My Husband Takes Me For Granted And Doesn't Really Appreciate Me: Feeling Taken For Granted In Marriage

Can you clearly see that your man is starting to take you for granted and you are feeling completely hopeless? Would you like things to change but don't really know what to do?

Before I give you any more lessons...Here is what you need to realize first - If your man has started to take you for granted then it's not really his fault! Shocked? Well don't be.

You would be surprised to know that the reason why he is treating you this way is because of your current actions around him.

At this you might say - It's still his fault. Why does it all have to be so unfair? How can I even be at fault here when he is the one ignoring me?

Do you know that the meaning of insanity is doing the same things over and over again expecting different results?

I am sure you have had one of two thoughts -

1- I think something is wrong with him. He has no right to take me for granted. He needs to change his ways.

Or

2- I think I am doing something wrong which is making him take me for granted. I must do something about it.

The women in the first category are the one's who are doing the same thing over and over again feeling that it's not their fault and that the man should change.

If you really want things to change then you need to alter your ways. Here are some useful tips which will help you along the way...

Possible reason #1 - Your level of interest in him is more than his level of interest in you...

Understand the equation here? When you like him more than he likes you then it creates this imbalance. Since he isn't as invested in you as you are into him...His side is heavier.

He knows that he is in control of the relationship as he can clearly see that you are completely into him. A relationship is joyful only when both the partners are equally invested into each other.

A relationship only works well when both the partners are making equal efforts. When one has to make more efforts the other one automatically gets the power. And consequently when one gets the power he starts to take the other partner for granted.

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How to tackle this -

The best and the only good way to tackle this; is to stop being too invested in him. You should stop hanging out with him all the time. Don't let him give you the average treatment. Make it absolutely clear to him that you deserve more than that and you aren't settling for less.

Possible reason #2 - You have become too boring aka predictable...

Do you always stick to a certain routine around him? Does he almost know what your daily routine is? Do you always call him 3 times a day at fixed intervals?

If this is your case then you need to change all this right away. Predictability is a direct killer of attraction and when there is no attraction he will definitely take you for granted.

Possible reason #3 - You are a "YES" person...

Do you always agree with your husband just to keep him happy? Are you scared of disagreeing because you feel that he might get disappointed and consequently like you less?

Does he always get to decide where you two will go, what you guys will do for the day, and where you will eat etc?

If this is the case then you have gently handed the "power to control you" over to your husband. You have indirectly told your husband that you are okay with whatever he wants to do and you will never disagree with him even when you want to.

You see if your man is taking you for granted for this reason then it's not his fault. It's your fault! You have given him the permission to treat you like this.

Points to remember -

- Don't invest into him too much unless he has already invested a great deal into you. Imbalance in this department can lead to a lot of frustration.

- Don't be an open book and let him completely figure you out. A bit of mystery will always help in keeping the relationship alive.

- Don't change yourself to match his preferences. Stick to your own opinion and point of views even if he disagrees with them. Learn to be your own person. What's the point of gaining him when you have to lose yourself for it?

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Is the fun, light-hearted side of your relationship missing? Do things feel dull and blah between you and your partner? Do you have more fun with people other than your spouse? Have things felt this way for a while? It's likely that things were dramatically different at the beginning of your relationship: it used to be fun. You used to love being together, touching, talking and kissing. You used to play and laugh with each other. But, not recently. You don't know where that side of your spouse went. Come to think of it, you don't know where that side of YOU went!

And as much as you may not feel like laughing when things are this dull and distant, humor can really help your relationship.

* When was the last time you kidded around with your partner?

* When was the last time you shared an inside joke?

* When was the last time you were both bent over in hysterical laughter?

There is tremendous value in bringing that fun, humor-filled attitude back into your life. Humor connects people. Sharing jokes between you brings you closer and helps bond you. In addition, laughter helps us to see our lives more clearly. Sometimes we need a reminder that BOTH difficulty and joy exist in our relationships. It can be challenging to keep joy and playfulness in your heart when your relationship is going through difficulties. Remember though, that your relationship does have joy and goodness even in the midst of hard times. Life offers us plenty of moments of quirkiness, ironies,and absurdities.

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Start by laughing at yourself. As humans, we make plenty of mistakes. There are so many idiosyncracratic things about each of us. Keep in mind that I'm not talking about self-deprecating humor; humor in which we put ourselves down. Instead, imagine that you can see yourself from another angle: a funny, jovial or playful way of seeing yourself.

Joke, laugh, and have fun with your partner. Be aware, though, that joking with your partner can be tricky. It's a slippery slope to mocking and shaming. Teasing can easily turn to ridicule. We might try to excuse it away by saying, "It's only a joke!" or "Can't you take a joke?" However, some teasing is really criticism deeply disguised, so you have to be mindful about how your partner might feel. The goal here is to use humor to bring you and your partner closer to each other, not an opportunity to put your partner down. You don't want to create more resentment and distance.

Find something neutral to introduce the humor back into your relationship. Laugh together at things you both find funny. It could be:

* the silly things your kids do and say

* a hilarious show or movie

* a comedian whose humor you both like

* something absurd that happened at work

* a funny website

* your pet's curiosity and reactions to things

* playing with your kids and your pets

Bringing laughter back into your lives can help change the tone of your relationship.

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No one likes for the faults to be displayed or called out in public. Your spouse is no different. Criticizing your spouse in public will not help in saving your marriage.

Reality is there is not anything that justifies criticizing your partner in public. It a deed seems serious enough to need attention immediately it probably is of a nature it should be handled in private anyway.

Airing problems in public is the fastest road to take for marriage destruction. Do not travel that road and if you are on it I highly suggest you take a detour immediately. Beware there is danger ahead.

We are not talking about constructive criticism we are talking about criticizing in a destructive manner. A word of caution is deserved here that any type of criticism should be careful thought about before giving it in public. You want to allow your partner to save face at all cost.

Some partners say critical things to their marriage partner they would have never thought about saying before marriage. I do not believe the marriage license or even the marriage vows gave permission for one partner to embarrass the other in any way.

Some partners feel there spouse is a goo sport and can take it! Shame on them for thinking that way! The partner is simply showing a forgiving spirit but over time they probably will build up resentment and bitterness for the crude treatment. Danger ahead signs are flashing loudly here.

Be careful not to always be pointing out the faults of the other partner. Remember everyone has faults and your faults do not look smaller by pointing out your partner's faults. In fact often times being critical just makes your faults appear bigger.

Saving your marriage by giving honor rather than criticism in public will have a lasting benefit and actually gives a good reflection for you.

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If you and your partner are having difficulty seeing eye to eye, you can find a solution to the cause of the problems by seeking out marriage help online. Before you start asking for guidance over the internet, it is important to be aware of exactly how the information that is provided can be used and whether or not it would be relevant.

First of all, you should realize that by seeking out relationship assistance over the net, the advice that is provided to you will be completely objective. If you are searching for words to back up your point of view, you may end up disappointed. Unlike the advice given by friends and relatives, marriage assistance will not be in any way biased. It can be useful to let an outsider pass on their opinions and thoughts on your relationship, as they should be able to view the situation from a different angle.

One of the best advantages of using the internet for relationship counselling is that you can do so anonymously. This would not be the case if you were to visit a professional counsellor in person. When marital problems arise, it is often better to keep your concerns confidential as otherwise the situation can become worse.

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As many of us now have extremely busy lives, it can be difficult finding the time to seek aid with a troubled relationship. Marriage help online is available around the clock, this is a huge plus point as you can discuss your concerns with a trained professional at a time that is convenient to you. You would not have to leave work early or step out of the house at an unusual time.

For many couples, the problems that exist come down to money. If you were to make an appointment at a marriage guidance clinic, the fees that are charged may place an even greater strain on your relationship. The advice given over the Internet is most often free of charge. Of course, there are also paid services available through the net, but these do not have to be considered unless the situation has become extreme.

Another positive aspect of using marriage help online to find help and guidance for your relationship is that you can be provided assistance from a number of different sources. There are various portals through which experts are available. The more knowledge you are given, the better chance there would be of achieving a happy outcome.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

Author's Bio: 

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