My Husband I Don't Agree On Parenting: How To Save A Marriage When You Disagree About Parenting

Becoming a parent for the first time is probably the hardest thing you can ever go through. I'm not really referring to giving birth, though that definitely adds to the mix! I'm talking about the first moment you touch that little baby and realize it's a human being with emotions, feelings, and thoughts separate from yours.

This can be a scary moment. I know I was shocked to stillness, completely thrown by the idea that this new person had been inside me for 9 months. Suddenly it becomes super important to do everything perfectly, lest we mess up or "break" this perfect little person.

With all the emotions and stress of giving birth, it can get very easy to assume the role of Perfect Mom. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, but it doesn't make parenting easy. In fact, it makes parenting, specifically the art of sharing parenting with a spouse, damn difficult.

How can your husband compete with you in the role of clothes and diaper changing when you've obsessed about it to the point of perfection? How can he ever match your ability to strip your baby and have it dressed again in one minute flat?

He can't, I'm sorry to say. Your husband will never be as good at the minute details because in the long run, it really won't matter. Your sixteen year old is still going to be moody regardless of whether Dad put his socks on right or not.

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So the better thing will be to calm down the Perfect Mom role. Here are three tips on relaxing and enjoying your baby's scary first weeks:

- Stop counting - It seems ingrained in our makeup somehow to count, time, and record everything to do with our children. When we aren't obsessing about the number of bowel movements the baby either has or hasn't had, we're developing an elaborate point system against our husbands. Counting all the ways you work harder or do more than your spouse isn't a fun way to spend the afternoon.

Just relax, breathe deep, and let it go. You can make the decision to calm down and relax and make the first baby days a peaceful transition. Or you can mindlessly stress yourself out by counting and keeping track of everything in sight.

- Invest in ear muffs - Yes, babies cry. I'm sorry to break that to you so bluntly, but you're in for some serious problems if you plan on having a tear free child. Crying isn't damaging. The baby isn't going to break. Just put him in a safe place and let him belt it out. Chances are if you leave him alone for 15 minutes, he probably won't even cry for 5.

It is the biggest, most pervasive lie in our modern society that cry is damaging and babies shouldn't do it. Crying is a release. Try it - you might be needing a good cry yourself!

- Stop reading baby books - I know this one will be the hardest of all. Stop reading them. Throw them all away. None of them have the answers. I say this with complete understanding and sympathy because I was the proud owner of about 15 baby books and they definitely can take their toll. My husband finally had enough one day when he found me sobbing over my infant, blubbering on about how I thought James was underfed because of what some book said.

Looking back, this is quite funny because my son was always chubby from birth, and in no way could he ever have been starving for nourishment. Those books will get into your head and make you question everything. Chuck them out or just hide them from yourself. It will be alright!

More than anything else, relax and enjoy this time. You need to rest, read some good romance novels, and send happy, loving vibrations to your husband and baby. Parenting will always be hard, but you can make it easier for yourself if you just chill out!

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It's not uncommon for relationships to completely change during the course of a marriage. However, if you think that the road you are on leads to a divorce, you are asking yourself "how do I stop a divorce?". Unfortunately, it's only one spouse who wants to repair the marriage, and therefore is alone in trying to do so. But do not despair, as there are actions you can take in order to repair your marriage and make it better than ever.

If you're asking yourself "how do I stop a divorce?", you should have a look at the way you were treating your spouse. Maybe you'll realize that you have been criticising them harshly because of things they did or decisions they made. This kind of negativity - always seeing the bad things - can easily kill all enthusiasm in the marriage. Right now you have to stop being negative and start thinking positively. Concentrate on this and focus on only the good things that your spouse does. You are definitely going to see an improvement in your spouse's manners towards you, because the difference between a negative person and a positive person is decisive.

Another answer to the question "how do I stop a divorce" is to understand that a hard life might make your spouse vent out his or her frustrations on daily life on you. Everyone can easily get overwhelmed by the hardships of life and reflect this upon their spouses. In this case, you want to ensure that you do whatever you can in order to make your spouse's life easier. It will both make him or her happier and shift his or her feelings in a decisive manner.

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You and your spouse were so happy when you first got married. You did absolutely everything together and had no real need for anyone else in your lives. However, in recent years, you have both become involved with your own circle of friends, and quite frankly don't have time for each other anymore. This is a warning sign that your marriage is heading for divorce, so do something about it as soon as possible!

It started gradually - at first you had a couple of mutual friends. You were invited out to play golf with one of these friends and his mates. At first it was once in a while, and eventually became a regular weekend thing. Your spouse too had the same thing happen. Various women's get-togethers - they were a lot of fun, and also became a regular weekend thing - without you.

Those weekends with your respective friends even turned into holidays with them - without you and your spouse. It really didn't bother either of you because you were so busy getting things ready and making arrangements with your friends, that you sort of just said goodbye to each other in passing. This is very dangerous - it has reached a stage where your marriage is heading for divorce and you should both change your attitudes before it is too late.

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Now that you have realized that your marriage is heading for divorce, you need to find ways to try to fix the problem before it really gets out of hand. So just what do you do to prevent you and your spouse from parting ways?

It's really very simple. Tell your friends that you think they are really great, but the time has come to slow things down - dramatically! Tell them that your marriage is heading for divorce, and you love your spouse too much and he/she is too important to you to have something drastic happen.

Your marriage is heading for divorce because of your friends. Cut your time with your friends down by at least half, spend more quality time with your spouse and get to know each other properly again. You loved each other deeply before - help that love to grow again and get your marriage back on track again.

Couples can love one another and yet find themselves drifting apart and headed for a divorce. There are steps you can take, with or without the aid of your spouse to get your marriage back into the loving place it once was.

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Infidelity is one of the most devastating problems that can arise in a relationship. Nothing causes a lack of trust and safety in a relationship like infidelity, which will rock the very foundation of your marriage.

Infidelity is commonly defined as sexual behavior performed by one partner outside of the relationship. Infidelity can also extend beyond the realm of physical intimacy to include an intense emotional connection or attraction to someone else (an emotional affair). Infidelity appears differently between couples and sometimes even between partners in a relationship. What may be acceptable behavior to one couple would be inexcusable to another. What is satisfying to one partner may be abhorrent to the other. It is important to not dismiss your partner's feelings just because you may feel another way.

It is not uncommon to feel like your world has been turned upside down upon learning that your partner has had an affair. Infidelity throws your normal emotional state into turmoil; your feelings can easily fluctuate from one minute to the next, and from one day to the next.

Common reactions when an affair is discovered include:

- Feeling vulnerable and unsafe in your relationship

- Believing the worst about your partner's intentions

- Questioning the future

- Believing there are other betrayals that you don't know about

- Feeling out of control in your relationship; you no longer trust that you know what your partner is thinking or doing

- Questioning your beliefs about who your partner is and about the relationship in general

- Shock, rage, depression, anxiety, hopeless, sadness, numbness, guilt, or shame

- Feeling foolish for not having "seen the signs"

- Feeling uncertain about your worthiness and attractiveness

- Feeling overwhelmed by visions of what you imagine the affair to have been

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- Experiencing flashbacks of details that you have been told about the affair

- Fluctuating between wanting to end the relationship and wanting everything to be the way it was before the revelation

- Being distracted and forgetful

- Withdrawing from contact with friends and family

- Retreating emotionally from others

- Repeatedly asking for an explanation about how it happened

- Seeking revenge by verbally attacking the partner, breaking things, and resorting to physical violence which is uncharacteristic of who you "normally" are

Despite the pain and difficulty of dealing with infidelity, divorce isn't always inevitable. With the firm commitment on the part of both partners to understand why this breach of trust happened, and the mutual goal to rebuild that trust, some relationships can emerge even stronger.

To help heal infidelity, the partner who strayed must take responsibility for his or her actions and end the affair. He or she must also be open to answering questions about the affair to satisfy the needs of the one who was betrayed. Take care to answer questions in measured amounts so that neither person gets overwhelmed or feels compelled to act out in ways that are further destructive to the relationship.

It is also important to clarify why the affair happened. It is easy to blame the partner who strayed for a problem, but if you can take a step back and look at the dynamic between each of you, you might come to understand why this choice was made. Notice what was happening (or better yet, not happening) in your relationship to lead your partner to look outside for comfort or connection. While coming to this understanding is typically a slow, painful process, it can also foster a real understanding and bond between the two of you.

Now Listen Carefully-

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Author's Bio: 

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Divorce does not have to be your only option. Even if it feels as though your relationship can't be saved because of the ongoing conflicts between you and your spouse, it can be. There are techniques that you can begin using today that will not only stop a divorce, but will help also you build a stronger and more loving marriage.

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