My Husband Makes Me Feel Inadequate: Feeling Insignificant In A Marriage - Feeling Inadequate In My Marriage

Isn't a wife supposed to feel cherished and adored by the man she married? That's what you believed but now you find yourself wondering if your husband even notices you're around half the time. He barely talks to you, he never says anything that even remotely sounds like a compliment and he hasn't told you he loves you in forever. You're frustrated for good reason. Feeling unimportant to your husband is a horrible thing. If you allow it to overwhelm you, that's a guarantee that your self esteem will be damaged and your desire to stay in the marriage will be virtually non-existent.

Before you can effectively deal with the way your husband has been treating you, you need to deal with yourself and how his mistreatment is affecting you. Getting over feeling unimportant to your husband is all about boosting up your own self esteem. It's natural that you would begin to question your own self worth in light of the fact that your husband doesn't value you the way he should. You may begin to question your appeal or your value as a woman and a life partner. It's crucial that you don't allow his shortcomings to impact the person and woman you are.

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Make a list of all the qualities about yourself that you love. Be honest and don't be humble. It's important for you to be able to recognize everything that you bring to world and all the characteristics that are uniquely yours. Just because your husband has failed to recognize what a gift you are, doesn't mean you have to view yourself the same way.

Now is the time to indulge your own interests again. If your husband has been neglecting you and that includes not spending as much time with you as he used to, it's up to you to seek out your own new experiences. That's not to say that those new experiences should be with another man. You should be focused on finding fulfillment in the things you enjoy most in life. Be that going away for a few days to your favorite getaway place or going back to school to pursue the degree you gave up on years ago.

The male mind is an interesting thing and you're actually going to notice a change in your husband once you start focusing less on his neglecting you and more on yourself. He'll start to view you as an interesting and vibrant woman again and his interest will be peaked. Suddenly you won't seem as unimportant to him anymore and by then you'll already be feeling great about yourself so it's a win-win situation.

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This is an interesting topic that actually inspired me after a saw a movie in early 2010. The movie was called "Valentine's Day" and had an all-star list of actors and actresses: Ashton Kutcher and Jessica Alba were both in it. If you're interested in getting better at understanding men, you might want to watch this movie and simply absorb the story, even though romantic comedies might not usually be your cup of tea.

1. The Story...

So basically to try and cut the long story short, at the start of the movie, the character that Kutcher plays proposes to his girlfriend, played by Jessica Alba. Later in the movie, Alba gives the ring back to him, apologizing and leaving him.

Kutcher is talking to a work colleague later about what happened and asks his work colleague, "how do you have it so good?" with reference to him and his wife. His answer: "easy, I married my best friend". I initially found this funny, because I immediately pictured my best male friend, but the more I thought about it, the more sense it made to me.

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2. Best Female Friend

It might seem weird, but if two people get along as friends before they become lovers, they often have a stronger bond. If love is the only thing keeping them together, you can often feel like your relationship lacks substance.

That's why it's important to really get to know your partner well and to see both their good and bad sides, to know what they're into and for them to know what you're into and to have that mutual respect even before anything happens.

3. Friends vs. Lovers

There are also several benefits that support the argument that being friends with your partner is better than being purely their lover. If they're your friend, there's less on the line compared to being a lover. You aren't as afraid to be more honest to them, meaning that communication is better.

It's also more fun. Your friend is someone who you can have fun without having to take your clothes off. You simply enjoy their company. If you're a lover, the impression is that fun comes predominantly in its "carnal" form.

Realizing that you have to really be your man's friend before you become his lover is a not often talked about aspect of understanding men. If you're already together with him, it doesn't mean that it's too late to be his friend. There has to be something there that you can share, you just have to find it.

Are you tired of living in a relationship in which you feel neglected? Many married people find themselves feeling alone and rejected by their spouse. If you feel taken for granted, there's a way to change that now.

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In coastal China the people are fond of a small eel they catch in the open ocean. Because they're so small, it takes a lot of the eels to fill the boat and the fishermen have to stay at sea a long time to make the trip pay.

The eels have to be brought back alive because they spoil quickly once they're dead. So, the fishermen catch ch'o fish and throw them in the tanks with the eels. The ch'o fish are vicious and they like to eat eels. Throwing a few ch'o fish in the well keeps the eels lively (and alive!) until they reach shore and can be sold in peak condition.

I wonder if you have a ch'o fish keeping you company at home. And if you do, I wonder if you're sufficiently grateful for the constant aggravation they bring you. Do you think you'd be happier if your ch'o fish left you in peace? Well, maybe, but there are some people who, like the eels, don't do so well with peace. They get lazy and complacent. Or, maybe they get restless and have to stir up trouble for someone else.

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Ever feel like someone is forever jerking your chain, pushing your buttons and rubbing you the wrong way? If so, you're probably married. Or maybe you just have kids. Or, perhaps you're really lucky and have both a spouse and kids. You're surrounded by ch'o fish. You should live a long life with many aggravations.

So, the next time your loved one gives you a hard time, let them know you appreciate it by fighting back. That way, they'll realize you're still alive after all. Show some emotion. Take a position and be somebody. And demand the same from them. That's really living!

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Did you know the greatest enemy you have to your future success is someone you meet every morning. That's right. You see them often. You talk to them everyday. And depending on how the conversation goes, you may be depressed by them each day.

Where do I meet them, you ask? When do I talk to them?

Every morning when you go into the bathroom, look into the mirror and greet yourself.

If you are not careful, you can become your own worst enemy. How, you ask? By talking down to yourself, talking bad about yourself and encouraging yourself in all of your faults.

Happiness is a state of mind; joy is a state of being. Happiness is based on your interpretation of your circumstances. It's not what happens to you. It's how you perceive things inside of you that determine if your life will lift you up or tear you down.

Everyone has problems. We all deal with situations and difficulties that are hard on us. The challenge is not the problem; what's even more important is how we internalize the problem. What do we tell ourselves about the problem.

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You are driving in your car. You are cruising along at 65 miles an hour when you hear an explosion. Your tire blows out and you move to the side of the road. It's getting late and you feel bad. You begin to talk to yourself and curse yourself for not seeing this happening earlier. You tell yourself you should have checked the tire. You beat yourself up.

Is that you? Or do you see it as "things happen, it's not always someone else's fault and I just have to deal with it". Do you blame yourself or see it as something that happens to people who are living?

Negative self talk is so damaging. Criticism, complaining, putting oneself down is all detrimental to your health. Of course we need to take blame when we are responsible. But you will get much farther in life looking at the glass half full instead of half empty.

So many negative influences attack us as we grow up. Many stick around even once we are grown. Friends who hate your success. Teachers who call you stupid (it is said Albert Einstein was once called unable to learn by one of his teachers). Spouses who don't see your potential.

Tell yourself that you are dynamic, powerful and able to accomplish anything you put your mind to. You can become the person you want to be.

Just think about it!

Now Listen Carefully-

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Author's Bio: 

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Divorce does not have to be your only option. Even if it feels as though your relationship can't be saved because of the ongoing conflicts between you and your spouse, it can be. There are techniques that you can begin using today that will not only stop a divorce, but will help also you build a stronger and more loving marriage.

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