My Husband Doesn't Want To Work Anymore: What To Do When Your Husband Doesn't Want To Work

There's no question that unemployment can put a strain on marriage. Often times, the marriage becomes tenuous when spouses don't honestly communicate with each other how they are going to handle the situation. One spouse looking at classified job ads & the other being upset about the whole situation and just trying to work overtime to make up for the lost income, usually doesn't work.

Discuss a New Financial Plan

Both spouses need to be on the same page when discussing this type of financial event and their plan going forward. This is a delicate situation so having this discussion at a time when both spouses are relaxed and able to speak with an open-mind is ideal.

Cutting Out Expenses

Don't dwell on why your spouse lost their job & subsequently reduced the family's household income. Rather, revisit your family financial budget and start figuring out which expenses you don't necessarily need right now. The largest ticket items to cut out will be convenience related such as dining out, having two cars, and entertainment. In addition, with funds tight right now & your likely lack of experience with this type of situation, it would be wise to review your family budget on a weekly basis.

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Sell Material Possessions

It may be awhile before your spouse is able to land a new job. Start building up some cash right now by selling unnecessary luxury items you own. Items such as a stereo, bicycle, video camera or other material possession that you do not need to live with. Unlike hard cash, these items will only decrease in value over time so it makes sense to get rid of them now.

Utilize Online Resources

While it is likely that your spouse is receiving unemployment benefits to subsidize their income, don't settle on that. There are a lot of online resources in which your spouse can earn extra cash on their own time. Investigate participating in paid online surveys, freelance online writing, advertising (promoting websites), & other freelance work.

Monetize Hobby

Perhaps your spouse is a good golf player, enjoys construction, art or working out. They can monetize on these hobbies by developing a business on a small scale that is instructional. Market the product/service by word of mouth through your personal & professional networks. Some of the online social networking sites such as LinkedIn have user groups that you can join to really help get the word out about your new product/service.

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Are you serious about getting your marriage back on track? I would have to congratulate you if you are because let me tell you - maintaining a marriage is no easy task. Keeping those sacred bonds that you would have developed surely takes some effort. Since you are reading this you have taken the initiative to find ways to save your marriage. I'll tell you about my experience in how I stopped my marriage from falling apart.

I was devastated when I first learnt that my husband wanted to get a divorce. Without hesitation I burst out into tears and begged him not to do through with it. I have been in love with him for over 5 years, and although I knew that our relationship was not always the best, I truly loved being with him. I told him how much loved him and how I learned what I did wrong and how I will never do it again.

Do you really think this did anything to aid the situation? Of course not. But the majority of spouses do so out of instinct. The same goes for me and all the tears didn't do a thing.

My advice to you is to "go against the flow"; the flow being your instincts. Don't allow yourself to act desperate by following your immediate instincts and thoughts. Don't only take my word for it, but I'm sure many others will tell you the same thing. I happened to learn this the hard way. Be glad that you don't have to make the same mistakes I did. The bottom line is that your thoughts and instincts will do absolutely nothing beneficial to your marriage.

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You have met the guilty type: the person who feels bad over things they have no control over, the person who takes responsibility for other's mistakes, or the person who can't seem to rest because there is so much to do. Yes, you have met this person and they may be staring back at you in the mirror. Frequently thoughts such as "I should not have", "I can't believe I did this", "I feel so bad", or "I wish I could" plague their mind as they actually believe that everyone else thinks this way too. These thoughts often paralyze them into hours or days of inactivity or worse senseless busyness. But there is a better way.

The third stage of Erik Erikson's Psychosocial Development is Initiative vs. Guilt which occurs during the delicate years of four to six. Taking initiative is the ability to formulate a plan, an idea, or a scheme and then begin the process. It does not necessarily mean completing it however, this is a different stage of development. Guilt is an emotion where a person feels responsible, takes blame, feels shame or remorse for something that has happened. Although, it does not necessarily mean that the person committed the action.

The Psychology. These years are associated with the preschool and kindergarten years for a child when they either learn to take initiative or to feel guilty when they don't. During this time, they are very interactive with play usually creating some type of random game or imaginary scenario to reenact. If a child is allowed the freedom to play their own game or be imaginative without criticism, they learn to take initiative. If not, they feel guilty because their idea was not good enough or was done the wrong way.

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The Child. As the child progresses, if they have learned to take initiative they will naturally take responsibility in other areas of their life as well. They will want to learn and become more involved in their own basic care such as learning to cook (easy things), hygiene, academics, and sports. If they have not learned to take initiative, they may be uncharacteristically shy about trying new things without constant approval from others, they may be afraid to share ideas for fear of criticism, and often refuse any leadership opportunities.

The Adult. An adult who has learned to take initiative will handle change relatively well with an ability to formulate new plans as needed. They have learned to manage themselves and maintain a sense of self-control. However, the adult plagued by thoughts of guilt often takes on too much responsibility to mask their irresponsibility in other areas of their life. They constantly feel bad for others and try to "help" others even to their own detriment. Sadly, they are more than willing to subordinate their plans to others because their plan is never good enough.

The Cure. Recognizing the guilty thoughts and calling it guilt is half of the battle. The other half is counter-acting the thoughts with truth. For instance, if a person feels guilty because they got a promotion over a coworker, they need to stop and recognize that they are not responsible for the decision, a manager is. Moreover, perhaps the reality is that the guilty person, not the coworker, actually works harder and does deserve a promotion. As long as the guilty person did not jeopardize their coworker's chance at the promotion, there is nothing to feel guilty over.

The only time God uses guilt is to convict us of a sin. All of the other times a person feels guilty, they are actually taking on more than their responsibility and risking their health and welfare in the process. Realizing that Jesus Christ already bore the price for sin and He has already taken on the responsibility, eliminates the need for anyone to take on the sins of others. Instead, the guilty adult must learn to shed the unnecessary guilt and begin to take initiative for the things they are responsible for handling.

Couples can love one another and yet find themselves drifting apart and headed for a divorce. There are steps you can take, with or without the aid of your spouse to get your marriage back into the loving place it once was.

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When you were first married, you probably envisioned a life of unending bliss, but now that the problems are starting to show their ugly heads and your passion is beginning to ebb, you may find yourself discontent with your relationship. At that point, if you don't start working hard to build and solidify your marriage, you'll find yourself feeling sad and discouraged. An unhappy marriage lacks communication, intimacy, and the natural proclivity for building each other up. It's not that you don't love each other any more, but it's that the passion of first love has disappeared leaving in its wake the less spectacular phase of married love.

Falling in love was effortless. You floated on a cloud of euphoria and daydreamed about the wonderful qualities your significant other possessed. You were sure that these feelings were going to last forever, even if someone had tried to explain to you the way it would really be. You were sure that you were different. With these high expectations, you were bound for disappointment. As time passed, you realized that your perfect spouse wasn't quite as ideal as you'd once thought. Unless you know the coping strategies that will help you get over this hurdle and start building a stronger relationship on the other side, everything is only going to go down hill from here.

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A marriage coach is someone with the knowledge to help you deal with the changes in your marriage. He will show you that life doesn't have to be unhappy and lack fulfillment just because the stage of euphoria has passed, and he'll teach you how to grow a close, loving relationship that will be more satisfying than the more superficial first love. You will learn how to overlook the little things that annoy you about your spouse while concentrating on the positive things that makes this the person you love. You will also learn how to eliminate negative feelings from your relationship and be happy.

Not that there won't be an occasional disagreement between the two of you, but you can learn how to resolve the conflicts without causing lasting bad feelings. There's no reason to give up on your marriage just because it isn't perfect, because no relationship between two people can be. You can fix an unhappy marriage by working with a marriage coach and learning skills none of us were born knowing.

Now Listen Carefully-

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Author's Bio: 

50% of people divorce. Do not be another statistic. You Can Save Your Marriage These powerful techniques will allow you to trust again and ignite the fire and passion back into your relationship. Save Your marriage today! Click Here

Divorce does not have to be your only option. Even if it feels as though your relationship can't be saved because of the ongoing conflicts between you and your spouse, it can be. There are techniques that you can begin using today that will not only stop a divorce, but will help also you build a stronger and more loving marriage.

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