My Husband Treats Me With No Respect: My Husband Treats Me Like Child - Why Doesn't My Husband Treat Me Or His Children With Love

The question of making your spouse respect you may look surprising on the face of it, since what anyone expects from their spouse is only love. So, where does respect come in a marital relationship?

To understand the concept of respect between marriage partners, you need to look at other relationships. Didn't your parents expect you to respect them? They wouldn't have thought 'What if my son/ daughter respects me?

He/she loves me so much.' Respect is an acceptance of control in a relationship. While in the parent-child relationship, the parent is superior (at least in the early stages!), in the relationship between the spouses, siblings etc, there is always a need for mutual respect. The husband respects the wife and the wife respects the husband.

This simply means that one accepts the other exercising control over oneself at least in certain areas. For instance, a woman cannot advise her husband on his health unless she commands some respect from him.

In a marital relationship, it sometimes happens that one spouse stops respecting the other. A husband who doesn't respect his wife will ask her to mind her business if she advises him even on something that is of interest to both. Such a reaction may occur even in the normal course when a person is in not in a good mood or loses the balance due to dome emotional issues. But when it becomes a normal reaction, it indicates that one partner has no respect for the other.

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How will you handle such a situation and win over the respect that is due to you?

1) First of all, be clear about the situation. Don't jump to conclusions based on one or two instances of your spouse walking over you. As I said earlier, this may be a temporary problem caused by your spouse's mental agitation. Look for patterns. If the pattern confirms the trend of your spouse refusing to treat you with the respect and consideration that you deserve, then you can decide that you should act.

2) Give them hints. You can make indirect references of your spouse seeking your opinion and considering it in the past. Do it without complaining. This will make your spouse aware that they are being unjust to you. They will also know that you have observed the change and have been unhappy about it. In many cases, this realization will provoke them into speaking out their minds. If they are angry or unhappy with you, they will talk about it. This will give you an opportunity to resolve the issue.

3) Confront them. If the hints are not taken, then it is time for direct action. Confront them with the issue. Don't lament. Tell them that you are hurt but assert your rights. You are not asking for their sympathy but asking them to recognize your role as their life partner. When you bring up the issue, your spouse will be forced to reveal their minds thereby giving you a chance to understand the problem. Once you know what the problem is, you will have to think of an appropriate solution to restore your relationship.

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You find yourself estranged, unable to communicate, no longer attracted to one another. You know things should be different, you realize it is your responsibility to do something about it, and yet, when you try to gather your forces, something is missing - your motivation.

What are supposed to fight for: the routine enslaving you for the last couple of years, the fact that your spouse no longer finds pleasure in staying by your side and making you feel loved and appreciated or the numerous bad things that were said between the two of you?

You would rather walk away or simply let things follow their course and see where they take you, would you not? You are not the only one unable to see that things could be so much better.

Just think about it! You love each other, you trust each other, you know each other better than anyone else does. You've lived so many great moments together and you have accomplished so much, that happiness should flow into you hearts just hearing the other's voice or catching a glimpse of the other.

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You still cannot see or remember the good things? What about the times when you were sick? what about your first dates, what about the occasions when one of you was in trouble and the other would have cut the earth in two just to help out? These things must count for something, don't you think.

So you lost your way to one another, but that does not mean you cannot find it again and save the marriage. just talk openly for once, without shouting, without blaming one another, without making reproaches.

Remember the good times, look into your souls to find the love you still have for one another and agree to start everything all over again. No one says it is going to be easy, but you can always support each other and every time you lose your way you can go back to the beginning.

In the end, love should be the only motivation you need, because, when it is shared, it has the power to bring love, understanding, trust and commitment with it. So stop looking at the things that caused you to lose your way and focus on those that brought the two of you together in the first place.

Perhaps they are well hidden, but they are certainly there, and, once you discover them, nothing will prevent you to save the marriage.

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The question of whether separation can save a marriage has been asked for many, many years. Everyone seems to have his or her own answer for it. Separation is a major decision to be made between two people who love each other dearly. The only decision that looms larger is whether or not to seek a divorce. Separation is like any other situation confronted in marriage; its value is determined by the approach.

The most powerful maintenance for a marriage is preventive. Couples need to take preventive measures to ensure that their marital situation never reaches the point of separation in the first place. It all begins with taking your marriage vows seriously. Those vows should not be taken lightly. They were created out of love and honor. However, marriage is not a perfected institution and situations do arise that must be approached openly and thoughtfully.

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The question is not simply can separation save marriage but do you really want it too. Separation can be effective if it is approached appropriately. If separation is nothing more than a trial run for a divorce then it is doomed from its birth. If separation is an excuse to see other people and engage in infidelity then it serves no positive purpose. However, if it is implemented as a way to provide needed space to reevaluate those secret vows and used to develop a solution to the problem then it can be applauded.

Does separation save marriage? In some cases it does. If the couple utilizes the separation as a period to explore their thoughts and feelings it can be productive. Sometimes the separation only supports the idea of a permanent termination to the bond. Separation and divorce should always be the last options. If you feel that your marriage is worth saving then you should make every effort to communicate your feelings to your spouse. Seek counseling, seek advice, and leave no option unexplored that could result in a successful union.

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One of the healthiest devices known in the field of counselling is the concept of naming what is going on in the room. As I was reminded recently, one way of looking at this is to imagine each phenomenon as the game. There is incredible value in naming a game.

Naming without Shaming

For instance, sometimes it is abuse that needs to be named, and if we can name the game early, locate it and put it on the table, it can be discussed as an object; it can be discussed without apportioning direct blame; it can be discussed in a safe way; it can be discussed in a way that does not frighten off a person engaging in abuse who cannot yet contemplate what they are doing. What beckons isn't immediately threatening. The person engaging in potential abuse, it is hoped, can meet the concepts without feeling accused.

It is the accusation itself that amplifies the threat.

The power of naming the game is we take its power away.

Before we move on from the concept of abuse, it must also be acknowledged that many people who engage in abuse will refuse to see it as abuse. But every person in therapy must be given the opportunity to face the therapist's teaching and decide for themselves. Those given to being abusers ought, like everyone, to be given the opportunity to repent. God's miraculous grace is not beyond the abuser. But repentance (a change of mind that leads to a change in behaviour) is required.

Counselling Friends

Another game that can be named is the pure fact that a process of therapy can and often does involve a complex process and a convoluted bunch of emotions.

Sometimes in churches we are required to counsel our friends, but our friends ought to be given the opportunity of knowing that the game can change friendships.

Indeed, for the pastor and counsellor it is wise to recognise that every relationship is vulnerable to disruption, even destruction, when it is exposed to the truth of the therapeutic process.

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It's remarkable how many relationships do change when licence is needed and given in the gentle though firm interrogation of relational dynamics to arrest toxic patterns and to breathe life into marriages and other family dynamics.

The power in naming the game is we give licence for people to opt in to or out of the process having been forewarned.

Sometimes it is a pastor or counsellor's job to put at risk the personal relationship they enjoy with the person to improve a family relationship that person has - "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends," it says in John 15:13.

It is in the identification of issues that gives people command over truth.

The power of naming the game is we take its power away.

Citing cause for Encouragement

One of the great opportunities in working with a pastor or counsellor is the likelihood that they will identify something (and perhaps more than one thing) to encourage. Given that most people burn out because of a discouragement, not having been noticed or acknowledged or praised or valued, even having been rejected or left out, the role of encouragement cannot be understated.

And yet those who are in helping professions have the uncanny knack of identifying niches of brilliance in those they come to know.

This runs counter to the above two points, whereby the power in naming the game - the strength or performance of someone as yet unnoticed - is power not taken away, but a power for truth through the identification of the game.

Now Listen Carefully-

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Divorce does not have to be your only option. Even if it feels as though your relationship can't be saved because of the ongoing conflicts between you and your spouse, it can be. There are techniques that you can begin using today that will not only stop a divorce, but will help also you build a stronger and more loving marriage.

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