My Husband Doesn't Fulfill My Emotional Needs: My Needs Aren't Being Met In My Marriage

"I feel alone in my marriage," is sadly something many women find themselves saying. This type of partnership can be incredibly fulfilling and also very isolating. When your husband stops showing you that he cares, you may wonder whether the relationship can survive or whether your own emotional needs will ever be met again. If you're tired of living like this, you really have two options. You can take the necessary steps to end the marriage or you can work on rebuilding the closeness you two once shared. If you're not ready to throw in the white towel of defeat and file for divorce, don't. What you need to do is learn how to reconnect with your husband on an emotional level again.

The first thing that many women do when they find themselves saying, "I feel alone in my marriage," is they try and explain what they're feeling to their spouse. Many men struggle with handling discussions about emotions and it causes them to close up. They pull back and whatever the problem was, it because even more challenging. You'll likely find that you'll get better results if you create a scenario where your husband feels at ease. Before you plan on talking to him about what you've been feeling, explain to him that you thought it would be beneficial to both of you to talk about things without either feeling overwhelmed. Go out for a nice dinner or take a weekend trip together. Let him see that your sole purpose isn't to make him feel attacked or cornered. If he senses that you aren't accusing him, but merely looking to share your feelings in a calm and controlled way, he'll likely be more receptive.

Being taken for granted is a horrible feeling and it's even more difficult when the person you feel is doing that to you is your husband. In many marriages the couple falls into the rut of familiarity. They become so used to being together that they soon just assume that the other will always be there. That's why you may find it helpful to pull back from your spouse a bit. Start focusing more on your own needs and the things you've set aside in favor of being a wife and a mother. That could be anything from your career to a hobby you love. Often, when a woman starts taking better care of her own needs, her husband sees a change in her. He feels a bit of distance between them and it makes him sit up and take notice. Playing hard to get isn't just for younger, dating women. It works wonders even if you've been married for a few years.

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I believe that emotional intimacy is the MAIN component of a love-relationship that keeps a man invested long-term. Most older women can't compete with 25 year-olds and 30-somethings sauntering through their husbands' work spaces in mini skirts and push-up bras, but the wise older wives have something much more significant than a toned body and flawless skin. They have years worth of happy martial memories, which have enhanced their ability to hold their husbands' hearts in their hands and keep their men coming home every night, emotionally fulfilled!

Here are 4 ways to help create a deep bond between you and your man and KEEP him from ever wandering, temporarily or permanently:

1st Way to Bring Him Closer: Open Him Up

Your man has to feel COMFORTABLE CONFIDING in you (revealing confessions, secrets, fears, etc.).

In a tough world where most men feel they have to act tough just to make it through the day at work or to survive a night of beer and football with the guys, they really need to have a place where they can be vulnerable.

As a woman, you should be the one who creates that vulnerability-inviting space for him. You should create a place for him to take off his "man mask" and be able to just be himself and SHARE himself.

Though we all know that men are not like most women in the way we talk at length about our problems and speak directly about our feelings, they do need an outlet for their built-up stress and negative feelings. A woman who can create that outlet is essential to her man's happiness and emotional health.

So, how do you become a safe place for your man?

You make him YOUR safe place first. This includes two steps:

1. You risk vulnerability with him and share with him your feelings, secrets, fears, etc. Basically, you reveal your underbelly to him.

2. You allow him to comfort you in these moments like he is your hero.

Now, sharing your raw truths with him doesn't mean you become a complainer and a whiner. It means you share your negative feelings, thoughts, experiences, etc. with him in order to bring you both closer together.

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Examples of what I mean:

A COMPLAINER comes home, drops her purse on the counter, storms around the kitchen bitching about a coworker while her husband happens to be reading a book quietly at the kitchen table when she barges in and starts ranting.

A REVEALER comes home, kisses her husband on the cheek, sits down next to him, and while touching him lovingly she says, "I know you are reading that book you just bought, but I need my loving husband's ear for a minute. What do you think about that?"

A WHINER takes an intimate moment with her boyfriend (say pillow-talk) and goes on and on about her feelings around a subject, dumping all her anxiety onto her man and making him feel invisible as a person and more of a sounding board. Now, this whiner could still be sweet, loving, gentle with her words, but if she has been talking at him instead of WITH him, she is treating him like a dumpster.

A REVEALER takes this intimate moment and speaks her feelings and thoughts while constantly checking in to see if her words are landing with him. She knows when she is overwhelming him with her negativity and can stop herself without feeling resentful that he isn't continuing to listen well.

COMPLAINERS and WHINERS usually allow their men to comfort them but they don't SNAP out of their problem easily. They SUCK validation, affection, comfort instead of APPRECIATE IT and HONOR HIS EFFORTS with genuine "Thank You"s and playful "You always know what to say" kisses and hugs.

Receiving a man's comfort is important. Surrendering to his hugs, kisses, soothing words is essential. And MORE essential even is...

Accepting his comfort graciously and with sensitivity to his ego even if it doesn't feel comforting.

So...

Once you are revealing your underbelly to him and allowing him to comfort you, he will start to open up about his feelings, fears, secrets, needs, etc.

Let him.

Don't talk over him or try to fix his problems by acting like his therapist. Don't half-listen because your sister's on the other line.

Be mindful and in a way that INVITES him to feel safe and HEARD in your presence.

2nd Way to Bring Him Closer: Don't Fight Dirty.

Now that your man has opened up and shared parts of himself with you, guess what happens with a lot of women:

They take these revelations and throw them back in their man's face in moments of heated argument.

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Examples:

"That's why you think your boss thinks your weak!"

"No wonder you are afraid of feeling like a failure!"

"Maybe you are acting like that because your father was abusive, like you told me he was."

When we women see red, we want to WIN a fight and feel like our feelings are valid. They ALREADY ARE valid. All your feelings are valid. Nothing he says or does is going to negate your feelings. You are entitled to them and that's all you need to know.

If you want your man to HEAR your feelings, SEE your hurt, UNDERSTAND your pain, speak to him like he is someone YOU HEAR, SEE, UNDERSTAND.

This will create emotional connection and will bring him emotionally close to you. He will realize that you are able to HONOR his PERSON and his FEELINGS despite your having hugely negative feelings too. He will then start doing the same for you. That's how healthy men work. They want nothing more than to HOLD your feelings, even when you are upset. They just don't want to get burned for it.

If you can bring your feelings about him to him in a SAFE environment that invites closeness and positive change, he will break his back trying to honor your feelings and wishes... even if he has to make sacrifices for your happiness. He really wants to take care of your emotional needs. It feels manly for him.

3rd Way To Bring Him Closer: Touch Him and Adore, Crave, Soak In HIS Touch

Some women are naturally (or have learned to be) open with their physical affection. They touch and caress their man (or everyone they know) lovingly, tenderly, warmly. These woman are goddesses.

Sarah Jeanette, my friend and writing partner, is one of these women. She draws you in with her soft, sweet, sensuousness and she does this mostly by touching you as she speaks with you.

If you are not a sensual goddess like Sarah, you CAN BE easily. It just takes practice. It's all about LOVING touches that SOOTHE the man and INVITE him into the connection.

Please DON'T be one of those women whose touches are PULLING in nature. Touches that are not caresses but are more TAKING in their energy are not mindful touches and push men away!

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Example of a TAKING TOUCH:

You PULL on your husband when you hug him, instead of SLOWLY SINKING INTO deep physical closeness with him.

You pet your man but your petting in tense and moves TOWARD YOU, like you are trying to make him touch you back. (Your petting should move toward his direction.)

NOW, listen up...

Even more important than touching him, is RECEIVING his touch.

Anytime your man touches you, relax into it... Like he is a hot knife and you are butter on its blade. Melt into his warmth. Let your muscles relax and invite his touch.

Sometimes this is easy to do, like during great sex, and sometimes it is hard.

If you are mad at your man, you DON'T have to force yourself to melt into his touch but you shouldn't jerk away like he is RADIATION either. It feels so horrible to him.

If you are really mad and hurt, just say that you don't want to be touched, give him a reason why and LET HIM back off. If he doesn't back off immediately, you need to be firm and tell him more forcefully. But let him be the one to back off.

4th Way to Bring Him Closer: Be Playful!

Being genuinely playful requires you to feel happy in your life; therefore, you need to start having a positive, loving relationship with yourself.

* You should dote on yourself.

* Take any opportunity to laugh, to have fun, and to relax.

* You should make room to feel your negative feelings and be less hard on yourself when you are feeling down.

* You should take time for you and take care of your mind, body and soul.

* You should find a way to love your job and hobbies and find the joyousness in them.

* Indulge your senses to enhance your sensuality (look for my next article, "5 Ways to Enhance Your Feminine Allure.")

Once you love yourself in a gentle, playful, forgiving way, and you feel inside like you authentically have a positive, playful, feminine, sweet, soft, silly, giggly energy, you can bring that into your relationship.

Take any moment you can to ENJOY your man and the moments you share together. Refuse to take anything he does or says too seriously.

Find ways to make him warm and smiley and tender and silly inside. I call this Tenderizing Him-- like he is a filet in the oven you are trying to make his heart tender and juicy.

Happy moments together create emotional intimacy because laughter makes your and his heart happy and happy hearts are full of LOVE to give!

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Author's Bio: 

Now you can stop your divorce or lover’s rejection...even if your situation seems hopeless! Visit Stop Marriage Divorce

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