My Husband Is Emotionally Abusive: How To Stop Emotional Abuse In Marriage

What you'll commonly hear from experts and abuse victims alike is that the only way to stop abuse is to leave your abuser. However, that prescription is usually given out freely with little follow-up as to whether the relationship could have been salvaged, whether the victim wanted to stay and makes things work, whether the abuser wanted to try to change, or whether the victim was emotionally ready to handle a life on her own.

All of these factors make it hard to just say: leave and move on. There are many others ways of handling an abuse situation, and thus there are many ways to stop emotional abuse.

With our emotionally abused clients, we always say that there are two options: fight the abuse and demand change, or leave the abuser and start a new abuse-free life. Either option has many levels of emotional health and steps that you need to take to maintain the most important thing: your safety.

Let's look at leaving vs. staying and the choices you can make.

Many times, leaving is almost impossible to think of. Confusion may paralyze you because you may feel that you can understand where your abuser is coming from, even if you don't accept his reaction to his personal pain. You might suspect that he's been left before by parents or women, and fear wounding him deeper by asking to leave.

You wouldn't be the only one, if this is what you're thinking. Fear of having no where to go, or hoping that this is just "the only way my husband knows how to show his love" can make you want to stay as long as you can bear it.

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We recognize and respect your fears and hopes, but you will need to gradually realize that sometimes leaving is what you need to do in order to preserve your emotional health. Now, leaving doesn't have to be permanent - it simply needs to send the strong message that you cannot, and will not, allow abuse to be a part of your marriage. It is up to you to decide whether your husband has listened, and how long you need to stay apart.

There are signs you can identify for knowing whether leaving is the best thing for your emotional health. You can see these signs by asking yourself some simple questions. Answering yes to a majority of them most likely indicates that you need a break from the toxicity of the marriage:

* Do you doubt your own memory or sense of reality because of your partner?

* Do you doubt your own judgment about what's best for you?

* Do you often feel unsafe, as if harm could come to you at any moment?

* Do you feel that you can't do anything or go anywhere without their permission?

* Do you feel depressed, dejected or like there is no point in being alive?

* Does your partner hurt you physically?

And the most important question: Do you feel afraid of your partner?

If you answered yes to many of these, especially the last one, you probably need to leave your partner for the time being. Leaving your partner for the time you set down will give you the chance to discover how deeply you are wounded, what it will take to heal, and whether it's even worth the emotional challenge of staying in the marriage.

Where can you go? When you take a break from your home and abuser, you can seek the shelter of friends and family (especially if you've been isolated from them), and they will be able to give you feedback about who you are and how loved you are, instead of abusive feedback about your "mistakes." This would also be a good time to reconnect with what you're capable of and what you can do with your life, today on.

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Leaving sends your abuser a signal of zero-tolerance. The responsibility to change then rests on your partner - the ball is in his court. Will he change? Is being in a relationship with you more important than abusing you? Or will he ignore the signal and refuse to change, signalling to you that it's time to find a new life that doesn't include him?

Now we can also look at what might prompt a decision to stay, which is equally doable and fully supported by us, provided it's safe to do so. If you decide that there's a chance your abuser can change, and that it's worth sticking things out to see where they go, it is important to keep plans in place. Always remember that the priority when staying in an emotionally abusive relationship is protecting your safety and that of your children.

When we say safety, we mean both your physical and emotional safety. Make sure you have parents, friends, or other trusted people close by. Don't isolate yourself any longer, and do what you have to to make sure that you keep connected with them. It is extremely important that you remember that staying does not in any way mean keeping your abuse a secret. If you want to stay and work things out, you should definitely not try to do it on your own. You need support, back up, and a plan B for this mission. You may not feel comfortable telling someone your entire story, but your security relies on other people at least knowing that there is an issue in your relationship that you are staying to solve, and that you them to be there for you.

This brings us to one last important thing. If you stay in the emotionally abusive relationship, the worst possible thing you can do for yourself is just pretend that it will go away eventually. Staying in the marriage is a right decision only if you feel you're determined to actively work hard, and strive for change and health. You must always remember to send a firm message that abuse is not okay if you want anything to ever change.

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Who says maintaining a marriage is easy? It takes so much effort between the couple to hurdle all the challenges that go with a married life. Imagine two different people with different personalities live together and face life as one. To maintain the harmony in your relationship, be patient and be humorous - both are very important tips from a marriage counseling therapy.

Patience

Communication is a very powerful tool to express your sentiments, your frustrations, your dreams and goals with your partner. If the line of communication between the two of you is constantly open, then you lessen the possibility of separation. This is because you do not lose the connection with your spouse. You may argue, but at least you're communicating.

Now, how to enhance your communication so as to lessen your disputes is another story, according to a marriage counseling session. Remember to practice patience at all times. You can never settle your issues if you keep on shouting with one another or you keep on blaming one another with your marital issues. Be calm with one another and explain yourselves in a loving and gentle manner. Your spouse can clearly think and understand your points once you start communicating with gentleness.

Remember also that when your spouse is fuming mad, try to be patient and avoid getting emotional too. If both of you are in a state of anger, you'll finish the day without resolving any issues or disputes.

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Inject humor

When communicating, be patient and be humorous as well - an advice you can get from a marriage counseling therapy. It is not an easy task, but practice makes perfect. It would take a lot of time and patience also in order to realize that state when either of you or even both of you can find humor in your daily grinds as a married couple.

Laugh together in mundane and serious stuff. Take it easy and look at things in a lighter weight. It is so much easier to relay your point when you know that your spouse is in a good and humorous mood. You ease the tension and create a positive wave between you and your spouse. Be careful though not to exaggerate it, meaning you create a laughing stock out of the situation. Know the boundaries of humor - make it light and funny without getting to the point of mockery.

If your partner is sensitive, be very careful because you might even add fuel to the fire. Your partner might take it as an insult when you're trying to inject some humor in the situation. It could be construed as avoiding the real issue. Marriage counseling is going to require you to be very sensitive to the personality of your partner.

Open communication must be maintained between couples at all times. It's the tool that will save your marriage from falling because you can talk about the issues. When communicating, remember to be very patient, particularly during arguments. Add humor too when communicating to make it fun and free from any tension. You will get this advice from a marriage counseling therapy.

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I am very familiar with the aches and pains associated with seeing your marriage fall apart before you. The same marriage that used to be the best thing that ever happened to you is now becoming one of the worst experiences you have faced. It is indeed the worst thing that has ever happened to me. This need not have to be the case and I will show you how I got my marriage back on track.

When my husband sat down with me and said that he wanted to get a divorce I really could not believe it. I talked with him for hours and hours and the more I talked with him, the more I realized that he was indeed serious about getting a divorce. I grew more and more desperate as time passed and I eventually found myself crying and apologizing to him; even begging him to change his mind. It did nothing but made him more fed up with me.

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I was very fortunate to find out how to save my marriage. Not only have I saved it, I was able to make it even more enjoyable than it was in the beginning!

I have no magic formula to share with you, but rather some psychological rules that I applied. The rule that I want to tell you about is that: people always want to get the things that they cannot have. It is no big surprise if this is currently working against you. It happened to me as well. If both you and your spouse wanted to get back together, you would jump on that opportunity in a snap.

That is why you have to stop the begging and crying routine at all costs. It only makes you appear unattractive and easy to have. Stop all of this immediately and show that you have the potential to be independent and you will appear to be harder to get. This will make a huge impact on your relationship the same way it did on mine.

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Authors have written hundreds of books on marriage, marital conflict resolution, and divorce, so if you're ever in need of advice, it's hard to know where to begin deciding which book is going to give you the answers you are searching for. No one wants to buy dozens of books, trying them one after another, in an attempt to find one that makes sense. You're not going to want to follow the advice of a lot of authors who don't really even know what they're talking about. You want the best and most accurate information you can find, but you just don't know how to narrow down your choices to the right one. Here's another way that an online marriage expert can give you the guidance you need.

You can try researching marriage books online, but there you are susceptible to biased opinions that try to guide you to books they want to sell you. You'll also find that everyone who wants to sell you a book labels themselves as some type of doctor or expert, which may or may not be true. If you want authentic, helpful reading materials on marriage, then your best bet is to ask a marriage coach who has a wide knowledge of the literature in the field and who will be able to recommend reliable books that will address your concerns. Of course, the coach himself will be able to provide you with a plethora of information, and there's nothing like getting the info you need right from the horse's mouth!

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Some of the books that customers on Amazon have found most helpful include:

1."This Momentary Marriage: A Parable of Permanance" by John Piper.
2."What Did you Expect? Redeeming the Realities of Marriage" by Paul David Tripp
3."When Sinners Say 'I Do': Discovering the Power of the Gospel for Marriage by Dave Harvey
4."Each for the Other: Marriage as It's Meant to Be" by Bryan Chapell
5."Sacred Marriage" by Gary Thomas

The choice is certainly yours, but if you'd like some guidance finding the materials that will be relevant to your life and concerns, it's a good idea to visit with a marriage coach. You can even find coaches who are willing to give you a half-hour session for free so that you can judge his capabilities for yourself.

Now Listen Carefully-

Take 2 minutes to visit the next page and you'll discover a stunning trick which will make your spouse love you for the rest of their lives even if they are this close to walking out the door. Yes, you can indeed save your marriage no matter how hopeless the situation seems. Take the right step now and live to enjoy a blissful marriage. I strongly urge you to visit the next page- Click Here

Author's Bio: 

50% of people divorce. Do not be another statistic. You Can Save Your Marriage These powerful techniques will allow you to trust again and ignite the fire and passion back into your relationship. Save Your marriage today! Click Here

Divorce does not have to be your only option. Even if it feels as though your relationship can't be saved because of the ongoing conflicts between you and your spouse, it can be. There are techniques that you can begin using today that will not only stop a divorce, but will help also you build a stronger and more loving marriage.

Do you have a unique situation? Discuss your marriage problems on our forum. We can help you find a great loving relationship! Go to: RelationshipTalkForum.com