Most if not all of the experiences that a man had during his formative years might have been forgotten about by his conscious mind. Therefore, most of what took place during this stage of his life could be a mystery.

Nevertheless, while this might be the case, it doesn’t mean that what took place will be well and truly in the past. In so many ways, his adult life could be a continuation of what it was like for him as a boy.

One Area

For example, when it comes to the experiences that he typically has with women, they could have a lot in common with the experiences that he had with his mother. But, as his conscious mind has forgotten about most of what happened, he won’t be able to make this connection.

When it comes to the experiences that he has, they could generally be anything but life-affirming. In fact, this area of his life could cause him to experience a lot of pain and suffering.

One Description

If he was to talk about how he sees women, he could say that they are cold, lack empathy and compassion, and are unpredictable, abusive and even dangerous. Due to this, he might often do what he can to keep his distance.

This could show that he has been in a number of relationships with women who greatly undermined him. As a result of this, he might have decided to keep his distance and not have another relationship.

Looking Back

If he was to think about how he behaved when he first met a woman he was in a relationship with, he could find that he was friendly and perhaps submissive. He could also see that this was a time when he found it hard to feel at ease and was slightly if not overly anxious.

If so, even if he felt as though he needed to be strong and centred during this time and be able to take the lead, this wouldn’t have been possible. As time went by, he may see that he continued to lose himself and was soon a shadow of his former self.

Beaten Down

He could see that he soon had moments where he felt overwhelmed with fear and totally worthless. Before long, he might have felt the need to end the relationship and get away.

However, although he might have had this need, he might have stayed with the woman for quite some time. He might have simply not had the strength that he needed to cut his ties and walk away.

A Tough Time

Now, even if the woman came across as being fairly pleasant in the beginning, this would have changed as time passed. She may have often been critical, and cold, lacked empathy and compassion, and physically attacked him.

Regardless of what took place, she wouldn’t have been a woman who was loving, kind and understanding. No, she would have been a woman who was incredibly cruel and, thus, would have lacked humanity.


At this point, if he was to think about why this area of his life is this way, he could come to the conclusion that this is just what women are like. Feeling on edge around a woman as opposed to being centred is then going to be a normal response.

If it was put forward to him that this is not what all women are like and that these experiences are a replay of his early years, he might struggle to understand how this is so. He could think about his early years and say that they were not that bad and that his mother loved him, for instance.


After taking the time to think about his early years and what it was often like with his mother, he might gradually be able to that his interactions with women have a lot in common with the interactions he had with his mother. What could stand out is that as he had forgotten about what happened, he simply wasn’t able to realise this.

His brain will have caused him to forget about what took place in order to allow him to keep it together and function. This was then not something that he consciously chose to do; it will have taken place automatically.

A Brutal Time

Throughout his developmental years, his mother may have largely been cold, lacked empathy and compassion, and was critical and perhaps physically abusive. Ultimately, she would have lacked humanity.

What is clear is that there would have been very little love on offer; it would have been like being brought up by a tyrant. The trouble is that although this was likely a sign that she was a deeply wounded woman, her behaviour would have been personalised as he was egocentric.

The Outcome

Along with the pain and arousal that he experienced, he would have believed that he was worthless, unlovable and didn’t deserve to exist. Furthermore, the particular would have become the general, with his mother serving as his inner model of what all women are like.

Once this stage of his life was over, his brain would have automatically blocked out what took place to protect him and he would have continued to have the same experiences with women. For him to truly put what happened behind him, he will probably need to work through this pain and release this arousal.


If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he might need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, inner child and inner awareness. With over three thousand, two hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

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