My Husband Is Condescending: Why Does My Husband Talk Down To Me

Mathematical formulas about behavior can never be precise, but they can be a useful guide as you work through the confusion inherent in conflicting emotions. This is especially true in relationships that have suffered chronic resentment or anger and betrayal of any kind, including emotional abuse, verbal abuse, and infidelity. Recovery from these kinds of hardships often follows a roller coaster ride of enhanced hope collapsing into jagged despair.

The Recovery Formula can lessen the roller coaster ride by providing a longer-term view of the process and by highlighting areas for repair work.

Two pairs of factors, drastically opposed to each other, determine the success or failure of the recovery process. The first is value (how much you value your relationship with your partner) and compassion - your ability to see your partner as a human being who has made mistakes but is motivated to repair them and not repeat them. With low compassion, you are more likely to see your partner as selfish, untrustworthy, or evil, which makes recovery impossible.

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The opposing pair of factors are resentment - which carries an impulse to retaliate - and ego, which includes a sense of superiority. Pursuit of either will cause you to violate your deepest values and make recovery impossible.

The Recovery Formula is: Value times Compassion, divided by Resentment times Ego.

Value ( ) x Compassion ( )

________________________________

Resentment ( ) x Ego ( )

To discover your Recovery score, take the:

o Marriage Help: Value Test and record your score within the value parenthesis above

o Compassion Test and record your score within the value parenthesis above

o Resentment Test and record your score within the value parenthesis above

o Marriage Problems: Ego Test and record your score within the value parenthesis above.

Multiply the top (Value and Compassion) scores.

Multiply the bottom (Resentment and Ego) scores.

Divide the two.

The higher the remainder of the division, the better your chance of sustaining recovery.

The secret to improving your Recovery score is to work on building your core value and capacity for compassion, which will decrease the need for resentment and a large ego to protect you.

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We all know couples with marital problems. You are probably even one of them since you're reading this. We all like quick solutions and you probably want to save your marriage today. Well it rarely works that way but with the right help you can save your marriage.

We all know marriages are meant to last a life time but due to circumstances and problems many times they only last a few years. One of the problems when your marriage hits a crisis is that it's easy to become stuck and not know where to start to save your relationship. If you are searching for help to save your marriage, let me assure you, you are doing the right thing.

Very few people enter into marriage with the intention of breaking up. But that's where you have found yourself and you're wondering what it will take to save your relationship.

Here are some helpful tips to help you prevent your marriage from completely falling apart.

1. Get rid of distractions.
Are distractions keeping you from spending quality time with your spouse? Though it shouldn't be, it's surprising how many problems in a relationship are due to that partners spend more time watching TV or..., than talking or doing things together. If this is true for you, then get rid of the distractions that stop you from spending quality time with your spouse (such as television, phone, and personal computer).

2. Learn to express your love.
This is often a bigger problem for the guys then the gals but our spouses need to see/hear us express our love. Try sending your partner a love letter and see what their reaction is. You can do this by sneaking a letter into their lunch, suitcase or just placing it where they will easily find it. We all love it. There is something truly romantic about a surprise love letter.

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3. Spend quality time together.
Though this may sound the same as number one it is different. Saving your marriage means spending time away from the everyday and putting special effort into repairing the damage that has already been done to your relationship. This quality time together often means getting away to rekindle the spark of romance that may have disappeared because of the demands of everyday life.

4. Start dating your spouse again.
That's right you need to date your spouse. When was the last time you took your spouse out on a date? If it takes more than 30 seconds to answer then it's been too long. Married couples tend to stop dating because they don't think they need to any more. If you want to save your marriage then you need to change your mind and ways about that one. Go out for dinner regularly, spend a weekend away and put the energy back in your relationship. By bringing back that loving feeling you are sure to take a huge step in saving your marriage. Remember the love you had before you got married. That's the love you need to feel again. And that's what dating your spouse again will do for your marriage. Every other week would be a great start.

5. Marriage requires you to communicate.
You need to make time to just sit there and talk to your partner. You need to be able to express what you want to do, your feelings about things or just about what's happening in each of your lives. You also need to let your partner tell you how things are going and what they are feeling. You need to take a genuine interest in each other and what each other is doing and feeling.

6. You also need to work on improving yourself.
Self esteem not only benefits yourself but reflects on how you see your spouse and they see you. Maybe you need a boost in your confidence. When you learn something new especially if it's challenging, you will get that and more. Maybe you need to feel better about yourself when you look in a mirror. Try buying some new clothes, going to the gym and losing some weight or a new hair style. If you feel better about yourself so will your spouse. With the new improved you your spouse will fall in love with you all over again.

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If you are in a really fragile situation whereby you and your partner are teetering on the brink of a marriage breakup, and you cannot seem to do or say anything without making the situation worse, then you need marriage help quickly. Quite often, when faced with this situation, some couples will call time on their marriage, without really trying to sort through their problems. However I guess the fact that you are reading this article means that you don' t want to quit on your marriage and really want to fight to save it. If this is the case then there are some steps that you can put into action today that will start to get your marriage back on the right track.

Keep communication channels open
When faced with a marriage crisis, it is really important to keep all communication going between you and your spouse. It is all too easy when faced with this situation for communication to dry up. Once this happens it becomes increasingly difficult, although not impossible, to save your marriage. When talking, sit down with your partner and speak about your feelings with each other. Learn to listen, take what they are telling you on board and try to put yourself into their shoes, however hard this may be. It is very easy to become angry with your partner when facing a marriage breakup. So if you are feeling angry, then you have to put it to the back of your mind and try to remain calm in front of your partner. Trying to communicate when you are angry will not only result in you not being able to think clearly, but will also most probably succeed in driving your partner even further away. If you feel yourself getting angry during communication, then walk away for 5 minutes, until you have calmed down.

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Take positive action immediately
When you have learned to communicate effectively, then the next step is to take action on what they have told you. It is important to have a positive attitude, and be receptive to change. In order to fix your marriage something has got to change. So if this is the case, then it might as well come from you. This is no time to be stubborn and pig-headed. If you can put things right from your end, then it will not only send a message to your partner that you are deadly serious about saving your marriage, but it might even spur your partner on into taking action and changing their ways also

Set Small daily goals
Your marriage breakdown isn' t something that happened overnight, and it may well have happened over a number of years. Therefore it isn' t going to be fixed completely overnight. So In order for you both to move forward in your relationship, you need to set daily goals. It may well be something as simple as having a family meal together, or something more complex like trying to resolve a root cause of a problem. Whatever it is, by setting yourselves small achievable daily goals, you will feel that you are moving forward together as a couple towards one common goal, and also it will not seem like such a mountain to climb.

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What are some signs that you spouse might be stepping out on your marriage? How do you recognize the signs of an affair? How do I know if my husband is cheating?

Most of us never think that it could happen to us. We choose to believe that our husbands are always going to be faithful throughout the entire length of our marriage. However, that is not always the case. If you find yourself asking is my husband cheating, then be sure to consult the following signs. If you see a pattern in these tips regarding your husband, he may be straying.

Has Condoms Handy

If you are on the pill, but your husband keeps a supply of condoms, that could be a warning sign of a husband cheating on you.

Keeps His Car Clear

If the two of you have children, but he insists that there are no toys or car seats in his car, this could be a warning sign. He wouldn't want to pick up a girl with signs of his other life and family in the backseat so he makes you keep everything for the kids in your car.

Unexplained Scratches

When he gets out of the shower or in bed and you notice bruises or scratches on his neck or back, take this as a warning sign. Husbands who cheat will normally have marks which you have never seen. While there may be a legitimate excuse for the bruises, keep you guard up if you suspect an affair.

What do I really need to do to make my spouse love me again? Is it possible to build massive attraction in my spouse?

To learn the killer, advanced strategies to save your marriage, simply click here!

His Love Making Habits Change

When some husbands cheat, they withdraw in the bedroom from their wife. On the other hand, others all of a sudden want to try new positions. If your husband suddenly changes and wants to try new techniques and moves, it could be the sign of an affair.

His Pay Doesn't Match up to the Hours

If your husband is putting in a lot of time at work, but his paycheck is not reflecting this trend, then it could be a sign that he is doing something else with his time. This can be especially true if he has never had to work late before.

Check the Checking Account

If you checking account seems to be lower than it normally is, your husband may be spending money on a new love. It takes money to wine and dine someone new, and your bank account may be suffering from it. Look for suspicious receipts from stores or restaurants that may be on the other side of town or those that you normally go to.

Computer Time

If your husband is spending too much time online, especially after you go to bed, then this is a bad sign. In addition, if your spouse is hiding behind computer passwords or clears his internet history, this is also a sign of a possible affair. Other men will choose to move the computer where you can't easily see the screen. Still others will be frantic to get on another screen when you walk into the room. All of these are signs of a possible affair.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

Author's Bio: 

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