My Husband Has Become Distant: My Husband Is Cold Emotionally - How Can I Tell If He's No Longer Emotionally Connected To Me

I sometimes hear from wives who are mourning the lack of a connection in their marriage. Many worry that the emotional bond is no longer there. I heard from a wife who said: "I don't think that my husband is emotionally connected to me anymore. He's very cold and distant toward me. Last week, I lost a dear friend of mine to illness. I was sitting in the living room crying my eyes out and my husband just walked past me without saying a word. Five years ago, he would have taken me in his arms and comforted me, but he did nothing. This is just one example, but for months I've noticed him distancing himself from me emotionally. What are some additional signs that I can look for that might indicate that he is no longer connected to me? And if I'm right about this, does it mean my marriage is over?" I will address these questions in the following article. And I will tell you that I think are some signs that the emotional connection is wavering.

He's Continuously Distant And Cold: The wife could have been correct in her concerns. The above description of a husband walking right by his sobbing wife is disturbing. But, this could have been an isolated incident. Perhaps the husband himself was upset by the friend's death. There was no way to tell without having more information. The wife would be in the best position to evaluate whether this distance was a reoccurring issue. It can be helpful to try to take an objective look at how often he affectionately touches or talks to you. Because when people have an emotional connection, they will often touch or reach out to one another without even thinking about it. They will naturally want to ask about each other's day or have discussions to find out what is going on with the other. If this isn't happening, it's important to take notice and see if you can pin point any other areas of your marriage that might cause concern.

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You Notice Changes In Your Sex Life: People often assume that sex is an activity that is based more on a physical or chemical attraction. This is sometimes true. But many married couples who have good and satisfying sex lives also have a very strong emotional connection. Because if you are not invested emotionally, then the physical manifestation of that connection is not going to happen as often, if at all. So if you are noticing negative changes in your sex life, this might be another indication that you're losing that emotional bond.

He's Avoiding Spending Time Alone With You: The harsh reality is that when you do not feel connected to someone, you aren't going to be all that excited about spending time alone with them. It's just not your priority because you just don't find it to be a lot of fun. So you tend to just avoid the situation all together. If you notice that your spouse is working late, going out with friends, sitting in front of the TV, getting up quickly from the dinner table, or turning down your requests to spend time together, then these things are all red flags that he's avoiding you for some reason. There's no way to tell (at least without asking) if these things are due to emotional disconnect. But they are indicative of a spouse who isn't all that excited about spending quality time with you.

He's Breaking Away To Do Things On His Own Or To Assert His Independence: When your husband is losing emotional interest in you, then you will sometimes see him begin to break away from your marriage and live more as an individual or in a way that would be indicative of a single person. You might see him having dinner with friends without you or going on trips without asking you to go along. This may indicate that your spouse is beginning to think of themselves more as an individual and less as part of a whole.

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If You're Husband Is Losing His Emotional Connection To You, Does This Mean That Your Marriage Is In Trouble Or Over? In my opinion, it does mean that you should pay attention or even consider taking some action. And, a loss of the emotional connection can be a serious warning sign that your marriage is in trouble, but it doesn't necessarily mean that your marriage is over. You can always improve your situation and therefore improve your marriage. And I am living proof that you can return the emotional connection to your marriage even when it has been long gone.

Frankly, the first step in getting the connection back is noticing that it's gone. Many wives live in denial and tell themselves that they've been married such a long time that they have become comfortable. In my experience, even comfortable couples who are emotionally connected still reach out to one another, make time for one another, and know without any doubt that they are loved. If you have any questions about this, then that is a good indication that you can make some major improvements in this area.

So how do you get the connection back? By turning your time, attention, and focus back to your marriage. Be a good listener. Show your spouse that you appreciate them. Pay attention to the cues and clues that they are giving you. Be vulnerable and not afraid to reach out to them even when they are not reaching out to you. Remember the things that drew you together in the first place and don't make excuses or tell yourself that things will work out on their own.

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There are at least four keys to a marriage that does not end in divorce. The first is communication in prayer with God and with one another. An engaged couple needs to talk about their goals and ambitions in life. Discuss how these goals can best be achieved. Talk about children. In today's society it is hard to find a common time to pray together but that does not keep the couple from praying for one another.

The second key to a successful marriage is commitment. Couples should make a conscious decision that marriage is like a sacred and permanent lock that keeps them together. Divorce should not be the solution to any problems that occur. Couples should write their own marriage vows so that they will realize the commitment that they are making.

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The third key to a marriage that lasts is love. Couples should realize that each individual expresses his/her love in many different ways. Couples who want a successful marriage should treat each other with enough respect to accept how he/she displays emotions. Say, "I Love you", and mean it. Gently touch her hand; call him at work and leave a message, "I'm thinking of you". Tuck a photo of yourself in a suitcase or leave a note of love on the pillow.

The fourth key of a successful marriage is the Bible. Let God be the center of the marital relationship like in the marriage of Isaac and Rebekah. Even though marriages in the Bible are different for those in the United States, there are guidelines that engaged couples can follow. Record personal history in a family Bible and pass it on to the next generation so it will be a record of your genealogy.

A marriage that does not end in divorce is based upon keys of communication, commitment, love and the Bible. A successful marriage is one that is permanently locked until the death of one of the spouses.

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In Ecclesiastes it states, "To every thing there is a season, and a time for every purpose under the sun." Does this mean in our relationships too? The correct answer to that would be yes, everything changes in time and our purpose for what we do, can change as well.

Our relationships evolve - evolution doesn't always mean that they continue to get better as they continue and mature. Can we ever prepare for the setbacks in our lives? Not always, but we can become more aware by paying attention and using intuitive skills.

We can learn what the warning signs are when our relationships start to crumble - once you recognize what these signs are you can have a brief meltdown, pull yourself together, and move on.

1. Withdrawing

Are either of you putting space between you by spending alone time in different rooms? Has he told you that he can't spend time with you over the weekend because he's made other plans and he doesn't share what they are. Is your partner withdrawing from you physically and emotionally and doesn't have time to sit down to talk about it. Your connection with each other is broken.

Have you noticed that you spend little or no time cuddling and petting and neither of you are making the time to be close? Communicating physically is a vital part of a relationship and when these important parts are missing one or the other of you will begin looking elsewhere for this attention. If conversations are dull and boring, without substance, and you have little interest in your mates activities or feelings, your relationship is doomed.

2. Disagreements

Arguments crop up in all relationships, and for the most part are healthy for a couple. There are bound to be things that come up that need to be sorted out, that you won't both agree upon. That's normal. Investing the time necessary to hash out the issues and solve the problems allows you to get your feelings out in the open so that you can arrive at a conclusion or agree to compromise.

Disagreements that take place within troubled relationships often go one of two ways. When you stop arguing as a couple and show no signs of an emotional involvement the message is "I don't care." If either of you are displaying signs of not caring there is no personal investment and you aren't willing to fight for the relationship.

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This is also true if you disagree and argue all of the time about the minutia of daily life, this is not good. Continual arguments say, "I'm not happy here any more." Quibbling sets the atmosphere for a continual argument, opening the door to say things that reflect dissatisfaction with the relationship by both of you.

3. Checking Out The Merchandise.

When your partner casts his eye on every walking female or starts comparing you to others or your relationship with other relationships, halt what you are doing and size-up your situation. Comparisons of any type relay the message, "you have changed and I don't like who you have become." He's looking and may have already moved on to a "newer, younger model" or he is having regrets and misses a former lover. Whatever the case, your partner has changed the rules of the game and you aren't going to get the new game rules.

It's time to move on, now! Don't allow anyone to trample your self-esteem or denigrate your self-worth. There are others out there who will appreciate what you have to offer.

4. Living in the Now

Most people invest energy and time in relationships that promise to become something valued and permanent. Appreciating each other and the moments you spend together is important and should never be overlooked, however, always have your eyes cast toward the future by making plans for a trip or vacation you both look forward to allowing quality time together. If these activities have taken a back seat to spontaneous activities only, you both should sit down and reevaluate what your relationship has in store for you in the future.

If there is discomfort with any discussion about the future as a couple or if the excitement of planning your future together with long-term commitments isn't there, neither of you will put forth the effort needed to get there.

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In so many circles, both Christian and non-Christian, Facebook cheating has been a major factor in causing marital conflicts, and in some cases divorce.

What is Facebook cheating? It's when you establish or maintain an emotional and/or physical connection with a man through Facebook. (This also applies to any other social networking site.)

While the ups and downs of marriage can leave us starving for attention, as Christian women, we must do our part to avoid using Facebook or any other social networking site to fulfill this void in our lives even when our husbands are emotionally absent. While Facebook cheating can be very tempting because it's just a click away, you must consider the consequences of allowing yourself to become emotionally or even physically attached to any man other than your husband.

Below you'll find some helpful suggestions that can prevent you from getting involved in an emotional or physical affair as a result of using Facebook.

1. Establish a meaningful purpose for being on Facebook.

• Do you have a business or ministry you want to promote?
• Do you chat with other women who have things in common with you?
• Is this just an emotional outlet that you go to when you're feeling sad, depressed, or lonely in your marriage?

For instance, my main purpose for social networking is to market my site to my potential customers to let them know about the resources we have to offer. Maybe you want to reconnect with some old college buddies or childhood friends. Or you might want to get some input on a business venture you're trying to start. There's nothing wrong with reaching out to people for these reasons. But if loneliness is your reason for being on Facebook, I would suggest using another outlet such as:

• Spending time in God's presence.
• Reading a good book.
• Finding a godly female mentor to talk with.
• Connecting with a live networking group in your area(s) of interest.
• Hanging out with girlfriends who will encourage you to do the right things.

2. Limit your time on Facebook. If you know you will get lost in "social networking space", then you'll need to set a time limit for staying on the site. You may even need to place an alarm clock or timer by your computer as a reminder. The day goes by so fast that before you know it, you've wasted your whole day because of your activity on Facebook. As a result, this could cause unnecessary friction in your marriage.

3. Make yourself unavailable to chat while you're on Facebook. This can be a major distraction when you're on Facebook. One night I was multi-tasking, (on the phone and checking my Facebook messages when an ex-boyfriend sent a chat message. It was frustrating because I didn't feel like being bothered and it threw me off because I wasn't prepared to hear from anyone. I immediately got off of Facebook and went onto something else. (I responded the next day to the guy's message, but was very brief.) Why? Because I didn't have time for small talk. If it wasn't about my business, there wasn't much to say. I didn't need to begin a long, drawn out conversation to rekindle the past. It would only take me off focus and put me in a place I would regret later down the road.

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4. Update your photo. Instead of having a picture of just yourself, upload a picture of you and your husband. This can often send the message that you love your husband and you're serious about your marriage. In many cases, men, (both new friends and old), won't even waste their time trying to talk to you. If you do decide to leave a picture of only yourself, don't post a provocative picture because doing this can send men messages that you're vulnerable and looking for attention. Trust me -- someone will respond to this poor cry!

5. Establish a cut-off time for sending messages to men on Facebook. I set a rule for myself: I do not send messages to men after 9:00 pm. It just seems to be an appropriate time, and it helps me to set boundaries for myself. If I receive a message from a man after that time, I will talk with my husband about it or I will wait to respond the next day. In most cases your Facebook conversations with men can wait.

6. Unfriend or block any man who makes you "tingle." This refers to ex-boyfriends, co-workers, men who attend your church, or any other man you befriend on Facebook. There was a man who I befriended on Facebook who attended my church. This man was very handsome. Whenever I saw this man in person or on Facebook, it would trigger some unhealthy emotions in my heart and mind. I found myself checking his page often and looking on his wall. It wasn't good for me or my marriage. As a result, I made the conscious decision to unfriend this man. The last thing I needed to do was to send him a provocative message and begin an online affair. How would that make my husband feel? And what would it do to the emotional intimacy in my marriage?

7. Refuse to reconnect with old boyfriends if you still have some type of feelings or emotional connections. So many people erroneously think that once you get married, you will never be attracted to anyone else. That's a lie! If there were some men who you never closed your heart to before you got married, then chances are you will still be curious about how things could have been if you had stayed with the person.

To assure yourself that you won't open that door again, I recommend you:

• Refuse his friend request.
• Block him or at least unfriend him if you have already reconnected with him on Facebook.
Taking these precautions will eliminate the temptation to reconnect with your past. After all, in most cases if you were meant to be with that person, he would have been your husband!

8. If you are considering reconnecting with an ex-boyfriend, I recommend you ask your husband if he is okay with this before you actually do it. If your husband doesn't seem open to this, then I suggest you don't. Also, check your motives for reconnecting with your ex.

You may be wondering, "Why do I need to ask my husband about reconnecting with an ex when he doesn't ask me about reconnecting with his ex-girlfriend(s)? In this case, we're talking about how you can prevent yourself from falling into an affair. But if you are concerned about your husband's activity on Facebook, then this is where proper communication must come into play. You may need to prayerfully decide how you will approach this issue with your husband once you have done your part to avoid Facebook cheating.

9. Don't go on Facebook when you're angry with your husband because your anger could encourage you to talk a man online and establish an inappropriate relationship. You could also divulge information about your husband that could give this person ammunition to pursue you at a later time.

Instead, find something that will help you to calm down and balance your emotions. You could use that same time you were going to get on Facebook to do something more productive such as:

• Pray.
• Write your frustrations in a journal.
• Think about why you are so frustrated.
• Read a good book to get your mind off of things for awhile
• Write your husband a letter. (You may want to throw it away, especially if your words are hurtful.)

10. Refuse to leave a post that rants and rages about your husband or marriage. At times we get angry and we become overly emotional; but in our venting it could lead us to say things that we may regret in the end. If you're anything like me, I have over 1,000 friends. You never know who could be reading your posts and waiting for the perfect opportunity to connect with you during a vulnerable time in your life.

While Facebook can be an amazing tool for establishing healthy relationships, marketing, networking, and reconnecting with past friends, as Christian women we must take necessary precautions to avoid establishing emotional ties with men other than our husbands through this venue.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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