After coming to see that he is overly focused on his mother, a man could believe that he would be different if his mother hadn’t used him during his early years. This could show that he has thought a lot about what took place when he was a boy.

He will then have come to see that he was forced to be there for his mother and deprived of what he needed in the process. Naturally, he will be angry about what took place and he might even feel betrayed.

A Half-Life

If he was to think about his life, what could stand out is that he doesn’t have much of a life. But, as so much of his time and energy will be directed towards his mother, why would he?

Ultimately, he is only going to have so much time and energy, and as so much of his time and energy is being channelled somewhere else, it will undermine him. For this to change, he will need to spend less time being there for his mother.

A Hurdle

However, although this will need to take place, it could be something that he doesn’t feel comfortable doing. Part of him is then going to want to behave differently but a bigger, stronger part of him won’t want to.

Merely thinking about changing his behaviour could cause him to experience fear and anxiety. If he was to stay with this and go deeper, he may find that this is seen as something that would cause his life to come to an end.

Another Part

That might not be all there is to it, though; as he could fear that he will end up being harmed. At this point, he could wonder why he feels that his life would be under threat if he was to change his behaviour.

What this can illustrate is that along with the impact that his mother will have had on how he behaves; there is the impact that his father will have had. His life will then revolve around his mother but she won’t be the only person who has played a part in why he is this way.

One Part

So, from the moment he was born, he may have often been left by his mother and when he was given attention by her, it may have largely been misattuned care. In other words, he would have been forced to adapt to her needs.

As the years went by, he may have been punished, disapproved of and/or rejected and abandoned if he expressed his needs. Having needs would have been too painful and so he would have ended up disconnecting from his true self – his body – and shutting down to handle what was going on.

Another Part

Around this time, his father may have also made sure that he did what his mother wanted. As opposed to his father being there for him and supporting him, he would have been more concerned with pleasing his son’s mother.

His life may have also revolved around her, with him not having much of a life himself. This means that although he would have been an adult, he would have been more like a child.


Therefore, if he didn’t do what his mother wanted, his father might have threatened or physically harmed him. What is clear from this is that there wouldn’t have been anyone there to support or protect him.

It was him against his parents and there was very little that he could do as he would have been powerless and totally dependent. Quite simply, his parents would have abused their power.

A Strange Scenario

After thinking about how his father behaved, he might struggle to understand why he acted like an extension of his mother and didn’t stand his ground. He could feel deeply betrayed by him and as though he didn’t care about or want him.

Most likely, his father wasn’t in his power and this is why he behaved in this way. One way of looking at this would be to say that he was this way because his partner, his son’s mother, undermined him.

More to It

However, there is a strong chance that he was already out of touch with his power before he even met his son’s mother. If he was in his power, to begin with, he probably wouldn’t have ended up with her and if he did, he would have stood his ground or cut his ties with her before long.

He was then a man who was in a bad way and this is why he was unconsciously pulled to a woman who was also in a bad way. Perhaps his mother, along with his father, undermined him during his formative years.

The Truth

What the man will need to keep in mind is that how he was treated by his mother and father was a reflection of what was going on for them. It didn’t reflect his value or how lovable he was.

Yet, for him to realise this at the core of his being, he is likely to have beliefs to question and emotional wounds to work through. This will take courage and patience and persistence.


If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, inner child and inner awareness. With over three thousand, two hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

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