My Husband Is Always Angry and Negative: My Husband Is Always Negative Towards Me

One could almost say that anger is contagious. If you ever have had the opportunity to observe a couple where one of the individuals has become angry and raised their voice, it's not long before you would have seen the other party involved raise their voice in an angry tone.

Becoming angry back is like a defense mechanism. Individuals handle anger at different levels, but when it happens between a man and a wife it is most common to see the wife's level of anger match or supersede the husband's, in the heat of the moment. Then something else that is just as ironic, is the man's anger often seems to subside much quicker than the wife's. Even after the shouting match has come to an end, the wife still feels angry inside along with a bunch of other pent up emotions.

This could very well be because the husband is the one with the anger management problem, and the wife's anger is retaliatory. Even though she can control her anger, she cannot control her husbands.

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So what are the solutions? One thing is for sure this type of scene day in and day out, which is not unusual when there is a anger management problem, is not healthy for any one. It becomes an even greater problem when there are children involved.

Step #1

The wife must take the lead here, and not allow her husband's action to turn her into the angry wife. It she allows it to go on, the marriage relationship could end up damaged beyond repair. This means the first step is to make the decision that the anger management problem must be addressed.

Step #2

The wife has to do some research and try and determine if there are triggers to the anger problem. Are the angry episodes only taking place within the home? Or do they occur at the husband's workplace, or social event, that either both or just he attends? This will allow her to identify if there is an underlying problem, that could be causing the anger to erupt, such as stress over something. If this is not the case, then there is an anger management issue that demands intervention.

Step #3

Putting the cards on the table is the first real action that needs to be taken once the wife has thought things through. Trying to discuss the anger management issue in the heat of moment is certainly not the right approach though. This is something that should be discussed at the right moment.

Ironically, many wives dread going into step three because they simply do not want to create an angry outburst. This is something that has to be done. No positive steps can be taken towards correcting the anger issues, until it is brought out into the open.

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What is an Apology? An apology is a genuine expression of regret or remorse for having said or done something that offended your partner.

Why Apologizing is Crucial to Your Relationship If you want greater intimacy in your relationship, offer a genuine apology when your partner has been offended by your words or deeds. If you do not apologize, your partner will feel betrayed, distrustful, or hold unspoken resentments.

Apologies Must Be Genuine to Be Effective When you apologize, your apology must be sincere and show caring for your partner. It is often too easy to say "I'm sorry" and not think about the consequences of your actions. Apologizing can also be difficult if you fear your partner will criticize or shame you for your behavior or if you are not accustomed to apologizing. You may even feel that your partner is making too much out of the incident and see no need to apologize. Asking why your partner why he or she is upset and discovering what the feelings are behind their hurt will go a long way in helping you repair the split in your relationship.

How to Apologize to your Partner

1. Describe what you did that was disturbing to your partner. It is preferable to speak to your partner in person, but you may also write an apology letter if face to face contact feels too difficult. "I'm sorry that I didn't call you when I was going to be late the other evening."

2. Acknowledge your partner's upset, show empathy and caring for his or her hurt. "I can see that this was upsetting for you and I want you to know that it wasn't my intention to hurt you."

3. Ask your partner questions about why he/she feels hurt, if you don't already know. "I think I understand why you got upset but would you tell me what your feelings are about my being late?"

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4. Explain your behavior and why you think it affected them negatively. "I got caught up in a meeting at work and thought it would be better if I just got home as soon as I could. I can see now that not calling upset you as you didn't know where I was and it caused you to be late for your class."

5. Take responsibility for upsetting your partner by acknowledging the behavior that hurt your partner. "I realize now that not calling was hurtful to you and didn't show you the kind of respect you deserve."

6. Tell your partner how you intend to behave in the future in order to ensure that you do not hurt her or him again. "I don't want you to feel that I don't value the things that you do and I intend to call you if I am going to be late in the future."

7. Check in with your partner to be sure that you fully understood his/her feelings and see if they need more from you to regain their trust. "Are you able to accept my apology or are there other feelings that you would like to share with me?"

8. Show your partner through your future actions that your behavior has changed.

Apologizing is not so much about accepting blame for doing something wrong as it is about understanding your partner's feelings, saying you are sorry that your actions hurt him or her, and then stating how you intend to do something different in the future. Making amends in this way will strengthen the bonds between you and help you create a caring and loving relationship.

Accepting an Apology In the previous article we looked at how to give an apology. But that is only half of the equation. There is also an art to accepting an apology. If you are feeling hurt or angry you may not be inclined to readily let go of your feelings and accept an apology. You might not trust that your partner's apology is sincere. When receiving an apology, asking questions and allowing yourself time to think about what your partner said will help heal your wounds. You will be able to forgive if you have thoroughly listened to your partner and understand what he or she said about their behavior.

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How to Accept an Apology:

1. Listen to your partner's explanation of their behavior.

2. Refrain from interrupting, blaming or being aggressive toward your partner.

3. Ask questions to help you understand what your partner is saying about their behavior and what their feelings are about the incident. "I can see now that your not coming home on time was not intended to hurt me. I reacted before I had an opportunity to check out with you exactly what was going on."

4. Use "I" statements to explain what your feelings are and why this is important to you. "It is important to me that you understand that I feel disrespected when you don't call me to let me know what is going on. I get worried about you and my anxiety turns to anger and frustration."

5. Calm yourself if you find that you are getting angry listening to your partner. If necessary you can request a time out to think about what your partner has said.

6. When you are ready, let your partner know that you accept and appreciate their apology. "Thank you for explaining to me what happened the other night and letting me know that you support my efforts to take a class. This makes me feel respected. I accept your apology and feel closer to you now."

If you are feeling hurt or angry you may not be inclined to accept an apology. You also might not trust that your partner's apology is sincere. Letting him or her know why you are upset and what it means to you will allow them to make an apology that is meaningful and addresses your hurt feelings.

Apologizing is an art that takes time and practice. One must learn to make a heartfelt apology and also to accept an apology with grace. Ultimately, showing your partner that you truly care about the relationship by learning to give and receive apologies will strengthen the bond between the two of you and create a happier and healthier relationship.

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Some people say if a relationship needs to be worked on, then it is not a right one. In some aspects, this may be true; but on the whole, for any relationship to survive and flourish, you have to put time and efforts into it.

Many men think that earning a living for the family is their fair share of contribution to their marriage, it is understandable if they don't do much of anything else, and their wives should know that. So when their wives get upset because they feel that their husbands take them for granted, or are not bothered enough to do things to please them, in other words, don't want to exert themselves to nurture their marriage; these men are baffled and don't understand where their wives get such an idea.

People keep saying that men are simple, they cannot read their wives' mind, if their wives want something from them, why don't they just come right out and say it? Of course, no one can read another's mind; however, they should know that it is tiring and does not feel nice for the women when they have to keep telling their husbands what to do to make them happy, to make their marriage a success; don't men feel that way when they are the ones who do the telling? And especially when the wives strive to please their husbands, and to nurture their marriage. It is natural for women to believe that when a man loves a woman, he would want to do things to make her happy, and in the process to help their marriage to flourish; because that is what a woman would do when she loves a man.

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Usually, it does not take much to make a woman happy. Women are romantic at heart; flowers or even just a rose, a box of their favorite candy (does not have to be big or expensive), an emotionally moving phrase, a beautiful or humorous card, a compliment, a hug and a kiss with loving words whispered in their ears, etc... can go, each by itself, a long way to make them happy.

Happiness is a moment in life. What kind of marriage do you think you have when you give each other many moments of happiness, more than moments of any negative feeling? Is it a happy marriage or a sad one? I believe you don't need any help to know the answer.

As long as both husband and wife remember that loving is making the other one happy, the result will be both of them ending up being happy and living a fulfilled married life.

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You have been married for quite some time now, in what you honestly believed was a happy marriage. Lately though you have been noticing signs your marriage might be over and it is very disturbing to you. You really don't know what to do - you still love your spouse just as much as you did when you first got married, so what went wrong, and how can you fix it?

The main thing is that you are observant and have noticed that there seems to be something that is causing unhappiness in your marriage. This together with the fact that you still love your spouse will make it a lot easier to fix things.

One very important thing that you MUST do as soon as possible is to talk to your spouse. Try to make it at a time when neither of you are too busy or too tired. Perhaps it would even be a good idea to go out and have a picnic somewhere - this way you will both be totally relaxed and more approachable.

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Tell your spouse that you have noticed signs your marriage might be over and that you really want to do something about it as soon as possible. Something has gone wrong over the years, and you would like for you and your spouse to figure out what the problems are so that you can fix them and get your marriage back on track again.

Your spouse will probably appreciate your concerns about the problems you might have in your marriage and will more than likely be just as willing as you to sort the problems out before they become impossible to fix. Because you and your spouse have decided to work together to fix the issues in your marriage, there is a good chance that it will bring you together.

Sometimes all it takes is a reality check like noticing signs your marriage might be over, to make you aware that you and your spouse need to communicate more to avoid trouble in your marriage.

Now Listen Carefully-

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Author's Bio: 

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Divorce does not have to be your only option. Even if it feels as though your relationship can't be saved because of the ongoing conflicts between you and your spouse, it can be. There are techniques that you can begin using today that will not only stop a divorce, but will help also you build a stronger and more loving marriage.

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