My Husband Stopped Sleeping With Me: When Your Husband Stops Sleeping With You

If you are a woman living in a sexless marriage I am sure that you are trying to figure out why men don't want sex with their wives.

After all, men are supposed to have insatiable appetites for sex, right? So why on earth would a man refuse to be intimate with his wife-- especially when she's doing everything she can think of to spark his desire?

The truth is however, that even though we've all grown up being given the impression that men are lustful, sex-hungry animals, that really isn't exactly the case.

Men's sex drives, particularly when they're older than fifteen and in a serious relationship, is much more complex than just being hormone driven.

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There are a lot of factors that affect why men don't want sex, and they can range from work related stress, to exhaustion, and to side effects of medications they may be on. But even if those deterrents are there, a man who has a close and loving relationship with his wife will still be intimate and physically affectionate with her, even if sexual intercourse is a problem.

The fact is, that the main reason why men don't want to have sex with their wives is that something has come between them in their relationship.

Men are not just interested physically when it comes to sex. The emotional aspect of lovemaking is very powerful and important to them. Most men have graduated from the teenage "horny" stage where they want to hop in the sack with anything that wears a skirt and moves. Instead, they need to feel a strong emotional connection in order to be interested in making love.

The first step to fixing a sexless marriage and getting your husband interested in making love again is to figure out where in your marriage the two of you started to drift apart, and to work on coming closer emotionally.

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Why is it that we have no problem lounging around in our favorite sweatpants (with the hole in the knee) and our favorite threadbare T-shirt (with the rip in the sleeve) in front of our spouse/partner, but if our friends/co-workers were on the way over, we'd change into something "decent" in a quick hurry? Now I'm not suggesting we throw away our comfortable clothes (I love those sweatpants!), but I am suggesting we look at the curious differences between how hard we try to get most people to like us, and how many of us in long-term relationships have stopped trying that hard where our spouse/partner is concerned.

Part of the reason we might be comfortable "any old way" in front of our spouse/partner is due to that feeling of comfort we build after knowing that other person for a while, after feeling secure that they love us, "warts and all." That's a good thing, and should be celebrated. But let's look at another reason we may not care so much about putting our best foot forward for our mate: we don't feel we need to anymore.

Does your spouse/partner still like you?

When you were first dating, you weren't only aware of desire for that special someone-you were aware of whether or not you liked him/her (and whether those feelings of like were returned). Like is a grossly overlooked aspect of long-term romantic relationships, and the missing ingredient for many couples who report they've "fallen out of love" with their partners or that they love their mate, but are no longer "in love" with them.

You have no trouble making sure your friends like you and want to hang out with you. Now how about maintaining that for your most important relationship, your intimate relationship?

marriage alert: When you stop liking your spouse/partner

When a marriage/relationship becomes distressed, it can feel as if you still love your spouse or partner but that you're not "in love" with him/her any longer. I've observed a pattern for some of these couples that might be summarized as:

While I still may love you, I'm pretty sure I don't like you anymore."

Falling out of like with your spouse/partner can pose a significant challenge to your relationship. When you like someone, you want to be around that person and spend as much time as possible with him/her-and the opposite is true when you no longer like someone.

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Couples who no longer like one another:

1. Avoid each other whenever possible;
2. Experience more negative emotions when together;
3. Become less tolerant of each other's foibles;
4. Pull back emotionally and stop sharing the deepest parts of themselves with one another;
5. Can begin to feel trapped in the marriage or relationship.

Marriage advice: Commit to increasing your likability quotient

For many couples, continuing to act in ways that will keep like alive doesn't fall under the commitment umbrella. This should change: after all, don't you want your partner to continue to like you?

For a moment, think back to when you first starting dating your spouse/partner. In this "wooing" stage, you probably acted in ways to make your new love-interest like you (with the goal of capturing her/his love). You understood the importance and power of getting your partner to like you.

Marriage help: It's time to set up a Maintenance Likability Plan.

Your plan should be to keep the likability factor alive and well. This doesn't have to be a complicated, exhausting process. In fact, the simpler, the better. To create a personalized likability plan for your marriage or relationship, ask yourself the following:

What did you do early on in the relationship that helped you woo your partner?

What is your partner drawn to about you and does s/he still find these traits appealing? (If you're uncertain about this, ask him/her).

Reflect on these questions-your responses will give you important information that can guide you. For instance, if one of the things your partner was drawn to was your sense of humor (and over the years of domesticity, this has been lost), then you can take necessary steps to bring humor back into the relationship mix.

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When a couple breaks up two things can happen. Friends who had faith in their relationship will be saddened by the event and hope they can sort things out and get back together. The other scenario is that of people or so called friends who are secretly happy that they ended their relationship, as they were jealous of it. They may even have played a part in the couples demise.

This is not uncommon as jealousy among friends can cause a lot of problems. It may be these disgruntled friends are not in a relationship so envy the friend who is. Or perhaps even worst still they fancy their chances with their best friends partner.

Nasty as it all sounds have you not witnessed this kind of jealousy in your own circle of friends? Some people have not felt the knife in their backs as they have walked away from a good relationship because of something a friend has said only to find them dating their ex weeks later.

That saying "You need to have eyes in the back of your head" has a bundle of truth to it. I have personally witnessed this in my own life, as have many others.

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If a friend comes to you and tries to convince you to dump your boyfriend or girlfriend take a step back and study their motives. Jealousy is a powerful but negative emotion that has a history of wreaking havoc through the ages. It can turn seemingly nice people into absolute monsters in a split second and if they are capable of vengeance start running now.

So when a friend is acting differently around you and your partner ask them straight out if they are jealous. They may deny it but they probably are. When you have spent a lot of time with friends without being attached it is hard when the inevitable happens. A friend may feel left out and retaliate by trying to ruin your relationship. If this does happen talk to your partner and explain what has happened. They may be mad at the friend but make it clear it is your job to sort it out. Then talk to your friend and let them know you are still there for them and that they will meet someone soon as well.

This jealousy thing is very destructive and I can guarantee there are a lot of relationships that have been ruined by it. In some people it can be an uncontrollable emotion and the outcome disastrous. If you see any signs of this in the people around you try to work it out before people get hurt because when love and jealousy combine it can be like a bomb going off.

Couples can love one another and yet find themselves drifting apart and headed for a divorce. There are steps you can take, with or without the aid of your spouse to get your marriage back into the loving place it once was.

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This article isn't so much about understanding men than it is about understanding how humans work in general. If you grasp the concepts and principles of this article completely, then not only will you be able to get your man chasing you even after he's married, you'll also get more respect at work, from your family and from your friends.

Ever heard of the saying, "a watched pot never boils?" This is one of those things that apply to that saying. If you've been desperately trying to get a guy's attention, it won't happen. If you look back at my earlier articles, you're basically doing all the demanding and the guy just isn't coming up with the supply.

Despite our significantly lower emotional intelligence, we guys are human and we, as well as everyone else around us, can sense desperation from a mile away.

It's not the end of the world if you can't get us initially. Remember that relationships are long-term. Simply trying to "get a guy" is a short term mindset goal. It's important to make small but consistent "emotional deposits" into the guy's account before you try to take anything out.

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Just don't deposit anything of too high a value too early. Also, don't keep making deposits if the man isn't giving you equal deposits in return. That's when it doesn't pay off.

Even if a guy suddenly hooks up with a girl, it doesn't matter. If you've been consistent with your interest in him, he's not suddenly going to forget about your friendship. You're going to be that one person there that he can turn to, that he respects.

There's also one huge benefit of not being desperate and that's increasing your own self-respect. You appear more desirable to men in general, which is going to make more guys compete for your attention, which might in turn get the attention of the guy you want.

Remember, understanding men and understanding people aren't that different at all. We are human, after all. What we would want is what any normal human being would want. If you limit yourself or make reaching or attaining you difficult, that makes us want you more. Forget us, it makes everyone want you more.

The more you try, the harder it is to attain and while you might attain it eventually, it tends to come at a cost where you come off as being desperate. We men want you to value yourself. If you don't value yourself, we can never value you as wife. If we can't do that, then try as hard as we might, we can't love you either.

Now Listen Carefully-

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Author's Bio: 

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Divorce does not have to be your only option. Even if it feels as though your relationship can't be saved because of the ongoing conflicts between you and your spouse, it can be. There are techniques that you can begin using today that will not only stop a divorce, but will help also you build a stronger and more loving marriage.

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