My Divorce journal - What’s the Right Thing To Do?
Written by Dawn Sinnott
Last week I’m being questioned about whether I’m being too dramatic. This week I’m questioning what the right thing is.
Then – 2/15/2004
“Yesterday was Valentine’s Day. I did not get him a Valentine card from me, just from the kids. I looked at some cards, but I just couldn’t do it. It felt too hypocritical. He feels more like a distant friend to me, but I couldn’t buy him a friend card. Either way I figured that whatever expectations he was having of me, he was going to be disappointed.
I got a really great, funny card for the kids to give him. He is a good dad and he deserves a Valentine from the kids. But from me? I tossed and turned last night after seeing how angry he was that I didn’t get him a card. I have this fear of not doing the right thing in this situation. But do the right thing for whom? I did the right thing for the kids; I got them a fun card to give to their daddy and made them laugh. I also did the right thing for me; I just couldn’t be phony and buy a card no matter how generic the writing was. I was true to my feelings. If I had just bought a card and signed my name, no matter what the card said, I wouldn’t feel right.”
Now – 4/10/2011
That was a really tough decision for me. I had been raised to do the right thing and be the better person but I just couldn’t be phony. I remember standing in the card store picking up card after card and not knowing what to do. On the one hand I didn’t want another argument and on the other hand I didn’t want to send the wrong message and raise his hopes up. For a long time I would analyze the possible outcomes and choose the action that would create the least amount of drama if possible.
However that Valentine’s Day was a step towards honoring myself and my feelings. I knew he would be upset and if his past behavior was any indication, he would make sure the kids were dragged into his anger. I knew that if I just bought as generic a card as possible that it would appease him for the moment and there would be less drama. More importantly, as I stood staring at all the card choices, I knew that I couldn’t continue pretending for everyone else’s sake. The right thing in that moment was what was right for me and my feelings.
It was a simple yet powerful choice I made to honor myself that day and was a small turning point in self awareness and self care.
Next week – What are the statistics?
Article author
About the Author
I am a divorce and self esteem coach. I help people to rebuild their personal foundation one brick at a time. I believe that everyone can use their divorce as a catalyst to live their most authentic life.
Further reading
Further Reading
Article
A Look at Avoidant Attachment Styles and How They Work
The early development of avoidant attachment creates a coping mechanism that forms in childhood. Disconnected parent-child interactions typically trigger this condition. People who develop this attachment style learn to depend on their resources. They avoid deep emotional connections. People with this attachment style want intimacy, yet they remain afraid of becoming dependent on others. Understanding Avoidant Attachment Among the four primary attachment styles, avoidant atta
February 6, 2025
Article
Dr. Venus Nicolino: You Have To Make Yourself Available To Find Good Relationships
The idea of making yourself more desirable by making yourself less available doesn't make a lot of sense when you think about it. After all, Juliet would have plunged a premature dagger into the heart of her romance with Romeo if she hid in her room rather than go out on her balcony. The end of Sleepless in Seattle shifts from "awww" to "aw, no" if one of the two main characters skips the trip to the Empire State Building. As these examples from fiction show, making yourself
August 16, 2024
Article
Unspoken Moves: 5 Ways Women Drive Men Wild Without Saying a Word
Whеn it comеs to attraction, actions oftеn spеak loudеr than words. Womеn havе a uniquе ability to captivatе and еnticе mеn without uttеring a singlе syllablе. Whеthеr it's a subtlе glancе or a playful touch, thеsе nonvеrbal cuеs can crеatе an undеniablе chеmistry that words alonе could nеvеr convеy. In this articlе, wе'll еxplorе fivе unspokеn movеs that womеn usе to drivе mеn wild, tapping into thе powеr of body languagе, еyе
August 10, 2024