My Husband Is Always Busy With Work: My Husband Is Married To His Job

When your partner spends most of their waking hours engaged in work (either on the phone or computer) or in the office or plant, it can leave you feeling isolated and resentful. You may feel like the burden of the household and children has been placed on your shoulders when you thought the two of you were a team and would balance responsibilities together.

As a psychologist who has worked for 20 years counseling couples in my therapy practice in North St. Paul, MN, many times I see the wife who feels abandoned and the husband who is working too many hours.

This was the complaint that Amy had when she came in with her husband Josh. She was critical of him and focused on his behaviors that she wanted him to eliminate. She didn't like him attending evening meetings, taking cell-phone calls during dinner, or taking work related e-mails during family vacations. She further criticized him as a thoughtless husband and selfish father because he put his work first. She went on to compare him to her father who was "always" home in the evenings and "never shirked" his duties as a father.

You might well imagine that Josh became quite defensive in his response to Amy and even began to attack her abilities as a mother. He was mad at her and felt misunderstood and devalued. She was mad at him also feeling misunderstood and devalued. Their feelings and experience of the situation appeared to be the only thing they could agree on.

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Amy had a legitimate complaint but she wasn't getting her point across which ended up making things worse in the long run and leaving her in a continued state of loneliness and resentment. We met for an individual session and I coached her with the following questions:

1.What does Josh's absence mean to you?
2.What positive things do you miss about Josh when he is gone so much?
3.What are you longing for in terms of emotional, physical, intellectual, or spiritual connection with him?

In our discussion, she came to realize she was beginning to doubt herself in her own parenting skills. With a 3-year old and a 9-month old, she was feeling overworked and inadequate. She missed Josh's easy manner with their children which helped her enjoy the children even though she was feeling tired and overwhelmed. She said she was longing for the emotional connection they had always had in the past. She also missed his physical presence in sharing the physical work of caring for the 2 children. I assured her that most parents would begin to doubt themselves and their parenting with the responsibility of tending to 2 children, a household, and a 40-hour job which she had been doing. I assured her that her concerns were legitimate.

I suggested she talk to Josh again but this time talking to him about what she longs for and what she wants as opposed to what she doesn't like or doesn't want. I told her it's okay to complain about being overworked but not to criticize his abilities as a person or father. I also suggested she not triangle in her father, but to speak to Josh directly about her concerns. When the couple returned the next week, Amy said she had been able to explain her needs and situation to Josh in a positive manner. She felt he had heard her concerns and was much less defensive. They were beginning to talk about what responsibilities he could take off her shoulders. He said he was trying to figure out how he could manage his work schedule better. He reminded her that he wasn't sure he'd be able to make any changes at all. They exchanged a warm smile. They had not made any decisions about the problem but they had been able to talk about the problem. Amy was less critical and Josh could hear her concerns better.

See my related article (How to Talk to Your Spouse who says you Work Too Much) to see how Josh handled his side of the problem.

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Men are generally brought up with the knowledge that they have to stand strong, no matter what is thrown their way. So, even if they face a lot of challenges during the day, they feel the need to protect their families and provide for them. If they fail in doing this, they feel like they have failed.

Unfortunately, all of these expectations of men may put pressure on their marriages, as well. So, if you think that your husband has been going through far too much pressure lately and want to help nudge your marriage back on track, you might want to look into different text messages to help you out.

Believe it or not, sending your husband a text every day can really help at making him feel how much you love him. The best part is that you can do this anytime and anywhere during the day. Plus, you can express your emotions, let down all of your walls and just be open without having to worry about other people judging you.

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Texting can help nudge your marriage back on track because your husband will be able to look back at your sweet texts and reminisce about the memories that come with them. Texting can also build up the romance between you if you spend a lot of time apart. If your husband is at work most of the time, then his feelings for you are sure to grow with each text that you send him. Plus, it will make him look forward to seeing you at the end of the day.

The best part is that texting can nudge your marriage back on track without you spending a lot of money. Since the majority of network providers today provide free text messages to certain networks, you can actually send your husband as any text messages as you want without worrying about using up too much money in the process.

Not a lot of people pay attention to the technology of text messaging in terms of fixing their marriages. However, the truth is that it is a tool that can really help you nudge your marriage back on track with ease. You don't even have to log into a computer or look for a good Internet connection to get the job done; you can just whip out your phone and press a couple of buttons on the keyboard and you're good to go!

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It's almost impossible not to wonder why half of all American marriages end in divorce. Ever since the advent of the "no-fault" divorce laws in the early 1970s, this statistic has consistently risen. In the early days of the laws most people continued to go by the Biblical standards for divorce which were abandonment and infidelity. In recent years, however, the reasons aren't so clear-cut. People can divorce without any justifiable reasons except that they don't want to be married any more. However, if you asked these couples, here are the most common reasons given for wanting to dissolve their unions:

1. Infidelity still ranks high on the list of reasons for divorce. Whether this is because more people are cheating these days or because women no longer put up with this behavior in their men, the fact remains that few people want to contend with an unfaithful spouse.

2. A breakdown of communication can destroy a marriage in short order. Along with a lack of communication comes the fact that when the partners don't talk with each other, they lose contact with each other's lives. Suddenly, that closeness they had when they were newlyweds is gone, and day to day living has driven them farther and farther apart.

3. Physically-abusive behavior is another oft-cited reason for divorce. No one should have to put up with being battered. If there's no chance that the abusive spouse is going to change, there isn't much doubt as to what's going to happen to the marriage.

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4. Financial problems plague many marriages, especially during this time of recession, and they take a toll on the ability of the couple to get along harmoniously together. It takes a strong bond to continue to hold when there are constant arguments and stresses about money.

5. Emotional abuse can be just as bad as physical abuse or even worse. Emotional abuse happens when one spouse continually runs his or her partner down to the point where the abused spouse starts to feel worthless and like they deserve the kind of behavior their mate is giving them.

6. Addictions to various substances are often the cause of a break-up. Besides the financial drain that these behaviors can put on the family's income, abusive behavior often stems from being high on alcohol or drugs.

7. The failure of a spouse to live up to their partner's expectations ranks high in the list of reasons for divorce. When people first fall in love, it's easy to imagine better qualities in each other than can be lived up to. Disappointment as these initial feelings can cause a couple of split up.

Of course, there are other reasons for divorce, because every couple is unique, but those listed above appear to affect more couples than any others.

Couples can love one another and yet find themselves drifting apart and headed for a divorce. There are steps you can take, with or without the aid of your spouse to get your marriage back into the loving place it once was.

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In your marriage, does it ever seem that you and your wife or husband are constantly fighting? You must sometimes think about the spark that you had for one another during the beginning of your union. Do you speculate if your marriage could be approaching a divorce? This article will give some information you could take advantage of and a resource for the best approach to rescuing your marriage - beginning now.

The main thing you should know is that, since the dawn of time, many have survived extremely challenging seasons in their relationship, and you could too if you have the right knowledge.

The prospects are very likely that if your marriage is suffering, it is due to your battle with these widespread problems and just needs the appropriate information regarding:

*A smothering partner

* If a couple has a son or daughter, parenting issues can be a trouble among married couples. One parent might think that they are taking care of the child all by their self and the other parent isn't contributing at all.

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*Having insubstantial good time with eventful schedules.

*The manner in which most couples move onward is when one spouse makes a dedication to stay and work to keep the marriage. When this happens, the other partner will see this and also want to help the marriage last.

Therefore, no matter what, set an example for your marriage and become versed on methods used by many other troubled marriages to save them, and eventually you may be able to engage your spouse in your partnership once again.

It is crucial that you never give up if you really want your marriage to flourish. Most marriages have a possibility at becoming the kinship that you are dreaming of and it is almost always worth fighting for what you truly love.

Now Listen Carefully-

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Author's Bio: 

50% of people divorce. Do not be another statistic. You Can Save Your Marriage These powerful techniques will allow you to trust again and ignite the fire and passion back into your relationship. Save Your marriage today! Click Here

Divorce does not have to be your only option. Even if it feels as though your relationship can't be saved because of the ongoing conflicts between you and your spouse, it can be. There are techniques that you can begin using today that will not only stop a divorce, but will help also you build a stronger and more loving marriage.

Do you have a unique situation? Discuss your marriage problems on our forum. We can help you find a great loving relationship! Go to: RelationshipTalkForum.com