent and she is his child, not the other way around. To a balanced human being, it will be clear that something is not right.

Yet, as this is probably how he has behaved for most of his life and how his mother has been for about as long as he has existed, there will be no reason for either of them to come to this conclusion. He will be an individual but he will act like he is nothing more than an extension of his mother.

Something Is Missing

As he is out of touch with himself and is not expressing who he really is, he should get a strong sense that this is the case. Not only this, he should feel the pull to draw the line and to start living his own life.

But, for some reason, he will just tolerate what is going on and he won’t try to assert himself. Most likely, the reason why he just tolerates what is going on will be the same reason why he behaves in this way - his power has been taken away from him.

Back In Time

What he went through during his early years would have probably been what caused this to take place. This stage of his life wouldn’t have been a time when he received what he needed to grow and develop; no, it would have been a time when he was deeply traumatised.

As opposed to his mother truly being there for him, she would have likely used him to meet some of her adult and unmet childhood needs. He would have had no other choice but to lose touch with his needs and feelings, his body, and to focus on his mother's needs.

No Choice

As he was undeveloped and completely dependent on her, he wouldn’t have been able to do anything about what was going on. But even if he could, he would have needed to realise that his mother was at fault.

The trouble is that as he was egocentric at this stage of his life, he would have personalised what was going on and thus, would have believed that he was the problem. He would then have felt extremely powerless and seen his needs and himself as being bad.

Learned Helplessness

This stage of his life should have prepared him for the real world, yet it would have greatly undermined him. He won’t have received the nutrients that he needed from his mother or his father to develop a strong core and to be in touch with his personal power.

He can believe that he is powerless, is not worthy of life and doesn’t deserve to exist. The truth is that while he was powerless at this stage of his life this is no longer the case, he is worthy of life and he does deserve to exist.


If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, inner child and inner awareness. With over two thousand, seven hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

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