My In Laws Are Ruining My Marriage: When In Laws Affect Your Marriage

In law problems are real. They can be very nasty, and, if not dealt with, can be very destructive. The meddling into your business, caustic remarks, and unpleasantness of being around them can put a tremendous stress on your marriage and on your sanity. Avoiding the situation because you can not think of a suitable solution to it only makes it worse. The longer your in laws are permitted to do the things they do, the more they will interfere and try to have the final say in things.

So, how do you fix things up? In this article I'm going to present to you 3 ways to deal with your in law problems.

1. Ban using the word "if". Although it is easy to ponder and wonder "what if", when dealing with in law problems, this does not solve anything with your present situation. To entertain thoughts such as "If my mother in law would only find something to keep herself occupied." Or, "If we would only have enough money to move to another state." aren't too helpful. These type of statements don't help you to find a solution to anything, they only make you dwell on how bad things are right now. Your mind will not think of the right course of action to take if you are filling up your thoughts with fantasies.

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2. Stop dreaming. We don't live in the land of Oz where just wishing for things makes them happen. In our world, hoping and dreaming is only helpful when it is coupled with concrete actions. Dreaming on it's own it is not an end unto itself. It is good to inspire you, to motivate you and to help you finish a task. However, to solve problems, you must take ACTION.

3. Do something, anything. Have you ever heard about the butterfly effect? (The fluttering of a butterfly's wings in China can effect climate changes on the other side of the planet.) Simply put it means that a little action can turn into something huge. Pick a small thing to do to make your relationship with your in laws better and look how things evolve.

In law problems are not something just to laugh at. They can be very destructive and costly.

If you are experiencing some right now, don't just sit back and dream about how things could be.

Take action on those thoughts and follow your plan through, starting with the little things.

If you can not think of ways to make it better, visit your library and look for resources in the self help section, go online and find a support group, ask for help on yahoo questions and answers.

There is a lot of help available for those who take action and work towards making their situation with their in laws better.

You are not alone and fixing your in law problems can be done if you only take the time and care to do it.

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Although getting into a new marriage doesn't carry the same level of risk as getting into a new business, the statistics are still pretty scary; you almost want to call them "sad-istics." Yet, what choice do we have but to get married and raise a family in spite of other people's past experiences? We are driven to do so. Our biology, our psychology and even our sociology prods and pushes us; then we find the right partner and nothing can stop us. People need guidelines for a happy marriage.

If you think about it you might wonder why no attention is put on the subject matter of relationships and marriage in school. After all, not everyone needs algebra to get along in life but everyone needs to understand relationships in order to have a fulfilling marriage. Statistics are blind but they're not dumb; they're shouting at the top of their lungs a message of caution and a suggestion to learn.

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Everyone has the ability to learn what it takes to have a happy and fulfilling marriage for the rest of their life. Nobody needs to set sail on the ocean of uncertainty filled with all sorts of dangers. When you don't know how to sail, even the tiniest wind can set you off course. On the other hand when you have studied and understand the construction of your marriage and the threatening elements that can upset your marriage you will know exactly what to do; the stormiest seas will become mere zephyrs.

You and your future soul mate deserve to have the happiest marriage ever. You are divine children set in a fragrant garden filled with fruits of love and harmony. Remember the following 4 points in order to live in joy:

1) Marriage is not meant to be hard. Learn the rules and know the tools so you are not doing the equivalent of using a hairbrush for a hammer.
2) You are marrying the most important person in your life. Treat them better than you would the President of country.
3) Marriage is where you learn to love unconditionally; always improve your efforts.
4) "Fools argue, wise persons discuss." Never argue with your spouse.

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Marriage is one of the happiest happenings in our lives, and marriage creates one the greatest impact in shaping the destiny of an individual. Yes, marriage is sweet, yet it is complex and can create the saddest memorable moments in our lives, if things go wrong.

This is true because marriage is a union of not only two individuals from two different upbringings, cultures, and with different personalities. It requires adapting your essence to that of your partner. It involves a day by day devotion if it is to survive the challenges of life, especially at times when couples have to go out and work to help their family meet up with the challenges of providing bare necessities at home.

But hardly would you find couples working in the same place, at the same time. For many career couples the workplace is not just where they contend with making their professional skills stay ahead of economic and environmental challenges, they must strive to fend off flirtatious advances from the opposite sex.

Most of the time, the workplace is where people look their best. They were the best of their attire - designer suits, fancy ties, pencil skirts, make-ups, imported handbags, and other accessories to keep up with the tempo. They also put up their best attitude. Surely everyone wants to look polished and likeable at the office.

And truly, most couples or people in relationships find or meet themselves during the 8-5 working hours, when their partners look the greatest. If I may ask you, did you meet your partner or got attracted to him/her at night time, or on a Saturday when there are just straight from the bed? I guess not!

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This is why for those who are looking for a spouse, the working hours is perhaps the best finding (or if you like hunting) time. But for the married, the 8-5 time possess a lot of challenges or perhaps dangers. Take a woman for instance - she looks very pretty; works all day away from her partner, perhaps in the midst of the opposite; and when it's time for lunch, she sits at the table with other colleagues - including males - at the canteen.

On the average, career people spend the best of their time in the midst of that "secret admirer" at the office or workplace than with their spouse. We rush home tired, straight to the kitchen and bathroom; catch up with emails and friends on social networks, take dinner and recline into bed with an equally tired spouse perhaps with similar experience at the office.

This daily routine creates avenues for temptations and sexual harassment. As a career person, it is your responsibility to keep your head in spite of these challenges that may arise. It is your responsibility to keep your marriage strong and alive in spite of whatever arrow of enticement that may be thrown at you.

Yes, it is true that your wedding day vow was of remarkable significance; but it is your daily commitment to your marriage alive that matters. It is your determination to keep those vows renewed and kept afresh on a daily basis that will help you stave-off any temptation. This determination is shown in the way we regard each other as a couple and in our commitment to stay devoted to our partner in our dealings with other people.

Here are a few tips to ward off temptations and harassment:

1. Close Every Opening - Defend Yourself:

Some 'crazy' and perhaps perverted person at the office may be teasing you and making advances. Yes, he/she is crazy! But your greatest defense to drive away such intrusion and temptation is to ensure there is no vacuum in your to be filled by any strange partner. In other words, maintaining a rewarding and enjoyable marriage which satisfies the sexual needs of both you and your spouse is key to fighting the lure of going into an affair.

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If you and your spouse are missing something in your sex and romance life, please go light the candles again and ignite a fresh fire. Note that, when a woman is on fire for her spouse, no other fire can quench her love.

A wife who is happy and sexually satisfied is known gait in her. This is why the Bible says, 'The heart of her husband trust in her confidently and relies on and believes in her securely, so that he has no lack of (honest) gain or need of (dishonest) spoil: (Proverbs 31:11, AMP)

2. Stop Any Form of Intimacy With The Opposite Sex:

Yielding to sexual temptations that leads to infidelity does not come over night. There is always a beginning. And it usually starts from the moment when a married person starts sharing intimate personal issues repeatedly with a colleague of the opposite sex, instead of confiding in their own spouses.

That "nice" listening ear which is ever open to you could soon become a shoulder to lean on, and a bosom to lie on. People are bound to make mistake and feelings of intimacy and emotions are sometimes uncontrollable.

Without mincing words, any intimate association with the opposite sex is an extremely dangerous risk. Besides, it denies your spouse and marriage useful devotion; concentrated attention, time, energy and perhaps sincerity.

Please note that, if you have developed feelings of loneliness, rejection or anger towards your spouse whereas you are ever excited about seeing the "nice" person you constantly confide in, then your fall is approaching. Therefore flee!

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3. Be Open With Your Spouse About Your Sexual Desire:

The cause of failure many career marriages is simply poor communication between spouses. Many people assume their partner's sex needs would be the same as theirs. But this is always wrong. Don't always expect your spouse to think like you or expect him/her to always know what the other wants without first opening up.

This is wrong and dangerous. It makes one vulnerable to temptation.

When one partner's sex needs are not met or they feel they don't get enough of attention, yet the other spouse thinks everything is great and pays no pay attention, the needy partner may easily be lured by someone at the workplace.

Rather than seek support from somebody outside your marriage, which will inevitably lead to infidelity, sit your spouse down and talk with them heart-to-heart. Tell them what you need and how you want. At least you are married.

An unhappy sex life is at home makes a married person more open to temptations and sexual advances from others. This is an unfortunate reality which couples must accept. It is therefore imperative that spouses create quality time for romance and sex, and they must be open to communicate and share their sexual needs to their partners.

4. Define And Set Boundaries To Other Relationships:

An effective way to avoid flirtatious advances at the workplace and avoid unnecessary exposure to sexual temptation and harassment is to define what limits you could expose yourselves to as career spouses.

I recommend as a rule, an essential limit should be to avoid going to lunch or dinner alone with a colleague or associate of the opposite sex. Consuming alcoholic drinks or stimulating foods when your spouse is not present should be completely avoided under any circumstance.

Note that, what you consider as just a meal at lunch time could mean more to your colleague of the opposite sex. This is why seemingly insignificant everyday situations such business trips, official dinners, business parties, field work with team members at the office and other workplace setting are potential opportunities for temptations.

The best precaution would be to avoid any compromising situations that may encourage temptations even if not intended. Don't worry about what your colleagues may think about your boundaries. It is better to let them know it is your choice and that you and your partner are devoted to keeping your marriage safe.

Besides, is it not better and easier to have these boundaries than contending with a spouse that is suspicious of you? A broken relationship at work is not the same as a broken home. Be wise!

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5. Report Advances And Threats To Your Spouse From The Onset:

A lot of people are not strong enough to face intimidation or sexual harassment especially if it comes from a boss or someone who wields authority over them.

With the emergence of new trends in information technology and the use of Internet and smartphones, a lot of sexual harassment now takes place online and via social media. This is called cyber-stalking or cyber-harassment. Here the person been harassed is sent sexually explicit or suggestive messages, photos or videos to either intimidate them or manipulate them to act in a certain way.

If you are ever in this situation, don't face the challenge alone. If you feel you are threatened by anyone at the workplace, let each other know because such situation could go in a direction which you may not be to handle.

Talking with your spouse about ways to protect your marriage and keeping it strong will help you gain strength and confidence to say no to any prowler. It will help you bolt your heart from amorous and sexual advances. It will keep you safe in case blackmail arises when you say "no" to the strange fellow.

It will also build trust in your home. Remember, trust is that thread which binds marriages together.

I guess by now you should know that marriage is not a bed of roses neither is it sweet romance all the way. Issues will always arise to threaten the peace in your home. But with forbearance and commitment, you would always overcome.

Yes, there are indeed several ways to resolve marital issues, and yielding to sexual temptations is certainly not one of them. If you let yourself fall for the prodding of a strange partner because of lack of attention or commitment from your spouse, that shows too you are not committed to your marriage.

Don't give-in to temptation. Stand up and fight!

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