My Husband Has No Desire For Me: My Husband Has No Passion For Me Anymore

Your husband has lost interest in sex. You feel rejected and so alone. It's not something that you've been able to talk to him about for several reasons. Perhaps you feel scared that he'll tell you it's because he's met someone else or maybe you're more concerned that he's fallen out of love with you. Regardless of the reason for your reluctance to bring it up, nothing is improving. You two still haven't been intimate in some time and you're beginning to worry that the longer you go without making love, the harder it will be to rekindle that lost passion. You can change the intimate aspect of your relationship and it's not as challenging as you may think it is.

The first thing you have to do if your husband has lost interest in sex is rule out any medical issues. It's understandable that you feel hesitant about talking to him about this but it's important that you encourage him to get a yearly physical examination. Just stress that it's a crucial part of staying healthy and stay clear of talking about the intimacy issues you two are facing. That way he can go to see the doctor and before long you'll both learn if there is something physical that is impacting his desire to be intimate with you.

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Once that is all taken care of you need to start looking at the emotional reasons for his pulling away from you. One big culprit is stress. If your husband is overloaded with stress in his life, intimacy is going to suffer. He'll have no desire because he won't be able to get his mind to that place. You can help by doing whatever you can to alleviate some of the pressures he's facing. Sometimes the most compassionate thing you can do is talk with him and give him an ear to listen and a shoulder to lean on. That can make all the difference in the world in terms of how he feels.

How he feels about himself physically can also impact whether or not he wants to make love. Just as we get focused on those few extra pounds we've gained, men do much the same thing. If you hear your husband making comments about how he wishes he was thinner or he stresses that he wants to get in better shape, get on board and help him with that. Work out together and cook healthy meals as a couple. It will help you both get toned and it will also allow you the chance to get reconnected in a very unique way.

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Last week we celebrated the wedding of two young adults in our church. I had the privilege of giving the wedding sermon. And in my sermon I shared with them this time tested key for a successful marriage. Now this might surprise you, but this time tested key for a successful marriage is found in the Bible in Proverbs 18:22.

Carefully read with me the words found in Proverbs 18:22. "He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord." I think it would also be appropriate to turn the proverb around in this way. "She who finds a husband finds a good thing..."

At this point you are probably raising this question to yourself. "What does this proverb have to do with a successful marriage?" This Proverb teaches us two important concepts about a successful marriage. Let me share them with you.

First, this Proverb teaches us about the sovereignty of God in marriage.

A couple with a successful marriage understands this important truth. God is the one who brought them together. Please understand you did not meet your spouse by accident. God arranged all the details of life so that you might meet each other and marry each other.

If God brought you together then your spouse is a special gift from the Lord. And if your spouse is a gift from the Lord then we need to treat them like a special gift. Think what would happen in America if people began to treat their spouse as a special gift from the Lord.

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Years ago I ministered at a church in North Dakota. In the congregation there where several couples who celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary. Each of them had a happy marriage because they understood this important truth. God was the one who brought them together. They therefore treated each other as a special gift from the Lord. And this made a difference in their marriage.

Second, this Proverb teaches us about the goodness of God in marriage.

Please understand that God is the one who created the idea of marriage. And whatever God creates is good. Your marriage is a good thing. And if someone puts down marriage they are putting down what God has called good. It's that simple.

At this point you may be frustrated with your spouse. You may at this point wish you were never married to them. But please remember this important truth. If you are married then you have found a good thing. For whatever God creates is always good.

When couples come to me for help they often say this to me. "We just don't like one another any more." I then ask them to list two or three things that originally attracted them to each other. As they list what originally attracted them to each other, smiles usually fill their faces. Once again they realized that they have found a good thing in one another.


The next time you are frustrated with your marriage please remember these two important truths. First, remember the sovereignty of God in marriage. God is the one who brought you together. Therefore treat one another as a special gift from the Lord. Second, remember the goodness of God in marriage. You have found a good thing in one each other.

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Anyone would want to maintain a harmonious and blissful relationship with his or her spouse. When you have decided to get into a marriage, you want to maintain that spark and flicker alive within you and your partner as well. Good and stable marriages can be nurtured to grow even better. Building a good relationship does take a lot of commitment, love and plenty of time. Right now, you may be enjoying a marriage made in heaven wherein your fights are limited, your finances are stable and you and your partner can still manage quality time together every week. However, there are still other ways for you to make things better and build a good foundation for a healthy and lasting married life.

Thinking About your Partner

Try to come up with ways for you to avoid being selfish. A marriage involves two different people who need to be thinking about each other's welfare all the time. The sacrament of matrimony binds two souls together, and each one is accountable to the other. Marriage may be a form of give-and-take relationship, but always remember that your needs won't always come first this time. Sometimes, your partner's needs take priority over yours.

It is important to keep communication avenues open and share with one another. This applies for both the good and bad things that are happening in your daily lives. If you fail to share your daily lives and experiences with one another, this will mean shutting out your partner and keeping him or her uninvolved during tough times. Marriage is supposed to be a celebration of the wonderful things in life and sharing about the worse circumstances.

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Watch your financial behaviors closely. As a couple, you should discuss your spending and saving behaviors. Decide on your monthly expenses together and try to stick with it.

Marriage is more than just a partnership. A marriage is a genuine connection between you and your partner. Spending a lot of time with your friends aside from your spouse, and sharing all those deep thoughts and emotions can make your partner feel unappreciated and left out.

Don't forget to tell your partner how grateful you are. Little things in relationships should not be taken for granted. A simple "thank you" is a good way to express how you feel about what your partner did for you. Slip a "thank you" note in his pocket once in a while for a big favor and even for the simple and mundane things.

Think About Yourself, Too

Carefully watch the independence that you are enjoying. Even if you think you can accomplish things on your own, make sure you let your partner feel that he/she is still needed. People love the feeling of "being needed" sometimes. It makes a person feel that he/she is significant.

Try to avoid getting too involved with organizations, hobbies, work, etc. This can potentially create conflict and strain in the relationship. You don't want your partner to think that he/she takes second priority in your life.

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The cold war. Every marriage has seen a glimpse of it. This is when a couple share long, steady periods of silence amongst themselves, all the time building up on ammunition to strike next, at the best given time. The fatalistic aspect of the cold war is that there is no meltdown until one party cries uncle and gives in to a disgruntled yet smug spouse, who takes his / her sweet time to respond. Here is the question though: what is the end game for such a tactic? How else can it be achieved? Most importantly, can it be achieved without going through the wear and tear of the silent treatment?

As a Relationship Coach a crucial factor that needs to be determined is what the end game actually is. If the purpose of an endless silent battle ensuing in the house that affects everyone who lives in it is for the husband to understand his wife's point of view, then there is a much simpler and less grueling way to achieve the purpose. It takes just a small fraction of the amount of time and effort on the wife's part and is easy on the hearts and minds of both partners. This nearly magical trick is called Physical Touch.

The first thing that nearly every wife does on reaching a disagreement with her husband is retracting herself physically from him. Gone are the hugs, the pats of approval and all other endearing terms of affection. In come the icy cold stares, the banging of the doors and meals eaten in uncomfortable silence. A better approach would be for the wife to keep giving her husband the validation that he seeks for the good habits that he keeps up despite a disagreement through means of physical touch.

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Physical touch is a constant reminder to your spouse that you care. In the face of a minor, or even a major disagreement the one aspect that shows your spouse that you are steadfast in your feelings for him will be your body language towards him. Had it been a critical situation like an accident or a death in the family, the first reaction that people feel is the want of a hug, or any other reassuring touch. Your body language is your expression of security and tells your spouse you are here to stay despite your differences.

The conveyance of security through your endearing body language is imperative also because it is something you would like for yourself. The best way for your spouse to understand the value of an expression of love for you is for him to feel the same intensity for himself. When you selflessly give to him despite a disagreement, he will wish he were the first to think of it.

When disagreements are dealt with as natural aspects of a marriage, and handled with the utmost love throughout its course, both partners emerge from it as refreshed individuals, as their deepest fears of rejection or disapproval are met with unconditional support. The change you want to see in your marriage is entirely dependent on the steps you are willing to take towards it.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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