My Husband Is A Mama's Boy: How To Attract My Husband From His Mother

A bottomless pit, similar to the chicken or the egg situation. It is true - world over, men are Mamma's boys (with capital M).

Kavya and Karthik were honeymooning in Munnar when they heard about drizzle in Chennai. Karthik was perturbed and immediately called his parents to check if they were flooded! Kavya was rendered speechless. She thought the whole situation ludicrous.

Look out, there are Karthiks who think the world begins and ends with their parents. Culturally we are indoctrinated about parents being our responsibility. So, men go overboard and allow themselves to be molly coddled as mamma's boys. The wives are looked at as a threat to the security of parents' existence.

Vidya laments about her husband's 'non-involvement' policy whenever there is an altercation between herself and his mother.

Men have a flexible spine when asked to choose between mother and wife. What they fail to understand is there is no need to choose. Both are on different levels of relationship. It is not about who is more important. A sensible balanced man would wisely choose to look at the crux of the issue.

The mother is responsible for son's existence and has looked to all his needs with utmost devotion. Hurrah to the mother.

Nobody can replace her. But who is talking about replacing the mom? A wife is not a substitute mother. She is responsible for sharing his future as a willing partner in journey of life.

But, an element of guilt is layered on to the man's conscience when he is married. The mother feels insecure about having to play second fiddle to a newcomer.

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Varsha and Vaishnav married against his parent's wishes. Vaishnav shared a close relationship with his mother and she was shocked that her darling son would choose the other woman over her! Vaishnav was very clear about his commitment to Varsha.

He felt he owed his loyalty to his wife who had willingly forsaken everything for his sake. Vaishnav believed in his decision since he felt marrying Varsha does not stop him from fulfilling his responsibility to his parents.

Mothers influence sons considerably and guys sharing close rapport with their moms make for great husbands. Your husband treats women with respect and kindness. Give credit to mommy because she is responsible for her son's caring, considerate and thoughtful nature. The flip side is closeness between mother-son can interfere and stifle your relationship with him.

Then warning bells begin clanging!

Some mothers have difficulty adjusting to the idea that somebody else can play an important role in their son's life. So she makes him feel guilty for doing so.

The husband feels he is betraying his mom while being a 'good' husband. Instead of calling him a wimp, make him realize if he falls for the act now, he would forever be caught in this guilt trip. Insist that his mom should adjust to the changed situation and accept it instead of resenting it. Thank him when he has justly supported you.

It is not about dominance but about taking charge from then on, similar to office take over situation. This can be done aggressively or it can be done conciliatory as the situation warrants.

But the objective should not be malicious. Your point is not to settle scores with your in-laws but is about defending your role in your husband's life. The difference is in the intent.

Marriage should be based on mutual love and respect and not of intimidation and guilt. With perseverance you can have a great marriage despite having not so great in-laws.

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Although we would all like some sort of guidelines on how to get out of trouble, no matter their specific, especially when it comes to solutions to save the marriage, there is no such thing as a universal answer.

Some would say there is nothing that love and patience cannot fix, others would bet anything on communication. Unfortunately, each relationship is different, and what can save a marriage in one case, has every chance to ruin it in another.

Of course, you should not lose hope. Just the fact that you are trying is a sign that not everything is lost. You should however refrain from betting all your cards on "by the book" solutions and focus on small things you can adjust to your particular relationship.

The first step into solving any marriage difficulties is identifying their root.

What is the nature of your marriage problems? Don't wait for someone else to tell you. Analyze things on your own, and then look for your share of the blame. It is in our nature to blame someone else for everything that is wrong in our lives, and yet, in most of the cases, if not in all of them, we are the most responsible.

You may hate to admit it, but embracing your guilt and working to wash it off is the first step towards the healing you need. Once that is accomplished, you can move on to more constructing steps to save the marriage.

A second step would be to confront your loved one. Not to fight, not to argue or look for excuses, but to reveal thoughts, ideas and wishes, to create the premises for a fresh start. With patience, love and consideration, nothing is impossible.

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It is then time to start all over again, to use what you have shared in the past as a foundation and build a new relationship, step by step, on small gestures, a breath of confidence and especially neutral support.

You will probably say this sound like a so-called universal solution. Well, it is not. The basic principles are indeed quite common and can apply to any relationship, but the secret lies in how you personalize them and adjust them to your particular situation.

No guide telling you exactly what to do every step of the way will ever work.

The problem is not with the author, with the idea or with you. It stands in the so many differences making people unique and in those guides' impossibility to cover everything. You would never have the patience to read thousands of pages anyway, so why bother looking for universal solutions in the first place?

Take what you can find and adjust it to your needs, to your personality and that of your loved one. Don't worry! No one knows the details better than you do and only you can find the answer to the problems you are having.

The best strategy to save the marriage is to follow you instincts, listen to your heart and trust the feelings you and your loved one share.

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Do you ever look at other married couples and think" why are they having such a great time in bed and we're not?" If you have problems in the marriage bed, I bet you do. Night after night of saying goodnight to your partner with a peck on the cheek and turning onto your side, feeling lonely and rejected. Well, the good news in all this is: You are certainly not alone, even if you are feeling lonely. It is estimated that around 15% percent of all married couples are experience problems in the marriage bed. This article looks at 3 facts you must know.

1. A "sexless marriage" has got nothing to do with age

A "sexless marriage" is described by therapists having sex with your partner less than 10 times per year as well as having absolutely no sex at all. Moreover it's certainly not just elderly people who have a lack of sex. Many couples have regular sex into their 70's and 80's. On the other hand, married couples in their 20's and 30's can also have a sexless marriage.

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2. Solve the Cause, Not the Symptoms

A lack of sex in a marriage is the symptom of deeper lying problem within a marriage. How much time do you make to do things as a couple and not as individuals? Could there be issues in the past that are making you angry or resentful? Are there money worries? How much alcohol are you drinking? Has one of you been unfaithful in the past? All of these issues can affect your desire for your partner. Trying simply to solve the fact that you are not having sex can just make the problem worse. Look at the underlying reasons!

3. Don't Lose Hope...But Do Something!

Although it is true that lack of physical intimacy can lead to separation or divorce, problems in the marriage bed need not mean the end of a relationship. Couples who have not had sex together for a number of years can still come together and have a marriage that is more fulfilling than it ever was. The key is not to wait, do nothing and hope that it will all turn out right. No, you must act and seek for every way you can solve the problems that affect you as a couple. Remember this. For every problem there is an answer. Help is at hand.

Couples can love one another and yet find themselves drifting apart and headed for a divorce. There are steps you can take, with or without the aid of your spouse to get your marriage back into the loving place it once was.

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Spend any time watching social media and you soon discover that the world seems to be going crazy.

There are sides in everything. Politics has its left and right. Church has its fundamentals and liberals. There are feminists and misogynists. Pro-lifers and those for pro-choice. Those for and against same-sex marriage. People who believe in euthanasia and those who don't. This article is nothing about any of these issues.

It's about the peace you seek amid a warring world.

Perhaps you are tired of the constant war of words.

Maybe you cannot bear conflict, but you also cannot let it exist.

Social media is an unprecedented public square. Because, if you're reading this you're most likely connected to social media and will not be able to escape many kinds of upsetting discussions.

But it isn't just social media that embroils us in disgust for how people treat each other, and how they treat us if we choose to speak up, it's prevalent in the real face-to-face world too. Sometimes we share a view without considering what others might think and end up upsetting them or becoming upset ourselves. From time to time there are events that sweep us away on a wearying tide of grief simply because we didn't see conflict coming.

Quickly emotions boil, and just as reputations that are built over 20 years are destroyed in five seconds, skewed emotions in perilous moments lay once-committed relationships waste.

Suddenly a wedge is driven deeply into the heart of persons who once loved each other so much.

Is there a way to avoid all this? Is there a wisdom we can deploy that helps us circumvent disaster?

There is, but it has to be God's way. This peacemaking way, that not everybody can agree with is the way. It's only those who are committed to war who hate the peacemaking way.

But love superintendents everything.

It has been said...

'If someone treats you bad, just remember that there is something wrong with them, not you. Normal people don't go around destroying other people.'

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It is worthwhile remembering that whilst this adage fits, it's no good if we hold to it, yet others experience us as being destructive toward them. We cannot be seekers of peace for ourselves yet destroyers of others.

Peace for ourselves requires we achieve peace with others.

It is hard to live at peace with ourselves if we're warring with others. Yet at the same time it is a wise thing to protect ourselves from the trauma unsafe others would inflict on us.

How do we live at peace in this world that seems to be more-and-more violent? We don't need to engage in the fight. We don't need to have our say. We can pray; for the right time and opportunity to speak peace; compelling words of wisdom in any age; in the meantime, acceptance for what we cannot change at present.

If we insist that no one can fight us, no one can fight us.

We can say with the peaceful strength of joy, no one can assail us as we assail nobody.

If we insist that ours is to be a joyful presence, our influence is peacefully pervasive.

We can aim to deliver a special kind of love to those who are full of hate;

... kindness of heart for vitriol of tongue;

... a steady mind with eyes of life for the angry heart bent on maiming;

... a poise of spirit resilient with Christ's hope for the devil's despair in a person bitter beyond redemption.

Now Listen Carefully-

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Author's Bio: 

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Divorce does not have to be your only option. Even if it feels as though your relationship can't be saved because of the ongoing conflicts between you and your spouse, it can be. There are techniques that you can begin using today that will not only stop a divorce, but will help also you build a stronger and more loving marriage.

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