My Husband Is Not A Good Provider: Husband Not Providing Financially As He's Suppose

Money is a funny thing. Too much of it can present problems and too little of it also brings difficulties. This is no different in a marriage. Year after year, I have found that money problems potentially wreck marriages. Thus it is vital for couples to have the same views on money and how to use it. To do this, you must understand how our attitudes about money are formed in the first place.

How Attitudes about Money are Developed

Almost everyone's attitude on money develops from his or her upbringing and education. A miserly and stingy man may be so because he comes from a poor home and grew up in financial scarcity. A woman from a rich background may be spendthrift and wasteful because she grew up in affluence. Generally for all of us, our earliest education about money comes from our parents or guardians. Thus our parents' (or guardians') values and views on money inevitably influence our own thinking to a certain extent. As we grow older our views on money develop further through personal experiences and through education we receive from school, friends, religious or moral education. How do two persons' views of money create problems?

Potential Money Problems

The problem arises when two people coming from extremely different backgrounds and thinking about money fall in love and marry each other. Now money becomes a potential point of contention between them. This contention can stem from myriad issues. An example is the issue of importance. One partner may see something as important enough to spend money on while the other does not. Another example is the issue of quantum. One partner thinks that up to a certain amount is enough to spend on something but the other partner thinks otherwise. Yet another example is the issue of need. One partner thinks that there is a need to spend on such-and-such a thing but the other partner disagrees. Another example can be the issue of fairness. One partner uses the money freely for himself and in doing so denies the other partner of the same because all the money is already used up. Have you and your partner ever experienced any of these?

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Two Marriage-Saving Money Practices

Any of the above contentions about money can potentially result in a full-blown argument between any couple and potentially damage a marriage. So what can be done about it? I wish to suggest two practices to adopt.

The first is the practice of empathy which results in compromise. By this I mean putting yourself into the shoes of your partner. This includes understanding your partner's upbringing and early education about money. When you truly understand where your partner is coming from you can adjust your own views and philosophy about money to better suit your partner's. This inevitably calls for compromise on both partners. Once you are married to your spouse, to a large extent you are responsible for his or her happiness. So if it makes your spouse happy for you to compromise in a certain way with regards to money, you should to it. If it means spending less for yourself and more for her, do it. If it means foregoing your purchase of a new plasma TV for her sake, do it. In return, your spouse should make similar compromises on her part. Now for the second practice.

The second practice is open communication which leads to accountability. Once you are married, the two of you have become one and your money becomes your spouse's and your spouse's money becomes yours. Whether you have a joint checking account or not is not important. What is important is having an open communication between the two of you as to how you spend your money. Give each other the permission to ask one another anytime about how money was spent. This does not necessarily mean you have to scrutinize one another's income and expenditure every week. It just means that you agree that each of you is accountable to the other in spending habits. Finally, a word of caution.

Don't become defensive or feel threatened when questioned by your spouse about your spending. If you are practicing empathy, understanding and compromise as stated above, then there is no need to become defensive or feel threatened because you know you have the understanding and best intentions of your spouse towards you. This open communication and accountability also means that your spouse can ask you for finances anytime and you should be willing to help out. Remember your money is hers and hers is yours. In order to prevent or at least reduce money problems in future, I would like to suggest one last practical thing to do.

One More Practice

Put aside a mutually agreed-upon fixed amount every month for savings or for each spouse's own expenses. As long both partners are happy with this amount, give each other the liberty to spend within that amount for personal expenses. Do not complain or criticize your spouse for buying his high-end plasma TV from the amount he has set aside all these months. While you are both accountable to one another for how you spend your money yet there has to be a certain degree of flexibility in allowing each other to enjoy the frills that money can buy. Remember you are both responsible for each other's happiness.

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Maybe you cannot resist the allure of credit cards, and maybe that is why your marriage is being ruined by debt. Maybe arguing about money is becoming the norm in your home and suddenly the word "bankruptcy" sounds better and better daily.

If these "maybes" describe your marriage, then maybe it is time that your husband / wife and you sit down resolve your money problems. This article will reveal 3 ways in which you two can achieve this. Read on...

Method Number One - Place Yourselves on a Personal Spending Allowance...

While the old method of stuffing money in ten different envelopes might work and while that idea may actually be amazing, if you desire to resolve money issues in your marriage, you may need to do more - much more.

The reason for this is due to the fact that those little "extras" you or your husband / wife spend separately from each other is what is responsible for the money problems you are experiencing.

So you really need to sit down with your spouse and agree upon a sort of spending allowance which you would place each other on. Whether it is going to be equal or not is entirely up to you.

Once you have agreed on that you need to make an exhaustive list containing what your spending allowance covers...

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Method Number Two - What Does That Spending Allowance Cover?

Accountability begins with a system to ensure some sort of "checking and balancing". And if you will succeed at this, then you will need to ensure that your allowance is earmarked for exact, pre-agreed upon items.

Suggestions include cosmetics, hair care, activities with friends, all clothing, any eating (without your spouse or partner), gifts, entertainment, and so on.

Your allowance gives you the right to do as you please without supervision, as long as what you are spending on is on your list. You really do not even need to consult with your husband or wife prior to spending your allowance on anything on your list.

Method Number Three - Make Your Withdrawals Weekly

Make sure that your allowance (both yours and that of your spouse) actually reflects your yearly income. Make it a percentage of your basic salary or basic income per annum.

For example, if you and your partner earn 50,000 dollars, you may decide to make 0.1 percent of that (or 50 dollars) a workable weekly spending allowance per person.

What that means is that each of you would have up to 200 dollars per month to do with as you please and remember that this money would be spent on things which you do not need to stay alive - things which in essence you can live without.

Remember this; you will get a reduced amount if your combined yearly income drops.

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Findings have good proofs that offspring of divorced parents are more likely to divorce themselves, sooner or later in their married life experience. Divorce possibility doubles if victims of the same circumstances (divorced parents) marry themselves. So, you may need help to save your marriage if your parents or your spouse's parents were broken up, because history often repeats itself, so why not save your marriage?

Do you wish to save your marriage now? If you desire to, you have to also understand that there are signs of divorce, not determining elements for marriage survival. If you suffer more antagonizing factors in your marriage, it could mean you would need to employ the advice or service of a marriage counsellor or expert to analyse the problems in your marriage so as to be able to arrest the emerging threats of marriage divorce in your marriage.

If you want to help save your marriage you must know that marriages either grow or crumble, they don't remain passive, meaning that a secure marriage is not one where things are always the same. A strong, solid marriage is a marriage where one never stops trying to make things better. If you would need help to save or rescue your marriage from falling apart, you have to create a list of some possibility indicators of divorce. Do you intend to save your marriage now? acknowledge the reason(s) why your marriage got to this breaking point, then you only need to exhibit the attitudes with which you can advance to greater destruction or those which will encourage you to rescue your marriage. Below are some possibility divorce indicators:

Early marriage: if you married under twenty two years of age, research findings show that marrying earlier than age twenty, may expose your practical immaturity which is likely the most dreaded dominant deadly and regular separating feature against young marriage successful continuity.

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If you haven't been married long: research findings also show that the longer you have married, the more likely you are to stay married, and your first early three years in marriage are the most perilous, but so many marriage break up take place between the seventh and eighth year in marriage.

If you were already a couple before marriage: as victims of living together as husband and wife prior to your marriage, you will certainly need help to rescue your marriage from falling apart, because, pre-marital practices propel the chances of divorce. For you to have a decent marriage, avoid a very long engagement, get married soon, and then move in together.

Happenings around the globe have shown that partners that have not born any child as they lived together before marriage develop slightly higher divorce threats than couples with children.

From these few indicators, ignoring the fact that you need help saving your marriage and identifying factors cum indicators that are working in opposition to your marriage from the scratch, could be ridiculous. Never the less, if you have gotten to the stage that you need help saving your marriage and identifying the underlying indicators that are seriously antagonizing your marriage even to breaking point, then you need a good advice to rescue your marriage instantly from collapsing and becoming an additional to divorce statistic.

Do you want to reawaken a committed and loving relationship in your marriage? There are proven steps that are amazingly powerful that will help you overcome conflicts and breathe life back into your marriage. This is a plan you do not want to pass by. Click here to see the proven steps on how to save your marriage.

Author's Bio: 

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