My Husband Relies On Me For His Happiness: Am I Responsible For My Husband's Happiness

The wife occupies a very prominent office in the home and because of that, there are certain duties she must discharge to ensure that the marriage institution is well managed.

Having realized that marriage is an institution, I quickly studied the duties very carefully in order to do well and do my work very well. I never wanted to be a failure especially in my marriage. This marriage institution requires serious commitment and attention.

In this institution, some of my duties include, carrying out all the instructions of my husband. My husband is the Principal of the institution. I also report to him after my day to day activities.

Also, it is my duty to find out the kind of food my husband, children and servants like most. That will help me to prepare a menu.

Before my husband buys anything, I ensure that the price is suitable because I am the one in charge of the finance. I make out time to check the quality of any product before such is purchased.

I also have the duty of representing my husband in his absence. I ensure that anything I do is for the benefits of the entire household. I supervise all the activities of my children and give appraisal. Our home is my major assignment and I make sure that everything is done in accordance with the laid than principles.

The greatest duty I owe to the entire world is to ensure that my children behave well so that there will be good future leaders in the world.

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Marriage is the most important occasion in one's life, the one which a person waits for all his life time. Often people are heard saying, that the time before and during the marriage is the most memorable times, and the life after marriage becomes a daily routine and it becomes a common routine, which the couple follows. Not everything is gifted in the way people want it, but one has to shape it according to the requirements and needs. But of course, the time period of courtship and the marriage ceremonies are said to be the most precious ones, but to turn the times after marriage into more memorable and unforgettable ones, is in the hands of the married couple. Following are some of the factors, which can help a couple in leading a happy and contended married life:

Understanding

Understanding is the most important quotient, which helps the couple, in moving on with a smooth and healthy life. Misunderstanding is the most common problem, which is faced by the couple these days. They are more prone towards playing a blame game with their partner, which at the end leads nowhere, so the couple from the starting should try and understand his or her life partner and should give equal chance of explaining the point of view of the other person.

Negative thoughts

Youth these days have become so much negative, and are always pessimistic in their approach towards life. Whenever they think about an issue, the first side they view is the negative aspects of the issue, which makes their mind, think in the negative direction always and leaves no space for positive thoughts and optimism. The wife or the husband should not allow negative thoughts to come into their relationship, which becomes the main reason of raising the question of doubt in the relationship.

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Friendship

Being friends with the life partner is the best solution to counter all the problems. Friendship is the basis of all relations, if a couple shares the relation of friendship, then they are very open to each other and shares all the problems and tensions of their life with each other. If a husband or wife is the best friend to his or her life partner, then that is the best gift, one can get in his lifetime. Such couples are the blessed ones, because they need not go and find another friend for sharing their problems, they have found their best soul mate in the form of their husband or wife.

Space

These days, people want to be independent and lead their life in their own defined ways. Though, they are answerable to their life partners, but that question answer session should be confined to a limit. Lot of digging into the reasons of small, small things, lead to the rise of irritation in the married life. A bride or a groom is not always interested in sharing some things, even with his life partner, in such cases; he should be left alone and given time and space to think. Also, lot of boundaries in the relationship makes it weak and pale.

Trust

Trust goes hand in hand with understanding, which a married couple must possess in their relation. Trust does not allow any of the above discussed factors to come into the relation and spoil the couple's life. It is in a way the foundation stone of the couple's wedding. From the very first day of the wedding, the bride and groom must have that confidence in each other, that nobody from the external source is able to put weeds in the relation.

Thus by implementing all these points in a relation and many others depending on the couple's bonding, a married couple, can lead a successful and joyful lifetime with each other.

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Money may not be the root of all evil, but it is the root of almost all arguments between couples-there are few issues that have more impact on life as a couple.

When it comes to finances, you and your partner are probably working in opposite directions and wondering why creating wealth, or even talking about money, is a struggle.

If you argue and struggle enough, you may end up experiencing your biggest expense, and maybe even more than once. No, it's not taxes; it's divorce. Divorce costs big money, and comes with high costs in the areas of relationships and emotions. It impacts kids, communities, jobs and friendships.

Imagine what it would be like if you and your partner had agreement and alignment around money. In such a scenario you and your partner would have a financial plan and would be working on it as a team.

As a result of building a plan that matches your dreams as a couple, and taking actions that match the plan, you build greater intimacy with your partner. This sounds pretty good, right? So let's find out why this does not occur naturally with couples.

We will have to start even before the marriage or partnership officially begins. There you are, and the person of your dreams is next to you. All you have to do is think about this person and you get giddy.

Perhaps you have visions of the two of you sitting in a cozy beach cabana in an exotic country with people waiting on your every whim. Your drinks are sweating from the heat but they are cool to the touch.

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This is paradise, and this is how the rest of your relationship is going to be; you'll live off the land (read live off credit cards) and everything will be happiness ever after.

Well, that's not really how relationships work. Once you're together, instead of sharing the beach cabana you'll find yourselves having conversations about balancing the checkbook, 401(k) choices and spending habits, which will lead you to ask yourself, "How did I get from beach cabana to balancing check books and talking about 401(k)'s so fast?"

Fantasy and reality collide head on at the wedding ceremony (or the commitment ceremony). You spend $40,000 for a one-day event (that day you've always dreamed of) and expect to live happily ever after. Right? Hmmmm ... let's look at the reality here. There are at least four problems that you can expect to surface and get in the way of "Happily ever after."

Problem Number One: Unrealistic expectations. Relationships just don't work in real life the way they do in fantasy. If you are currently in a committed relationship, you already know that conversations about spending, balancing check books and money for the kids' college fund are far more likely to happen than conversations about exotic fantasy vacations. This first problem typically manifests as something like "This is not how I envisioned it."

Problem Number Two usually follows closely on the heels of problem number one: fighting about money. Couples rarely talk about their wants related to money and how they are going to support each other in fulfilling those wants because when they do, they fight.

They don't really want to fight, so they just stop talking about money. And there it is; the second problem manifests as "Don't talk about money unless we absolutely have to because we don't want to fight."

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Problem Number Two leads quite naturally to Problem Number Three: Thoughtless action or inaction. Since the couple doesn't talk about money they either do nothing about growing their wealth or they find themselves forced to do something to deal with the consequences of doing nothing.

In response to this feeling of not knowing what to do, but feeling that something must be done, the couple unwittingly buys a high-risk condo in Miami without doing the due diligence (read: fill in any rash bad investment choice), or the risk assessment or any type of research and assessment.

The "We must do something" can be as dangerous as "Let's do nothing because we don't know what to do." What often happens is that the action resulting from "We must do something" is ill-formed and does not fit the couple's risk or risk tolerance profile.

Because the couple feels something needs to be done, but can't talk about it, they do the "something" without first building a plan. In other words, their plan is no plan with a bunch of hope that it will all work out, and when the ill-formed action doesn't work out it only further supports their unconscious choice to do nothing, and it creates a vicious cycle.

This problem manifests as "We don't know what to do so we'll do nothing" and leads to the fourth problem.

Problem Number Four: Men and women handle stress differently. The male's approach is to solve issues linearly. Hit the problem head on and take care of it. A male will ask himself "How do I solve the problem?" And the emotional part of his brain shuts down so he can solve the problem.

When a female is under the same stress she says to herself "I want to talk out the problem, and I want my feelings about it to be heard." When a woman is under stress the speech part of her brain lights up AND, at the same time, the emotional part of her brain lights up.

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Men's brains handle problem solving and emotional management as two separate functions. Women's brains integrate them into one process.

Most men will define their value in terms of income or net worth. Most women will define their value by the quality of their relationships.

Most men will show and express their love by giving or doing something. Most women will show and express their love by talking or by giving support. (For more information, read Why Men Don't Listen and Women Can't Read Maps by Pease and Pease, 2000.)

Let's say a woman says to a man "We need more money." The man's reaction will most likely be to turn his emotions off and go into problem solving mode: I must work more, I must work harder, I must be more of a man, and he might even retaliate by saying to his wife "Well, you spend all our money. It's you who bought that $200 pair of shoes."

Suppose a husband makes the we need more money statement to his wife. Her reaction will most likely be something like "How will this situation change our relationship? Will I get to spend as much time with him? What will happen to our involvement with the community?"

Her brain will make her want to talk it through before even beginning to solve the problem. And the more the husband goes into problem solving mode the more the wife is going to want to talk, creating a loop in their conversation that could quickly lead to a fight.

This of course leads back to Problem Number Two: We fight about money, and since we don't want to fight we will stop talking about it.

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