My Husband Made Me Quit My Job: Gave Up Career For Husband

Whoever said that money won't buy you love may not have had a whole lot of money. Kidding aside, having money is nice, but not at the expense of your relationships. No one on their death bed -- looking back on their lives -- ever wished they would have spent more time at the office.

When you begin putting your priorities in order, you'll discover how you can still go for the gold at work while retaining your relationships. Here are three laws of balancing a rewarding career with a satisfying marriage.

Law 1: you can either master your career or it will master you.

Before you can do anything else, you need to recognize where you're at. Your next is to make room in your life to make changes or restore balance. If your career is your life, you may want to think about doing things a bit differently. For starters, how about spending more time with your wife, getting healthy so you can feel good and live a long life, and placing more emphasis on your relationship with God? When you find fulfillment beyond your career you'll know satisfaction that is significantly more enlightening than accumulating cash or accomplishments. If you choose not to find balance or realize that your body has a limit to how many 70-hour work weeks it can tolerate, your health could start to suffer along with your relationships. Take action before it's too late.

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Law 2: only you can choose who will be your biggest fans; your family or your co-workers.

You may be an all-star at corporate headquarters, but are you an all-star at home? If you think you might know your coworkers, executive VPs or office staff better than you own family and you're committed to making your marriage work, this may be another sign that you need to make changes. As difficult as it may be despite your workload, try cutting back your hours and spending more time with your family. Make it your priority to get to know them and what's important to them, and they'll feel a lot less neglected. In the midst of a busy day, slow down enough to stop and tell your spouse you love them and are thinking of them.

Law 3: you can only love your career or your spouse; not both. One will eventually leave you.

If your career comes before your spouse, your relationship likely reflects that. You may be more in love with your job than you are with your husband or wife. Or at least that's how it appears. You may bring work home on the weekends, or work 10-12 hour days or more, coming home exhausted and with little left for your spouse. Then you wonder why you two don't seem to be getting along. Ask your spouse who or what seems to be more important from what your actions indicate in that scenario. I believe that the proper priorities are: God, spouse, career. While you need to provide for your family, placing your spouse above your job will perhaps positively change your relationship. And when your spiritual life is your first priority, everything else will fall into place from there.

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Quick, what is the most common attitude a spouse can have that leads a marriage down the path to breakup? If you said taking the partner for granted, you'd be right. Is this an issue in your marriage?

It is human nature to want to be valued, appreciated and nurtured. And when you think about it, these are the essential and fundamental qualities that keep a couple bonded together. They are the positive strokes from a spouse that make it easy to love in return. They are the essence of romance.

In contrast, when a couple lacks these positive strokes of regard, the relationship suffers and the partners drift apart. It's as if the bricks in the foundation of a house lack mortar. The foundation will eventually crumble and the house will fall down. How does this happen?

Start first by understanding how your relationship got into its present state.

Before the wedding during courtship, couples tend to make more effort to look good, show courtesy, and be romantic. They do this to "win" each other's approval and willingness to get married.

But at some point after the "honeymoon period" has ended, it's not uncommon for spouses to start taking each other for granted. One partner or the other may think that since they have made a lifelong commitment to love each other, that's enough.

Slowly, over time, the extra romantic gestures, thoughtfulness, expressions of appreciation, and sense of fun and adventure start falling by the wayside. This, in turn, affects the quality of the intimacy in the relationship and the satisfaction level.

At this point in the relationship, many spouses just accept the "status quo" as something that routinely happens as time goes by in a marriage. They figure that this is normal, that there's nothing they can do about it, and that what's most important is that they have made a commitment to each other by getting married. They view the marriage as a strong, permanent bond that will keep them together.

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This is one of the myths that Allen Berger, Ph.D. addresses in his new book, Love Secrets Revealed: What Happy Couples Know About Having Great Sex, Deep Intimacy and a Lasting Connection (2006). According to Dr. Berger, the reality is that "Romantic relationships and marriages are held together with an extremely fragile emotional bond. Taking a relationship for granted is dangerous and will often result in tragedy."

He states that "...all romantic relationships have a 'fragile bond' that must be nurtured." He continues by saying that he has seen "hundreds of men and women who, after years of ignoring the quality of their relationships, express shock when a partner decides to leave. They'd based their entire future on the myth that marriage involves a lifelong commitment."

It's not enough to rely on a marriage license to hold your relationship together. Relationships need time, effort, energy, attention, and nourishment in order to thrive. Dr. Berger advises couples that "their first child is their relationship" and that this relationship "needs as much care and attention as a human infant."

It's not enough to say that spouses "shouldn't" walk away from their marriages or "shouldn't" divorce. The reality is that many unhappy spouses do walk out the door, and marriages do wither away and die a slow death.

Read through the following list and see if any of the behaviors mentioned apply to you and your marriage. Each behavior represents a "land mine" of trouble in a marriage:

1. "If your partner isn't complaining, everything is probably okay."

It's important to keep communication channels open and to take the time to routinely listen to your spouse and talk deeply about any issues or concerns. Don't take for granted that all is well if your communication has dried up.

2. "If you let your appearance go, it's no big deal."

No one likes to feel that their mate doesn't think they are worth the time and effort to look their best. Being taken for granted in this way won't keep your romantic and sex life sizzling.

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3. "It doesn't matter that you've stopped doing the little romantic things to show that you really care."

When a partner stops making romantic and thoughtful gestures, the mate often concludes that the partner's love is lessening. The mate then feels taken for granted, and romantic feelings may dull.

4. "Now that you're married, you don't have to express appreciation or say 'thank you' as often."

When a partner doesn't show appreciation or say "thank you," the mate can feel unimportant and taken for granted. The mate may start thinking, "She's only married to me for my paycheck" or "He doesn't value my contributions to the marriage."

5. "If you're too busy (work, hobbies, friends, etc.) to spend quality time together and share some fun activities, it's okay because you'll make it up to your spouse later on."

People can't be "put on hold" for week, months, and years. Neither can relationships. If you take your spouse for granted in this way, you run the risk of losing your emotional connection and discovering that when you're finally ready to devote time to the relationship, your partner doesn't want to be with you.

The commitment you and your spouse made to each other at your wedding is unlikely to be enough to sustain your marriage at a high level of quality over a period of years. If you want more in your marriage month to month, you have to give more - consistently and continuously.

Remember, your relationship is like a garden. You have to care for it consciously and consistently if you want it to produce fruit. And we all want the fruit of love in our marriage, don't we?

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I am leaving are words no wife wants to hear. They can tear you up inside, cause you to feel overwhelmed or absolutely angry. For some wives their husband's reasons for leaving just don't make any sense while for others they know exactly what the problem is but don't know how to cope with it.

No matter why he is leaving, there are seven things you should never do when faced with a situation like this:

Do Not Panic, It Is Not The End Of The World

Too often wives who are faced with this dilemma allow it to get them in a state of panic. This attitude causes them to be irrational and also do crazy or unwise things.

Remember, the world is not coming to an end and after all of this is straightened out life has to still go on, especially if you have children who are depending on you.

Do Not Clam Up Give them Enough Confidence to be Open

Now that you are in the right frame of mind you need to get them to open up to you. The worst thing is not knowing exactly what is causing their decision.

Don't assume that it is another woman and that they do not love you any more.

It could be a host of other things such as stresses at home or work or a character problem that they have been talking to you about that hasn't changed and they are now frustrated. Just get the facts.

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Do not Play the Blame Game

This is not the time to add pressure to an already strained relationship. Therefore, there should be no finger pointing, shouting, screaming or blame shifting.

Doing this will only push him further away. Use this time to re-evaluate your marriage, what caused the problem and what both of you can do to fix it.

Do not be Closed to Professional Help

Most marriages will have its moments of ups and downs and sometimes, unchecked/unresolved problems can cause frustration, resentment and even confusion.

Your husband may really love you and really want the relationship to work but he just does not know how to handle all that is happening in your marriage.

It is at this point that you may need to consider marriage counseling. Suggest to him that you really want your relationship and you are willing to start over, but you strongly suggest getting external help.

Do Not Cry Or Whine Every Time You Talk

Whining and crying every time you see him will not help the situation. You have to be strong and calm but at the same time assertive.

Try to ascertain the reasons for his decision. If he is willing to talk, then set up a time and place.

A relationship does not have to come to an end because one partner says they want to call it quits.

Finally, there is always at least one lesson to be learnt from any situation. Try to figure out what it is for you. Maybe this can make you into a stronger individual or cause you to pay more attention to the needs of your marriage.

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Most people certainly understand what physical fitness training is for. After all, millions join health clubs at the beginning of every year to lose weight and to get in shape.

But ask married couples if they have considered "awareness training" to improve their marriage and they'll give you a blank stare. The truth is, there is a similarity between training to get in shape physically and training yourself mentally and emotionally to enjoy profound emotional intimacy with your spouse.

If you've ever worked out in a sport or simply embarked on a physical fitness regimen, you know what it's like to put out repetitive effort and feel the physical discomfort of tired muscles and shortness of breath. And you probably got some sense of satisfaction when you saw the results of your effort. The exercise added to your physical sense of health and well being.

Now consider conflicts in your own marriage. A couple fighting stirs up strong feelings which is usually uncomfortable emotionally for both people. Many spouses who have the mental discipline to put themselves through tough physical workouts have tremendous difficulty facing upsetting feelings during an argument with their spouse.

But the two situations are similar. How so?

If you can face the physical pain in running a distance, then you are capable of facing the emotional pain that comes with marital disagreement. And if you can remain present and face those difficult feelings without defensiveness during an argument, you set the stage for a remarkable recovery toward greater intimacy with your spouse.

Consider what happens when you have a fight with your spouse. In the middle of an upsetting argument, you have the momentary opportunity to choose how to respond to your spouse who is pressing your emotional buttons. You can react automatically, in which case you might resort to anger and blaming accusations.

Or you can stop, take a deep breath, and ask yourself "Why am I feeling this way?" In this moment, you have the unique opportunity to break away from your habitual response and gain insight into yourself. It means you can grow as a person, you can set a positive example for your spouse, and you can improve the richness of your marriage.

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All you have to do is realize a simple process and work on your self awareness. This process has its roots in cognitive psychology where the basic idea is that your beliefs drive your behavior.

For example, imagine a couple named John and Mary who are having a fight over whether or not to go out that evening. At some point, John bites his tongue and becomes aware that he started the fight when he became angry, thinking that Mary wasn't respecting his point of view. Then in a flash of recognition, he realizes that growing up, his father never respected his point of view.

John shows vulnerability by sharing this insight with Mary. Mary responds by listening with compassion as John tells his story. Finally John realizes that, deep down, he has harbored a fear that his opinion didn't count. He admits that he started the fight responding to his subconscious fear. John shares this insight with Mary and asks her forgiveness for starting the fight. Mary accepts his apology with appreciation and empathy because she now understands what was behind John's behavior.

This moment is a milestone in reaching a deeper level of emotional intimacy between John and Mary. What made it possible was that John was insightful about his innermost fear, he had the courage and the humility to share it with Mary, and Mary was compassionate in her understanding of his emotional pain.

Steps to Deeper Intimacy

Would you like to have breakthroughs in your marriage like John and Mary? You can achieve deeper intimacy with your spouse by developing awareness based on these principles:

1. What you get in a marriage usually is in direct proportion to what you give. What goes around generally comes around in relationships.

When John started the fight, Mary responded with anger. But when John realized what was behind his feelings and asked forgiveness, Mary responded with compassion.

2. Emotions drive behavior. People behave on the impulse of strong feelings.

John had a subconscious fear that his opinions didn't matter. That fear manifested as anger which led to him starting the fight.

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3. Thoughts generate emotions. The quality of your thoughts determine the quality of your feelings.

John's subconscious thinking was "Mary doesn't value my opinion." This low quality self talk led to his negative feelings.

4. Beliefs spawn thoughts. You generally don't think something unless there's an underlying belief supporting that thought.

John had carried an unconscious belief since childhood that had affected his marriage up to that point. This belief set the stage for John's thoughts of self-doubt. The negative belief that John carried led to behavior that hurt his marriage.

This same process affects everyone's behavior whether they realize it or not. So, what difference does this process make for you and your marriage? The chain of events that can determine the quality of your marriage are:

Beliefs > Thoughts > Emotions > Actions > Results

How can you use this knowledge in your marriage? Try these steps:

1. The next disagreement you have with your spouse, stop and take a deep breath. Be willing to face the emotional discomfort calmly without blaming your spouse.

2. Then ask yourself "Why do I believe in my point of view?" and "What thoughts are provoking my emotions?"

3. Remember that beliefs are not set in stone. You can change them simply by deciding to do so.

4. Humbly consider whether the fundamental belief that drives your behavior should be changed.

Just as in shooting basketball hoops over and over, repetition of this exercise leads to mastery of the technique. And just as the sustained effort required to get in physical shape will give you a sense of physical well being, the sustained effort to master this process can lead to marital well being.

Stated another way, these beneficial ideas as applied to your marriage are:

Sow a positive belief in your consciousness, reap empowering thoughts.

Sow an empowering thought, reap uplifting emotions.

Sow an uplifting emotion, reap inspired actions.

Sow an inspired action, reap an abundant marriage and life.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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