My Husband Wants Me To Move Out: Do I Fight For My Marriage Or Let Him Go - Here's What You Should Do

Are you fighting for your marriage? In this article we are going to talk about how to put up a fight to save your marriage.

If you are fighting to save your marriage there are going to be a few reasons that you are doing this. Most people will think that the only reason someone could be fighting for a marriage to be saved is because of love. This is not always true. Sometimes people just want to save their marriage simply because they do not want the hassle of financial difficulty of a divorce. Whatever your reason is these tips that I share with you below are going to help you reach your goal of keeping your marriage together.

If you really want to keep fighting for your marriage it is important that you throw away stubborn pride. People with pride rarely ever are able to get back together and be happy. Proud people are not going to be able to give a truthful apology. A fake apology is not going to do anything but push you further apart since almost anyone can tell when someone is not genuinely sorry. Do not just go through the motions. It is extremely important that you take a step back and get your pride in check.

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Just because you shouldn't be proud does not mean that you should be a door mat however. I can remember many times when I tried to save my marriage and "do the right thing". My partner was not interested and they showed it quite openly. I really left myself open for a lot of pain and suffering because I kept begging them to come back and to love me. You need to make sure that you keep a healthy balance. You should have self esteem that allows you to value yourself as a person and love yourself. If you do not have this then how can someone else love you? You must learn to enjoy yourself before anyone else will want to be around you.

One of the best ways to learn to keep a healthy balance is to rediscover yourself. You need to remember who you were before you got married. Did you used to be fun and out going and now you are withdrawn? Maybe it is the other way around, you could have been quiet and thoughtful and now you are loud and you want to go out all of the time. These simple changes could have cause a great divide in the relationship. I am sure that they did not expect you to change so greatly when you got married. I am not saying that you should change back to the way that you were before you got married but you need to make sure that you are not being inconsiderate of your mates feelings. This is easy to do since we as humans have been taught to look out for "number one". You should make sure that you take care of yourself and figure out who you really are and not how the years have formed you. Do you really even enjoy the changes that have taken place in yourself? Maybe you are just as miserable with them as your partner is.

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If your marriage in so much trouble that you have thought that divorce is your only option? It is not, but you need to know how to have it and know that you are not alone in attempting to fix it. If you want to make the marriage work, you can, no matter the severity of the situation. In order to save your relationship, you need to build on your communication skills.

Talking to each other is one of the most important ways to make certain you both are on the same page, in terms of everything within your relationship, like the children and house. This is the reason why seeing a marriage counselor is typically so successful because they force the husband and wife to talk to each other. There are some easy ways that you can talk to your spouse without seeing a counselor for advice.

Try to find out more about your husband or wife. What do they like to do, where would they go if they had unlimited resources, and other questions like this. That way, you know more about them and they feel that you care because you are listening to them. If your spouse has changed something that you would consider small, like a hair color change, or redecorating the house and you do not mention it, they will feel that you do not care about them. Ignoring what they did will make another problem that you could easily avoid by paying attention to them. Notice the small things that they do because it is usually for you and vocally appreciate it.

Making time for each other, like a date night, is another excellent method of creating a means to communicate with each other. This also helps rekindle the flame in your marriage while allowing you both time to relax and come up with ways to fix some of the issues that you face as a couple at home.

Statistically, most marriages become stale and dull with the birth of the first baby. This does not have to happen to you. Although newborns up to the age of 2 need quite a bit of attention from you, you should not allow that to make you forget about your spouse. That is what nap time is for. Creating a harmonious balance between the child who needs you and the partner who wants you is essential to make certain that you are not pushing your spouse away.

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The idea of getting married is to fulfill that childhood fantasy that grows with us all the way into adulthood. 'And they lived happily ever after'. That was the idea when you got married I'm sure but now it's all gone. You are looking for ways on how to be happy in a bad marriage.

What you need to know is you are now looking for a solution and not the cause. So it would be wise not to point fingers. You could identify the cause but not apportion the blame. Marriage is really not a happily ever after story. Marriages involve meeting hurdles and challenges and being able get past them and move on.

If you want to know how to be a happy in a bad marriage, the first thing you both need to do is agree on one thing. That there is a problem; it needs to be solved and you are both willing to solve it. If you try to solve a marriage crisis without the involvement of your spouse you will always come out drawing the short end of the stick.

Think about the happiness that you once shared. You are still the same couple, what could have possibly gone so wrong that you cannot put that warmth back into your relationship. Remember a plant starts growing as soon as it feels a little warmth. It's the little things that matter.

Maybe you feel your spouse is now at a point where you cannot even communicate. When you try to address the problem do they become cold and evasive? Your marriage can go back to what it was or even get better. With a little help and encouragement on how you can be happy in a bad marriage; you will be amazed at the things you can turn around.

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A good marriage is one that positively changes over time. When a marriage expands the horizons of both spouses and creates a lasting bond of love and family, the benefits last for generations. However, when a marriage, over the years, leads to constant bickering, resentment, anger, hurt and, on the part of one or both spouses, a loss of a sense of self, it's time to evaluate if the marriage is worth maintaining.

Divorced individuals often say that they knew the marriage was over years before they ever filed for divorce. There are those who will hear that response and question "So why did you stay? If you knew it was over, why not end the relationship right there and move on?" Sounds easy enough, right? Wrong.

While far too many people jump into marriage without careful consideration, far more married individuals stay stuck in an unhappy marriage out of worry, fear, doubt and, yes, hope. The biggest questions a person who's unhappily married will ask him or herself is this "Can this marriage be saved if I give it more time? Have I really tried and done everything to make this work?"

Those two questions keep some people in marriages that eventually rebuild but, far too often, keeps many others in marriages that will never reconcile. The important thing is to be able to tell the difference so a person knows which marriage he or she is in and doesn't waste time.

How can you tell if your unhappy marriage is a passing phase or if it's an incurable condition? Ask yourself three important questions:

Question #1- What are you fighting about?
Rocky marriages are filled with all sorts of internal struggles. Whether a war of words or a battle of silence, it's important to pinpoint the three to four key topics that form the core of your marital problems. Once you can identify them, you'll clearly see whether you're fighting about issues or causes.

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If you're fighting about issues, you're having confrontations about values, ideals, situations and lifestyle choices that directly impact your quality of life within the marriage. An example of an issue is eating healthy and exercising. If you are a person who believes in buying organic food and belonging to a gym where you go five to six times a week to exercise and your spouse engages you in arguments over why you're spending too much money on food and why you won't quit the gym, you've got an issue not to mention a serious lifestyle incompatibility. This is not something that you turn a blind eye to. If prolonged, this kind of arguing can lead to deep resentment where the room for compromise is little to none.

You don't "sort of" eat organic; you do or you don't. Going to the gym is a lifestyle choice and many people prefer it to exercising at home, especially if home is full of distraction. Again, not much room for compromise. In this scenario, it makes no sense to be fighting over actions and activities that improve your overall health. If you're fighting over an issue, it's something that MUST get resolved or "unhappily married" will quickly become "swiftly divorced."

If, however, you are fighting for a cause, the opportunities for reconciliation are bigger. Causes are those topics we argue about "just because." Most people like to be right. It feels good to be right. All married individuals know their spouse's hot button topics, the words you can say that will make his or her blood boil. When you're fighting about causes, you're fighting to be right. It's almost always a circular argument where nobody wins. It begins with "I want" and usually ends with "It doesn't matter why. I want it."

Here's an example of a cause:

You like laundry done and folded in one lump sum. You don't like to sort clothes, take a break, wash and dry and then pile the dry clothes on the folding table and let them sit for a few hours and then come back and finish them. You like to get it done in one sitting. Your spouse, on the other hand, doesn't care and does laundry with breaks and it drives you up the wall.

When you fight about anything, you always come back to "I want you to handle your business, finish what you start... like with the laundry... because that's how I want things to be run."

Are you laughing yet? Seriously, is this really why you're arguing, over whether laundry is done quick, fast and in a hurry?

That's a cause and causes wreck marriages everyday because they get blown out of proportion and get turned into personal attacks. It does not have to be so. If you are arguing causes, your unhappy marriage is very much a choice you're making and the good news is that you have every ability to choose differently.

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Question #2- Where has the relationship been going?
Marriages travel in one of two directions: 1) circular or 2) staggered climb.

Let me explain the difference:

A circular marriage is one that is built on, affected by and challenged with the same patterns of behavior, issues and perspectives over and over again. it's a cycle of arguments, discussions, resolutions, and problems that lead no where and, instead, go round and round in circles. When your marriage is circular, you take two steps forward and two steps back. You resolve an issue and, six months later, you're fighting about the same issue. You feel stuck and, because the marriage isn't growing and becoming more, you truly are stuck. Circular marriages usually wind up in divorce court.

The other traveling direction for a marriage is what I call a staggered climb. In this marriage, you start out with one purpose: to get to the mountain top. Both people bring their baggage, pack food and water, and embark upon the journey together. There are ups and downs, highs and lows, breaks in between and obstacles to overcome. When you get to the mountain top, you realize this is only the first mountain and there are many more to climb but you hang in there because the goal of doing this journey together is the highest priority. That is a marriage with staying power. Even setbacks, in this marriage, spring the two people forward.

Question #3:Why are you holding on?
There's a payoff in everything. In an unhappy marriage, you're choosing to stay for one of two reasons:
1) Fear of failure- People stay in unhappy marriages because of the stigma they attach to "failing at marriage", living alone, not keeping the vows, or not "getting it right." Don't mistake fear of failure for loyalty or commitment. To know if you're staying in this marriage out of a fear of failure, all you have to do is ask one question, "If I knew I couldn't fail, would I leave this marriage?' The answer comes quickly.

2) Commitment to Success- If you like who you are with your spouse, if you're proud of what you've built together, if you can find the good in the relationship, even when it feels really bad, you are holding on because you know this marriage can work and you're committed to seeing it work because it truly is the best relationship you could build on right now. Yes, you could go elsewhere and begin again and be just fine but this is the marriage you want to work in the long run and that's why you hold on.

Asking yourself these three questions will make it very clear to you if your unhappy marriage is temporary or here to stay. Respond to the questions openly and honestly and the answer will be clear.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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