My Husband Is An Unhappy Person: My Husband Is Unhappy With Everything

All of us have ups and downs, or days when we might be in a bad mood, but generally we snap out of it quickly. You might realize you've been difficult to live with, and apologize to your mate for being grumpy lately. It can be a real challenge, however, to live with someone who is unhappy on a chronic basis.

When you get married, it's commonly with the hope that you will both remain happy with each other and the relationship, as well as optimistic about your future together. Along the way, as time passes, outside conflicts can put pressure on the individuals and maybe your spouse becomes deeply unhappy about specific things or their life in general.

Perhaps your partner loses their job and the period of unemployment stretches, or they don't get a longed-for promotion, award or other recognition for their efforts at work or in the community. They may feel dissatisfied with what they have achieved at this stage in life, feeling they should have done more and gotten further ahead.

If you suspect your mate is severely depressed, be sure that they get a medical evaluation. You can offer to take your spouse to the doctor, but if they continually refuse to get help, don't take on the burden of making that decision for them. However, if your unhappy spouse worsens and you worry they may be suicidal, do contact your local suicide hotline for advice on how to handle the situation.

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You do not have to remain the hapless victim of your partner's moods, but it can be a tightrope walk at times, and many people flounder, unsure what to do.

Here are five techniques to help you make life smoother and simpler for yourself.

1. Do not add to your mate's unhappiness by scolding, nagging or coaxing. Avoid taking on the role of a parent to your spouse as if you must guide them through life. That's not your role. You are the equal partner, with your own life to lead. The more you get caught up in telling them what they should do, the more you allow them to remain stuck in their misery and unaccountable.

2. Instead, detach emotionally from their moods and behavior. Don't take it personally if they try to blame you. If there is something you did that does affect them, then be accountable yourself, apologize and make amends. But don't fall into the trap of becoming their whipping boy (or girl) so they can avoid taking responsibility for their own feelings.

3. Watch out for the tendency to feel guilty that you are a happy person and you enjoy your life. Although it can feel awkward to smile and laugh around someone glum, persist in holding onto your own feelings and understand that you do not have to apologize for not sharing their mood. At first you may feel a tightness in the back of your neck because you are braced for them to say something sarcastic to you such as, "How can you smile when I'm upset!" Simply reply that you are having a good day, you are sorry they are not, and then refuse to accept their blame and shame.

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4. Do not mirror their sadness, depression or upset by becoming so empathetic that you take on their feelings and transfer them to your own life. This is tied in with #3, but it takes the guilt further by incorporating their unhappiness and letting it wash over your own good feelings like a tsunami. You have the right to a boundary that marks where you begin and their interaction with you ends. Don't let the other person rule you to such a degree that you do not even call your emotions your own.

5. Make plans for yourself to get out of the house and do fun things, even if your spouse refuses to participate. Realize they have become addicted to unhappiness, and just as any other addiction (such as to gambling, alcohol, drugs, etc.) they cannot see the damage they are doing to the relationship. If you want to avoid going into the dark abyss with them, you have to take healthy actions to bring satisfaction and fulfillment into your own life. But please avoid the drama and the snippy desire to punish them by yelling that you are going out to have some fun for a change and then slamming the door as you leave. That childish behavior might feel good for a moment, but it does nothing but damage to the relationship. Instead, politely state that you are going to the mall, for example, or to a movie. Invite them to join you. If appropriate, make this announcement several hours or days in advance so that it is not an unfair deadline. If they start grousing about not wanting to go, smile and say that you are going and will be back at such-and-such time. And then do it. Keep the promises that you make. You will create a happy life for yourself, even if you feel upset at first.

Take charge of your own actions and thoughts, and you will feel more contented with you life, even if you continue to live with someone who is unhappy.

If it becomes clear to you that they have no intention of addressing their problems and doing something about it, you may reach a point where you decide it is not in your best interest to remain with such an unhappy person.

But for now, see how it goes if you start behaving differently while they are in a temporary slump. Make a decision to be happy no matter what.

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One of the main reasons for relationship break-up is due to poor communication skills. We think because we are forming words and talking that we are getting our meaning across to the other person. But this is hardly the case. So many things go into communication, such as tone of voice, intonation, body language and of course the choice of words we use. In this article we are going to introduce a simple first step for you to get past the words that someone uses and learn how to interpret what people are really saying. By working on your ability to hear what other people say in ways that are more enjoyable and more accurate you can begin to produce more of results that you want in your Relationship!

Does that sound like something you'd like?

Behind all the words used, it simply boils down to whether someone is saying "I need something" or "I am grateful for something." It takes a little practice but if you focus on the intention behind the words, and not the words themselves you would be surprised how quickly you can use your detective skills and come up with the other person's true meaning. And if you approach it like a little mystery game, you will find that you are rarely triggered by the words used, or the body language stance taken.

Let's Practice! Hearing "I need" or "I am grateful"

Sometimes it's easy to tell which is which: "Would you stop at the store on the way home?" A clear statement of "I need." or "That was wonderful meal!" Is a simple announcement of "I'm grateful."

But the mystery work comes in when mixed with the words used we hear someone blaming, criticizing, or excuse making, using statements like:

* "Jerk where did you learn to drive!"

* "Why are you spending time on that, it's just a waste?"

* "You never keep your promises!"

* "It's not my fault that ..."

* "I forgot to ..."

All of the above statements really cover an underlying need on the part of the speaker. A statement such as "You never keep your promises," could possibly hide a need for trust in relationships.

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The sad thing is, it seems the more important, urgent, or critical the need is, the more likely people will express it with words of blame and judgment. These words often are triggers for the listener. The result is a communication breakdown and a step toward relationship break up.

Most reality TV shows are a great place to watch this in action and to practice identifying which times people are saying "I need" and which times they are saying "I'm grateful." Whether you use a reality TV show, or your personal relationships for practice, notice how the more hurt and more angry a person is, the more likely they are to express "I need" in the form of blame, criticism, judgment, excuses, etc. Kind of sad isn't it?

Saving Your Relationships ONE NEED at a time

If you can keep yourself in a mode of curiosity about what a person is really trying to communicate, then chances are conversations will become more enjoyable, more accurate, and produce results that both participants want.

The big thing to remember is that any form of blame, criticism, judgment, or excuse is the other person expressing a need. And that the more hurt or angry a person sounds the more desperate they are for help, and scared that the need won't be met.

If you're able to hear a person desperately wanting help with their need, you will be much less likely not to be hurt by the words used and much more likely to find the compassion to hear their need and to offer help.

You might even find that understanding another person's underlying need is a gift that will bring you great joy. And in the course of all that joy you are giving, you will have saved your relationship merely by hearing "I need" and "I'm grateful!"

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Marriage therapy is something that you should seriously consider when there are serious problems in your marriage. Problems can arise at any time in every marriage. Unfortunately, many couples make a mistake of not solving the problems early. They wait and instead of going away, those problems become serious. Husband and wife do not want to communicate to each other. They talk only in the form of heated arguments. Without proper handling, this situation will lead to a divorce. Therefore, if you are facing a similar situation, you need to start solving the problems immediately. A good strategy to achieve this is by attending marriage therapy sessions.

Marriage therapy

Marriage therapy is intended to help couples resolve conflicts as well as improve their relationship situation. A counselor or therapist will guide the couples along the process. He or she will provide tools and strategies for couples to settle their differences and reach common understanding. In this case, couples should attend several sessions together with a license marriage therapist. The first target of these sessions is to rebuild communication between couples. Afterwards, the sessions will uncover hidden problems and provide advice to start solving those problems. The length of the sessions sometimes cannot be determined in advance because it depends on the severity of the problems.

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If you are looking for a marriage therapist, there are many out there. Couples have to determine the one whom they are willing to work with. It is necessary for both couples to attend the marriage therapy sessions. In some cases though, separate sessions might be needed to resolve the problems. However, if only one couples who is willing to attend these sessions, this is not a good sign. Both couples should be committed in the process otherwise it will not be successful.

Why marriage therapy

In a relationship, each couple has different backgrounds and different ways of thinking. These differences complemented each other when the couples were still dating. In a marriage, however, these differences can cause serious problems that can ruin the marriage. In this case, the function of marriage therapy sessions is to create communication between couples to solve problems. More importantly, these sessions can find the real cause of the conflicts in the marriage. Normally infidelity, substance abuse, depression, violence, and financial issues will come to surface after couples attending several sessions. These real problems are the ones that need to be solved in order to save the marriage.

The function of a therapist to find the real issues is very important. He or she will serve as a third party who will observe the situation without any bias. Furthermore, the therapist will provide essential advice to resolve conflicts and prevent the same situation happen again in the future. There are many success stories related with marriage therapy sessions and you should give it a try if you want to save your marriage.

Couples can love one another and yet find themselves drifting apart and headed for a divorce. There are steps you can take, with or without the aid of your spouse to get your marriage back into the loving place it once was.

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Divorce does not have to be your only option. Even if it feels as though your relationship can't be saved because of the ongoing conflicts between you and your spouse, it can be. There are techniques that you can begin using today that will not only stop a divorce, but will help also you build a stronger and more loving marriage.

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