My Husband Is Verbally Abusive and Blames Me: Miserable Negative Husband - Toxic Spouse Syndrome

If you suffer from spousal verbal abuse then you have probably heard, "I'm sorry" almost as many times as you have heard the insults, bad names, and being sworn at. This is one of the tactics verbal abuser use to keep up their abuse; they apologize, restate their love for you and promise never to do it again. You then live in the illusion that everything will be alright until... the next time.

How long can you put up with it? Every time it happens again, do you find yourself believing things will change, or begin to wonder if your spouse if ever capable of changing at all?

In this article you're going to find out the REAL test to see if they are finally going to get their act together or not.

*Admit that what they did was wrong. If they minimize what they did (I only called you a few names. Didn't your mother tell you, "Sticks and stones will break your bones but names will never hurt you?") they will go back to this horrendous behavior when they see the time to be right. This can be a learned behavior they adapted when they were growing up. They may know that it is wrong but do not know how to change things. When they find themselves mad or upset, they automatically revert to this behavior as an outburst, not thinking about the effect it has on anyone else.

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*. He/she (unfortunately both sexes can be abusers) must admit that they are abusive and that it is in their control to change themselves. If they blame YOUR weak constitution or their bad upbringing for their behavior no matter how many times that they apologize it won't last too long because in their mind they are not responsible for what happened. It is common for these types of people to blame others and not face their part in any situation. They do not see how damaging their actions are. They are not willing to face the truth of the matter, and thus not ready to ever change or get help for their behavior.

*. Be willing to rectify what he/ she did and be extra nice. Until he/ she begins to be more respectful of your needs and tries to fix your name to the people in front of whom they insulted you, they are still apt to fall back into their evil pattern. Also even little derogatory jokes which in a normal relationship isn't so bad, they have to stop them.

*. Strive for perfection. Don't fall for the "I'll try for the next few months" line. They have to be willing to put in the effort and sweat to stop the verbal abuse ALL THE TIME and FOREVER.

People who verbally abuse their spouses apologize for their disgusting behavior almost as much as they are verbally abusive. Don't fall for their apologizes unless you sense that they really do realize the damage that they caused you, they take FULL responsibility for what they did, are willing to be extra nice, and are willing to be good FOREVER. Unless they fulfill these conditions either leave them or be prepared for more outbursts regardless of how much the apologize.

In most cases, therapy or group sessions will help these verbal abusive spouses learn how to better cope in situations where they find themselves losing control and lashing out verbally. If they are truly ready to change, they should be open to going to some sessions to see how it can help. You do not have to put up with a verbally abusive spouse. There is help out there for both you and your spouse if you just ask for it.

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The period of pregnancy, after child birth and childhood does affect a marriage in one way or another. Children are a source of joy and the gifts of God. When a couple marries, sometimes an unplanned baby gives joy or apprehensions as the case may be.

In some cases, if the couples have been married only for a few months and suddenly there is good news of a positive pregnancy, the partners may be taken aback because they might not have been prepared for it.

When a woman becomes pregnant, her whole life changes both physically and mentally. Some women have continuous vomiting bouts and others may have various other anxiety problems. All this occurs mainly due to hormonal changes in the body. These changes could cause sudden tensions between partners. It will take a lot of support to ease their anxiety. Men especially need more guidance to handle such sudden turn of events.

After the child is born, timings have to be rescheduled to adjust according to the baby's sleep, feeding time, nappy change etc; the mother will be worn out and tired and she will not be able to give full attention to her spouse. This negligence could sometimes irritate some partners.

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The time after child birth is a trying one for both parents since sleep and rest will not be available for a long time. Tempers may fly and the father may have to sacrifice his leisure time to look after the moth and baby. This could irritate the partner considerably.

The mother on the other hand will have hormonal changes and may have bad tempers often. Behavioral changes must be handled with patience and maturity to avoid clashes. Timely help from close family members could save the situation and a boon for the new parents.

Another phase is one which occurs as the child grows up. When a child does a mischief, both the parents must handle the situation carefully. There should not be a situation where one parent chides and the supports the child. Then the kid will not have respect towards the parent. Tensions and ego clashes will thus occur between the partners. The couple will slowly drift mentally apart and love will be lost. To avoid such a situation the couple must firmly resolve to handle difficult children jointly.

A marriage will become successful only if both partners work together and try to solve everyday problems with maturity, dedication and love. They should not make a mountain out of a mole hill or go to court for silly reasons. The couple, if they act responsibly will go through such child rearing phases smoothly and can be an inspiration to others.

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When your money starts to work for your family, it will give you peace of mind and help you to build a stronger marriage and better family life. It will also help you to prepare adequately for the future and make you to avoid work for your family:

1. Make Money Legitimately: One of the best things you can do for yourself is to make money legally and rightly. Never make money in such a way that will lead you into trouble and cause great pain to your family. You cannot continue to dupe people forever; the long arm of the law will one day catch up with you. No matter how you try to repair it you must have ended up destroying all the good things you have built including your family.

2. Take Care of Your Family: Never allow your family to suffer, take good care of them, provide for them and make them comfortable. You are not yet a real man until your family gets real comfort from you. Be yoked with your family and make them your priority. If you want the blessing of God upon your business, then make your family comfortable to the best of your ability.

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3. Train your Children: Give your children sound education and invest in their future. Spend generously on the education of your children, give them more than what you were given by your own parents. Get all necessary books for them and pay their school fees as at when due. Always remember that education is the best legacy you can give them. An adage states that, "A child you fail to train (educate) will be the one to destroy the house you built".

4. Manage Money Rightly: Most people know how to make money, but very few know how to manage it. If you want money to truly work for your family, then become a money manager. Hardly can you see a person who has been a millionaire since the 1970s still waxing stronger. Most millionaire around are recent millionaire, where are the multimillionaire of yesterday? Gone with the wind. What it is that happen to them? They were money makers but not financial manager.

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WHERE is God taking us in our marriages? Otherwise, what is his will for the union of two into one?

Such questions are primary for all of us who appreciate the sanctity of Christian marriage in devotion to our spouse for the life now and all of that which is to come.

What must God want for us to think and say and do in our marriages? How are we to discharge our 'rights' of the other person (1 Corinthians 7:4)? How are we to forego our own body's rights? What does it mean that our spouse has claim on us?

These, and so many more questions, are the substance of Christian marriage. Only a union of two, themselves, are able to lay claim to the answer of such questions.

But here it is - the Summum Bonum of marriage - at least from a Christian standpoint. God's will is that we would give to the other to the extent that we are able to remain in love with our spouse - that the quotient of our love would superintendent the past, and we would become lovers of our lover in the present.

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God wants us to be in love with our spouse. He wants us to do what we need to do to remain in love.

Too many marriages are rent asunder because of our inability to remain in love.

And so many marriages might be predicated on not being in love in the first place.

Men, if we are able to remain in love with our wives, other women - albeit their inherent attractiveness to us - will always remain at a distance from our hearts. It is bad enough that we might partake in an attraction from time to time, but to take part in fantasy is to extinguish our marital love. We would fall out of love.

The key to falling back in love with the spouse of God's choice for us is to be in love - to the point that our spouse becomes, as they were, the consuming focus of our lives.

It cannot be equalled in the realm of marriage under God - to be in love with our marriage partner. Satisfaction is redoubled into contentment because of God's affirmation for our faithfulness; hardly a better, more assured state of heart and mind any person could achieve through grace.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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