My Husband Wants Me Out Of The House After Misunderstanding: My Husband Wants Me To Leave The House

My husband wants a divorce and I don't. If you're a woman who has felt or said this recently, you're facing a very difficult situation. It's hard enough to make a marriage work when both partners are giving it all they can. When one decides they want out, it seems that the relationship is doomed. It doesn't have to be. If you're a woman who desperately loves her husband and he's told you that he wants to either separate or seek a divorce, don't give up all hope. If you're not ready to end your marriage, don't. Instead take some proactive steps to reconnect with your spouse and win his love back now before it's too late.

If your husband wants a divorce and you don't you have to take some time to consider whether his desire to leave is based on one single event or whether it's tied to ongoing problems in your marriage. Sometimes a person will say they want to end a relationship because they are simply trying to hurt their partner. If you and your spouse have been struggling with a conflict recently and you can't seem to find a resolution that works for both of you, that just may be the reason why he wants out. He may believe it's easier to walk away than try and work the issue out. You need to sit down with him and find a compromise that is acceptable to both of you. That may mean giving in more on your side but when your marriage is at stake, it's well worth it.

You also need to accept that your husband may actually need some time away from you during this period and that you should give it to him. If he suggests that a separation may be helpful to you both, don't panic. If you become too emotional he won't necessarily take that as a sign that you love him deeply. He may label you as desperate and emotionally unstable. A wife who begs her husband to stay with her may actually be pushing him farther away because he'll feel justified in his desire to leave. If you do this your husband may decide that you're not emotionally mature enough to handle marriage and he'll not only leave but will file for divorce soon after. Talk reasonably with him about it and if he's determined to leave, let him. This can actually work in your favor because many men who leave their homes temporarily realize how empty and alone they feel without their wife and they come crawling back asking for forgiveness.

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Were you mindful during your last "dumb" fight?

Were you aware of the trigger that got you or your partner fired up and ready to "rumble?" What was happening inside your body? Did your breathing become shallow? Was your heart beating faster? Were you telling yourself that your partner was "too much something" or "not enough something?" Were these thoughts only accelerating your upset? How did you behave? Did your actions move you towards or away from your partner?

My guess is that during the conflict, you had no idea what was going on because your right brain, your emotional brain, was in control.

Let me give you a mini-lesson in neurobiology. Your brain has two hemispheres, a right and a left. The left brain, is the seat of your cognition and reason. The right brain is your emotional brain and it operates unconsciously. Your emotional mind will react 10 times more quickly than your logical mind. This makes recognizing and regulating conflict very tricky.

Our brains have been hard wired to give emotion the upper hand. The emotional mind is the seat of our survival instinct. When it perceives a threat, it revs up and takes off as if it was being chased by a sabre-toothed tiger. Your first reaction to an event will always be an emotional one. You have no control over this part. You do have control over how you respond to the emotion... as long as you are emotionally aware.

Love can turn to fury in half the time it takes to blink an eye. When we get out of sync with our partner, it will feel emotionally threatening if you cannot turn around and quickly reconnect. And, reconnection in the heat of emotion is difficult.

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Research in the field of emotional intelligence estimates that two thirds of us are emotionally "unintelligent." We are not conscious enough to recognize what we are feeling. If we cannot recognize, regulate, and reveal our emotions to our partner, we are probably going to have emotionally unintelligent (dumb) fights.

* Dumb fights occur when couples don't RECOGNIZE what they're really fighting about.

* Dumb fights occur when couples have trouble REGULATING their emotions - instead they either avoid and stuff, or blow up like a hand grenade.

* Dumb fights occur when couples have difficulty REVEALING their needs for closeness, understanding, soothing, validation, and support.

* Dumb fights occur when we pay no attention to tone, facial expressions, and body language - the language of our emotional "minds".

* Dumb fights occur when we react defensively rather than RESPOND consciously and compassionately.

* Dumb fights occur when we get get disconnected with our partner and have difficulty with RE-SYNCING.

Recently, I had a client tell me the story of her latest dumb fight. She kept repeating, "I watched myself going crazy but I couldn't stop it!"

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She was taken aback when I told her, "If you could watch yourself acting crazy, you have the power to calm yourself down." Learning to shift from the emotional mind to the observing mind is the essence of being mindful, the key to slowing down dumb fights.

Being mindful is paying attention "on purpose." Mindfulness is "noticing your mind's business (thought and feeling) and not getting all tangled up in them."

Close your eyes, and simply notice what your mind does. Stay on the lookout for any thoughts or images, as if you're a wildlife photographer, waiting for an exotic animal to appear from the undergrowth. If no thoughts or images appear, keep watching; sooner or later one will.

Notice where your thoughts seem to be located: out in front of you, above you, behind you, to one side of you, or within you.

Notice that one part of you is thinking while another part is observing that thinking.

There are your thoughts. And there's you observing them.

Practicing a formal mindfulness exercise (like watching your breath) 20 minutes a day can save you probably 20+ years of pain. When you practice mindfulness, you can more quickly shift to your "observing mind" when you find yourself in an agitated state. The observing can notice the upset but then decide to pause, breathe, take a break. The observing you can resist the urge to do things or say things that push your partner further away. more harm.

The observing you has the presence of mind to ask "What does the "we" need now?"

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Reconciliation after a breakup in marriage is often looked at by some couples as going and coming back from heaven. The reason isn't far-fetched. It bothers most on who will stoop down for the other. It is expected the woman should, but where this result seems inevitable due to the cause of the breakup and who defaulted: husband or wife? Then, you only need to remember the two greatest healing ointments to any relationship - "please I am sorry," followed by "forgiveness." Once you encounter a breakup in your relationship do not think your marriage is over, irreparable or irreconcilable. The only way out is to rethink. There is need to sit back and have a rethink. In the process, you must remember some lovely moments you shared together. In this, lies the reason to apply the two greatest healing ointments: "please I am sorry," followed by "forgiveness."

Reconciliation after a breakup in marriage, is as simple as "A.B.C." If your marriage is at the verge of breaking up already, or you are already experiencing a breakup, I advise you to take these steps:

Step 1: Accept your wrongs first.

Step 2: Forgive yourself, also determine to forgive your partner, and forgive indeed.

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Step 3: Approach your partner, with a sincere heart for reconciliation. Show him or her a practical affection, either by hugging and kissing.

Step 4: Apply the two greatest healing ointments "please I am sorry " followed by "forgiveness" In all honesty, this is one subject that cannot be over emphasized.

Step 5: Reconcile every of your differences and become inseparable on the same spot where the healing ointments were applied. Then continue where you stopped in your mutual relationship before the break up.

Once you achieve the five steps above, then, it is time to give no room to procrastination in fulfilling your marital obligations which is the very basis of your marital relationship, to re-enact your love for one another. I advice that you allow your communication link to take full effect immediately, because delay could be very dangerous. Furthermore, take a step forward to show your partner that you still believe in him or her, and that you know he or she will be able to do the right thing onwards. Then, remove every form of grudges, and accept your partner with happiness and joy. Remind your partner also, that your love for him or her remains un-tampered and will remain so till death part you. Moreover, let your partner know that you have truly forgiven. From this point of reconciliation onward, never get tired of showing love and appreciation to your better-half. Thus you reconcile after a breakup in your marriage. And remain an inseparable one.

Do you want to reawaken a committed and loving relationship in your marriage? There are proven steps that are amazingly powerful that will help you overcome conflicts and breathe life back into your marriage. This is a plan you do not want to pass by. Click here to see the proven steps on how to save your marriage.

Sparking the flaming your marriage can almost seem like it is impossible once you get to a certain point. Many people are ready to call it quits and leave their significant other because they are just bored in the marriage. People want some excitement in their lives and when you are married for a long period of time, usually forget what you once enjoyed doing together. Many times you quit doing everything you enjoy it all together. We are going to discuss three things you can do it instantly to spark your marriage back up right away.

Usually after 10 or 20 years of marriage, people become bored with one another. They fall into a rut doing the same routine each and every day of their lives. Being married is not about falling into a rut, it is about each party making sure they do not get into a rut in the first place. This may sound very simple, but in order not to be bored you have to plan for excitement. There is no way around this. Start planning to do exciting things each and every day with your significant other, no matter how small.

Many people stopped courting their significant others after a long period of marriage. When you were dating, you started opening and closing the doors for your partner. After 15 years of marriage, you generally don't open and close your spouse's door anymore. Both partners usually become equally responsible for not wanting to accept responsibility of courtship. Many women feel they should not have to initiate courtship, while the man usually wants to be stubborn in doing so. This only leads to more boredom and unhappiness. Courtship is a responsibility both parties must partake in. It is not a game of tug and war to see who will win. Do not keep account of who did what and start initiating courtship, with no expectation of return.

Last, you need to start laughing once again with your spouse. Go online and watch some of your favorite comedy clips from stand up comedians or your favorite movies. Read the comics section of the newspaper to your husband or wife. Laughing is an essential part of life for man and woman. It creates a romantic bond between partners and should be done every day. You must find something to laugh about each morning you wake up. If you spend enough time laughing in the morning, this will help set a context for a wonderful day to come.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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There are specific techniques that will show you exactly what to do and what to say to get your spouse back in your arms- Especially if you are the only one trying... Visit Save The Marriage to find out more.

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