My Husband Is Verbally Abusive and Blames Me: Miserable Negative Husband - Toxic Spouse Syndrome

Are you living with verbal abuse in marriage? Are you tired of feeling like a second class citizen? Are you afraid the abuse will become physical? Many people suffer with verbal abuse in marriage - both men and women can be guilty of abusing their wives or husbands in many ways. If you're being abused verbally, you don't have to take it. If you think you might be treating your husband or wife badly, then take steps to stop right away - you're at risk of ruining your relationship and causing permanent emotional damage.

Signs of Verbal Abuse in Marriage

Non-physical abuse can hurt - it may not leave visible marks like physical abuse can, but it can be just as damaging. Here are some signs of this type of abuse.

* Your spouse yells and shouts at you, often with little or no provocation.

* Your husband or wife seems to blame you for everything. He or she is often angry with you, even though you think you've done nothing wrong.

* You are afraid to express your feelings and emotions for fear of being shouted at.

* You are afraid of making a mistake with anything, because it could set your spouse into a tirade.

These are common signs of verbal abuse in marriage and other relationships - but by no means are they all the signs. If any of these seem familiar, you're very likely the victim of this type of abuse.

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How Non-Physical Abuse Hurts

People who are involved in relationships with one another don't usually start out by yelling, making accusations, or being overly demanding. We join in marriage because we need love and security in our lives. We need friendship and companionship. Verbal abuse in marriage erodes the trust that is so important for a healthy relationship, and it causes resentment.

If you feel like your spouse is a bully, it doesn't increase your love and respect for him or her! If you are the one who is perpetrating the abuse, then you need to understand that the things you say, and the way you say them, are harmful to you because they're harmful to your spouse. If you want to have a successful relationship, you need to work together, as partners.

Ending Verbal Abuse in Marriage

Although it can be very difficult to change habits that have become ingrained over the course of time, change is possible. Don't let abuse of any kind ruin your relationship! People who are verbal terrorists may have never learned how to use language to effectively communicate. It is normal for people to be frustrated at times, and it's normal to sometimes feel exasperated by those who are closest to us. It's not normal to take those emotions to extreme.

One of the best tools for stopping the cycle of abuse of any kind is online marriage counseling. This is a problem you probably cannot fix on your own, so getting help as soon as possible is crucial. Online marriage counseling is confidential, often inexpensive, and can be undertaken from the comfort of your home. Best of all, you can work together, as a couple, to end the abuse that is ruining your marriage.

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Problems in a marriage are part of the package. It is to be expected and both partners must be able to acknowledge, accept and deal with the problems as they manifest. Denying the problems or not dealing with them early makes it very difficult to resolve them later. The common problems in a marriage such as finances, intimacy, sharing of responsibilities, children, communication, likes and dislikes, in-laws etc., are as old as the institution itself. The consolation therefore, is that, others have faced similar problems in their marriages and have been able to overcome them. In fact, in working at resolving the problems, many marriages have been strengthened and made better. Therefore, in dealing with problems in a marriage, the best approach is to be prepared to work together and try out the possible solutions. The worst approach is to play the blame game. To deal with marriage problems successfully, the following are two key prerequisites:

1. Commitment

Marriage is a commitment to a partnership and to make the partnership work, both parties must be prepared to work at making it successful. There is no such thing as instant bliss and ready made success. There is a process to it and it takes time to be put in place and continuously improved. How long does it take? How about forever? Why? Because there are cases of marriages falling apart even after many years and when the couples have reached a ripe old age. If the marriage is built on a strong and long term commitment, the effort required to make the marriage a success is almost spontaneous. In working at resolving problems in a marriage, it must be carefully thought out and given the required time to bear fruit. It is not just about working hard. Sometimes this may work against the objective as it can be viewed as undue pressure resulting in emotional and mental stress.

2. Understanding

A marriage is about two individuals believing that they can live their lives better as a couple. It is about love. It is about adding better value and meaning to each other. In a marriage, two people place their trust in one another with the hope of a building a bond that will see them live happily. A marriage is about meeting the needs and expectations of both partners. A marriage needs the clear understanding of both partners that though they have different roles to play, it is always in support of each other. These need not be listed and ticked off as a checklist but something which is a result of the spiritual, emotional and physical force or energy that brought two people together. As problems arise in the marriage, such an understanding will help the partners take things in their stride and keep focused on the end result. Understanding brings resilience and resilience enables the partners to persevere at overcoming their marriage problems.

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Are you having problems with your marriage? Have you exhausted every option and you think there is no way forward? There are ways that work that most people do not really commit to mind. Here are 4 smart ways to save your marriage right now.


Do you have any buddies who had marriage problems and then are living happily ever after? Ask them how they did resolved their differences.

Try to look beyond buddies within your age bracket. Older couples are gems for advice, so go the extra length to find them. However, keep in mind that what worked for them might not necessarily work for you. So be creative with the advice you get and work with it.

Forums Online

The net is a wonderful place to find information and looking for ways to save your marriage is no exception. A forum is a good place to find a solution to your problems. The good thing is that you can get good responses from people and still keep your identity secret.

The major setback might be that you won't get one truly useful response. You will have to go back and forth as different people air their views. But in the long run, forums are a very good means of getting advice and opinions that could work for you.

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Marital Counseling

When you marriage is looking like hitting the rocks, have you thought of getting professional help? A professional marital counselor has training and experience and could just find a solution to your problem.

The problem here is that it requires both partners for it to work. And in a case where one spouse is not keen on seeing a counselor, the marriage could run into trouble. But do not give up yet. Avoid pressure or doling out ultimatums. Just keep at it and you could work wonders.

Help Books

If you are on the Net looking for information, finding books that can help save your marriage should not be a problem. Look beyond the hype and find people who have real stories about their marriages to tell or professionals with proven records that they can save you from marital destruction.

Whatever way you choose, never sit down and do nothing. You need to stand up and take action for your marriage. The longer you wait for things to sort out themselves, the harder your problems will take to solve.

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Ah yes. The first year of marriage. The year when your eyes are all lit up with joy and the anticipation of the bliss that is to come. It's the time when you're supposed to make love nightly and fall into each other's arms at every opportunity.

It is also the year when you find out that your spouse snores and leaves the toothpaste tube uncovered.

The honeymoon is over.

The truth is, the first year of a marriage can be a very difficult one. Unless you lived with your spouse prior to this, you really have no idea what he or she is going to be like to live with on a daily basis. We certainly have no idea of whether or not our spouse snores. And boy, can THAT be a real wake up call. What do you do? You just got married. The last thing you want to do is start off your marriage with a jab to the ribs of your spouse and a bellowing command to turn over. So you try to deal with it for a few nights. But eventually seven nights of no sleep catches up to you and you snap.

And that toothpaste thing. Don't laugh. People have their funny little quirks. And leaving the tube off the toothpaste is just one of them. Not putting down the toilet seat is another one guys. That's right, you better start thinking of other people in the house besides yourself. Those jokes you see about this on Comedy Central are there because they're true.

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And you women. Here's where you can be the worst cook in the world and get away with it, at least for a while anyway. Most likely the first meal you cook for your husband isn't going to be greeted with a comment of "that's horrible" even if it is something that you wouldn't feed to your worst enemy. But eventually a time is going to come when your husband is going to bring home a cookbook for you to read and demand that you do so immediately.

Of course not everything about the first year of marriage is hard. Some of it is very nice. Let's face it, the first year of marital relations can be very exciting. You're just getting to know each other in that area and everything is new. You actually look forward to being with each other late at night before bed. In this respect, the first year of marriage is like no other.

But more importantly, the first year of marriage is a time when you're supposed to get to know each other as people. While you were dating, you tried to always show yourself off in the best light. Now, your partner is going to see you on your good days and bad days. When you got sick and used to just stay home and not see each other it was okay to get sick. Now, your spouse is going to see you hacking and wheezing and pretty much on death's door when that flu hits. The glamour is gone. Now the real love and commitment starts. It can be scary to have to care for someone who looks like he or she is ready to cash in his chips. Well, don't worry about it.

The second year it gets easier.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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