My Husband Would Rather Play Golf Than Spend Time With Me: How Much Time Should Married Couples Spend Together

What does it really mean when a husband doesn't spend time with his wife? Does it signal the end of marriage? How serious is it? What can you do to turn this situation around? I will do my best to address these questions, so please read on...

Meaning #1: He doesn't understand the importance of spending time together with you.

When a husband doesn't spend time with his wife, one reason could be that he is totally unaware of how important spending time with his wife is - to sustain a happy marriage. No matter how much modern society has changed, nurturing a relationship is still largely a woman's job because men just aren't equipped with the skills of "how to have great relationships".

While building close relationships with others comes naturally to women, men tend to be at a loss. So don't assume your husband understands your need to spend quality time together. He might think it's more important that he work hard at his career to provide for the family. In fact, according to his standards, he may even think that he's spending enough time with you. If this is the case, your solution could be to ask him sweetly "Can we please go out for dinner together on Friday?" Give your husband specific instructions and see if he's willing to make time for you.

Meaning #2: He's trying to sort things out by himself (by retreating to his "man-cave").

Sometimes, one just needs peace and quiet to think. Men like to solve problems by themselves because asking others for help can feel like a sign of weakness to them. So, if your husband is spending even less time with you than usual, it could be that he is worrying about something and needs time alone to sort things out.

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Ask your husband if anything is bothering him and tell him that you are willing to listen. If he opens up, please keep very quiet and only listen. Don't give advice. Don't add in comments. Just keep your mouth shut and listen. When he stops, say "Tell me more" and be silent. Don't try to solve his problems for him unless he asks you to. Always ask for his permission before you give advice.

But what if he doesn't open up and share? Then leave him alone and when he comes to you, give him a big smile and tell him you've missed him. If this still doesn't work, try writing him a letter to tell him how you feel.

Meaning #3: You need to focus on bringing fun back into your relationship.

The best way to encourage your husband to spend more time with you is to make interactions with you fun. Don't just stick to your boring old routine; don't pile all your family issues on him the minute you see him. Focus on always doing something fun and exciting first! Help him to associate pleasure with your company.

I know it's hard to cheer up and be light and fun when you're feeling stressed about your marriage. However, dwelling on things and being depressed and angry about it won't serve your goal of attracting your husband to spend more time with you.

Too often, we get caught up with the responsibilities and mundane tasks of married life, that we don't give ourselves enough time to have fun. Smile more; laugh more; become more like the charming, fun woman your husband married and you just might succeed at kissing the worries of "husband doesn't spend time with wife" goodbye!

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Many times after only a few months of marriage, many people want out of the relationship. The divorce rate is higher than it ever has been before. People truly do not understand the definition of love. Many people think of love as something you feel and experience that is unintentional and uncontrollable. Real love is actually the exact opposite. Love is something you intentionally do on a daily basis for the person you have committed your life to. There is one thing you can do that will dramatically increase your chances of success in marriage. Do not get married until you have followed this one rule. It can literally make all the difference in the world.

A good rule of thumb is to date for two years before you decide to get married to anyone. When you first meet someone, the emotions are running high and you are excited. You start to feel something you haven't felt in a long time. Those emotions going through your brain translate into words. The thinking part of your brain is always trying to translate what is going on in other areas of the brain. These chemicals that are running through cause thoughts such as, I am so in love with him or her, I have never felt this way before, this is my soul mate, or I am so happy with this person and want to spend the rest of my lives with them.

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If you spend two years dating a person, you will get to go through all of the emotions you are supposed to. All of the ups and downs will be experienced in you will be able to truly determine if this is the person for you. Once the honeymoon period of the relationship wears off, this is when you truly start to see the other individual as a person and not your infamous lover. This is a critical and crucial part of establishing a successful relationship for the future.

Waiting this two-year period could perhaps be the most important decision you ever made in your life. You could save much headache and heartache for the other person, as well as yourself, if you are not meant to be together. Saying I do and getting married is a big step and commitment in life. It is not one you want to take lightly and break away from in only a few short years.

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Marriage is much more than the usual fun, heavy food and new clothes that people usually attach it with. All the fun lasts for a few days and while people enjoy, the bride and the groom start getting ready for an entirely new phase in their life.

The new phase unfurls an uncharted territory where neither them really know what would be coming. Often it is seen even in love marriages that the way a husband and wife treat each other is entirely different from the way they used to earlier.

However, the casual relationship that lovers usually share turns into a much more responsible and delicate relationship the very moment they tie the knot. They have to start living together 24 hours a day and learn to accept each other. Often misunderstandings creep up in the early days of marriage due to lack of communication. But what is this communication? And how important is commitment in married life?

Well, communication in literal sense means sending and receiving a message. No communication is complete unless the listener is able to comprehend what the speaker is saying. Well, that might sound a little complicated. Let's uncomplicate this issue. Women and men have different ways of looking at things and therefore when a wife says 'I am tired', her husband says, 'let's get a new maid or just leave it and relax'. Well, can you believe it that the wife just means to say 'I need your appreciation and love and affection.' Different sentences can mean different things and spouses fail to make out the meaning because of a communication gap.

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A husband and wife take pledges to stay with each other forever, care for each other and love each other when they get married. However, it is equally important to talk to each other, tell what you like or dislike or what you thought could be done in a better way and appreciate everything that your spouse does for you. Be open and frank with your spouse since you are going to spend the rest of your life with this particular person, so there's no reason to hide anything.

Commitment, just like communication is equally important. A commitment in marriage is the promise that you make during the 'pheras', by taking rounds around the sacred fire and promising gods and everyone witness to your marriage that no matter what happens, you'll not let the invisible string of marriage between you and your partner break. You must never forget this commitment and believe this that getting away or breaking a relationship over small or big issues is very easy but extremely difficult to cope with when you have separated from a loved one, someone like your wife. You must stay committed to your relationship just as you would stay committed to yourself and your passions in life. Never allow bad words or even the thought of letting go of this relationship, even when you are trying to resolve a major issue or involved in an argument with your spouse.

The crux of all this is that you must be committed to communicate and communicate to remain committed. Don't let small misunderstandings grow into monsters that threaten your relationship just because either of you decided to let the other one apologise and speak up first.

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Your therapist probably does NOT have a degree in wizardry. Marriage counselors have extensive training. They have knowledge and they have skills. However, the solutions to your relationship problems require your ACTIVE participation.

When you take the big step to consult with a relationship professional, you should be prepared to do some work to make the counseling succeed.

I have ten recommendation about how you can get involved in the therapy so that your time is most productive:

1. Write down key insights during the session and journal about it later. Many clients have "aha" moments and then proceed to forget about the insights for the rest of the week. Process the session with your partner. One hour a week is not enough time to repair damage or initiate change.

2. Ask yourself "Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy." This is really important. If you are coming to therapy in order for an arbitrator to determine who is "right", forget it.. Couples counseling is about circular patterns of perception, emotion, and behavior between two parties. In other words, there is no "right" Just different. So prepare yourself and keep an open mind to new ideas, positions, points of view.

3. Make a regular commitment to an appointment time for therapy. In order for change to happen, you must schedule your appointments with enough frequency that you build a "change momentum." Couples should try to schedule an appointment every week for at least the first 3 - 5 session. If change is going to happen, it will be sooner verses later. Couples' counseling should feel a bit intense and difficult.

4. Don't withhold information. Don't avoid. Don't sugarcoat. Don't hide. Your counselor can't help you if you are not being 100% authentic. And, don't agree to do something, if you don't think you will. Most couples have shredded their trust prior to coming in. Make sure words and actions are congruent, both in and out of session.

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5. Change is in the "doing." Don't just talk about change in the session. Leave the appointment with an action step, or two. Don't wait for your partner, change starts with YOU.

6. Think about the "we", rather than the "me." Most couples arrive to their first appointment entrenched in some "me verses you" impasse. Thinking about your relationship as having 3 entities - the me, the you, and the we - helps reframe the problem. Solutions can be found when you explore "what does the "we" need now?" Problems are usually not "partner" problems as much as they are "connection" problems.

7. Prepare for the session. Ask yourself beforehand, "what do you want to get from the appointment." Do not feel like you need to be passive and wait for the therapist to lead the appointment. Participate, talk, think, ask questions, be there ACTIVELY.

8. Turn off your cell phones. The phones are an unnecessary distraction. You can take 1 hour to be emotionally present... put down the "smart phone."

9. Don't get too discouraged too quickly. Think of counseling as a process, not just an outcome. There are different steps in the process. The gathering information step, the uncovering step, the emotional processing step, the learning steps. On the other hand, if change is going to happen, research says the change will happen within the first 3 - 5 visits.

10. Stop waiting for the right kind of relationship. Be the right kind of partner. Trying to change each other will keep you stuck. Couples therapy isn't about changing your spouse. The work to be done will be on yourself; your partner will have their work, but you aren't responsible for theirs.

The bottom line is this - couples counseling is not about confirming blame. It is about each of you learning how to become the best partner you can be!

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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