Mother-In-Law and Daughter-In-Law Conflict: Conflict Between Mother In Law And Daughter In Law

When newcomer "wife" comes to stay in the new house with husband who is already with other male members, becomes favorable atmosphere for her. Tendency of males to attract females facilitates her to take advantage to establish own atmosphere that matches her identity. This facilitates her to run the home as she wants. On the other hand, if there is already an adult female member (mainly mother-in-law) who controlled the house, turn out to be problems for her and her. Her survival is by surrendering to adjust into the existing environment or fight to gain control to establish own environment. It is a war between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, most popular of any war. It is egoistic war to establish own superiority.

A home adorned by woman is her entity. Her own values are involved in making a home that reflects her qualities. Each house interior is different from other is because her deep involvement to decorate that suits her taste. We can observe in a house purchased or hired, woman takes special interest and involve her feeling to decorate and arrange interiors that makes her comfortable. Woman modifies her house to suit her taste is the environment she makes that suits her.

The mother who is already in control of her house would not easily leave, is the same case as of politicians who hates to leave legislation membership or seat whatever we may call. This is her house as she has been involved to nurture the house since the beginning. Any challenge is the challenge to her emotions, sense of worth, identity, fondness and finally her control for own security. Thus, she would never wish newcomer to have control on what she amassed for long-long time. This is the psychological behavior with every individual/ any life form. Who creates own territory by involving sentimentally and marks psychologically or physically to declare. Depends how species behave as human declare with flags and animals with other methods. Declaring territory is the sense of security. Similarly, mother too has marked her territory and would resist to any challenge.

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A son for the mother is the outgrowth of her efforts and emotional involvement. Mainly when she has one son, she expects her son to become security for the family and the old age. Honestly, no aged man or woman would wish to go to old age houses for rest of the life as long as the son is alive. Differences of new generations, old generations, and psychological war between in-laws force to leave the house.

When she hands over her son to a new woman, she is cautious that her influence on the son is not disconnected. Her influence on him is the sense of security as he obeys, cares, and respects are his attachment. The new woman (WIFE) cannot tolerate because her sense of security expects 100% involvement from her husband. Wife needs him for her and children's safety, security, comfort and sensual attachment. The diversion of her husband's attention would minimize her expected desires. Therefore, she declares a war against her mother-in-law aggressively to thwart the weakening realm. However, the outcome depends on how psychologically strong the son/ husband is. How much his attraction or submission to the influence is? How strong the religious influence is? How he handles the situation? Who of two women are more influential is?

99.99 % mothers win over daughter-in-laws in the countries where religious dominance rule. All religious scripts direct the son to follow, respect, care and worship mothers. Therefore, aged are still safe and living with their children. However, in the urban and advanced countries it is the opposite. In such cases, the mothers are psychologically weaker and get defeated to daughter-in-laws.

In most cases, wife's inclination is towards her own parents above the husband's parents. She would prefer her mother-father to stay with her provided she wins her husband's mind to agree. The reason of this is that she lived for long-long time, made her involve and attached emotionally with the parents and mixed up intensely to understand the needs of parents and parents understand her needs subsides only when she bears her own children.

One thing I would wish to stress that even wife loves and has respect for the mother-in-law; only psychological issues disconnect them. It is not any personal conflict rather is the personality conflict. They involve in the conflict to gain/retain the status and claim rights on the son/husband's attention. So, can retain their say and pull major attention of son/husband towards them.

o Daughter-in-law should also realize that she too would meet her daughter-in-law in her future when she becomes the mother-in-law. On the other hand, mother-in-law should realize the same way.

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o Wife need to understand that mother-in-law is now aged. The behavior developed from the very beginning, some times is not easy to change. Thus becomes responsibility to understand the situation and act to drag mother-in-law towards her by affection. This technique is an influence to convince mother-in-law that "I care her more than even her son."

o Do not hurt any one's sentiment. Sentiment is the personal value and ego. If you hurt, you become enemy. Besides, putting your own values in front of her, listen to her too and tell to agree which ever is best. Forcing opinions and values is a root to clash.

o It is a conflict between the new and old generation. Thinking and behavior differ generation to generation. Present generation is more open, free, and demanding than the old. Mother-in-law need to know it is not her era.

o Opinion and ideological differences lead to misunderstanding.

o Psychological feelings and horrifying stories about mother-in-law create misunderstanding.

o Besides, understanding each other's stand and responsibilities should work to eliminate feeling of insecurity.

o Egoistic approach is the root cause that I am the one who is responsible for him. Now he is an adult man can take care himself and your both.

o Exchange the affection, views, chat, good moments of your life, gifts etc to get closer.

Two different identities of different ideologies fight each other to gain control on one man. These two beloved women crush this man in their skirmishes. They do not realize the affect on the man they are fighting-for. In most cases, mother gets defeated in this episode and ends up rest of her life in the old age homes. If wife looses the war, she ends up in marriage failure. Finally, who is the looser?

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Divorce hurts, and the pain and suffering all members of the family go through can last a lifetime. This is probably the main reason why people on the brink of dissolving their marriages have second thoughts and want to know how they can go about restoring their happy unions again. What they don't realize, though, is if they're trying to work on reestablishing the connection that has been lost, they may well be making some of the common mistakes that will only split their marriages farther apart. These are mistakes that you need to be aware of so that you won't be tempted to make them.

Has your spouse ever insisted, "I've really changed this time"? Maybe you've used the line yourself. When you heard it, did it reassure you or make you believe that given another try things could be better? The person saying it may even be serious about the claim, but that in itself isn't going to be enough to convince a spouse that you're acting out of anything but desperation. If your marriage is this far gone, mere words aren't going to fix anything, and the less you say, the better off you'll be. Instead of offering hollow platitudes, show your spouse the ways in which you've changed by your actions. After all, they say that seeing is believing.

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Never try to "blackmail" your spouse into trying to rebuild your union. The biggest blackmail phrase you can use is "I love you", even if you sincerely mean it. It will make your spouse feel like you're trying to get at him or her in an area where they are most susceptible and vulnerable. After all, you're both living with emotions that have been scraped raw by previous arguments and challenges in your lives, and no matter how much you feel like telling your spouse that you still love them, you'll stand a better chance of reaching them if you save your professions of love until a future time when your relationship has healed a bit.

If you've been starting or participating in arguments, now is the time to stop. No matter how stressed out you are feeling, arguing will only make you feel more so. It really does take two people to argue, so if you resist the urge to join in, your spouse is going to give up the tactic, too. These arguments are filled with harsh words spoken in fits of anger, and they definitely aren't going to help you in your quest to restore your marriage and avoid divorce. As long as you both feel like you're in a situation that you want to win, you're both going to be losers.

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Do you and your spouse come across as fighting all the time? You must sometimes ponder the twinkle that you had for one another during the beginning of your union. Do you speculate if your marriage could be headed for a divorce? The following consists of several tips and tricks given to you and the most effective methods to keep your marriage afloat starting now.

The very first teaching you must ascertain is that every married couple goes through a rough patch.

You are likely struggling with some very common issues and are in need of some uncomplicated solutions, if your marriage has not been doing well as of late.

o Being with a suffocating mate

* Problems with parenting your kids

* Insufficient quality time with due to busy calendars

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The route onward for almost couples is when one partner makes a pledge to stick to it and struggle for the marriage. When this happens, the other partner will see this and also want to help the marriage live.

This means that even when your spouse appears to not be committed to or still interested in your marriage there is still a chance for you to set an goal and begin learning the information and techniques that other couples have gained in order to save their marriage and with any luck your spouse will be engaging in the marriage along with you.

It is critical that you never give up if you really want your marriage to succeed. Most marriages have a possibility at becoming the relationship that you are dreaming of and it is almost ever worth fighting for what you truly love.

Couples can love one another and yet find themselves drifting apart and headed for a divorce. There are steps you can take, with or without the aid of your spouse to get your marriage back into the loving place it once was.

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So, that terrible thing happened to you too: Your spouse wants a divorce. Maybe you had seen it coming, maybe you hadn't. When that happened to me, I personally had seen it, but that didn't stop be from being shocked anyway. The good news is, I was able to stop a divorce and so I think I can help you do the same. Marriages are sacred and we all should do whatever we can in order to keep the couples together.

When your spouse wants a divorce, you might be compelled to discuss and argue about this with him or her to change their mind. You might be tempted to sit down and talk about every little or big problem there might be in your marriage. The truth is, such discussions have already tired your spouse and if you press again to discuss, he or she will be even more fed up with everything. So what 's the best course of action? Accept a trial separation. No, don't be shocked, because this works. A trial separation will give your spouse enough space and time to think things over. It will give your spouse enough time away from you - so any harsh recent memories will quickly fade away and better memories will start to take over. Don't worry - you are married, and your spouse WILL subconsciously miss you. He or she will soon understand that the separated life will not be as good as he or she imagined.

While you two are separated, this also gives you some time to think things over and prepare a course of action to save your marriage when your spouse wants a divorce. Look at yourself first - if there are any physical changes that your spouse once wanted but you were too lazy (or whatever the reason might be) to do, is there any better time than now? There isn't. This is the time to change and turn back into the person your spouse once loved. Maybe years of routine life made your marriage life dull, unlike when you were flirting. So, how about turning back into a fun-loving, dynamic person you used to be?

Now Listen Carefully-

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Author's Bio: 

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Divorce does not have to be your only option. Even if it feels as though your relationship can't be saved because of the ongoing conflicts between you and your spouse, it can be. There are techniques that you can begin using today that will not only stop a divorce, but will help also you build a stronger and more loving marriage.

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