My Marriage Is Making Me Miserable: My Marriage Is Making Me Depressed

There are three things that are essential to the success of any relationship:

1. Love

2. Attraction

3. Trust

For the purpose of this article, we will focus on the attraction part of a relationship.

Attraction is where every relationship starts. It is often confused with love because it is much more of the warm, fuzzy emotion that people look for in their love relations. But attraction represents all the things that you like. Perhaps you like the way she walked, the way he looks, the way she introduced herself, the way he gives you security, the way her hair sweeps across her face, the way his eyes soften when he sees you, or whatever it may be.

This attraction isn't love, but it is a powerful force and all relationships begin right here. They also have a nasty habit of ending right here. Too many marriages that I counsel have lost that attraction to one another. They no longer see what they once saw; they no longer retain the interest they once did. They don't feel attracted anymore.

Unfortunately, this is very common. When you were first getting to know each other, you purposely looked for things that you had in common. You wanted to find things that pulled you together. You talked, you dreamed together, you discussed history, you explored each other's likes and dislikes, and you tried new things together. These things helped you stay attracted to each other. You put your best foot forward.

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But now you're married. Now you claim you don't have time for that nonsense anymore. Now you don't have time to talk, or explore each other's feelings. Now you find yourself attracted to someone else.

Don't let that happen. You need to rekindle the flame of attraction in your marriage. To do this, you must revert back to when you were first getting to know each other.

Here's a profound thought: whatever it was that first pulled you to each other will also be the same things that keep you together. Here are some ideas:

1. Have some sort of date each week. Spend time alone with your spouse. You used to find reasons and excuses to spend time together, do so again.

2. Do new things together. Find out if there are new things that you would like to do together. When you share common interests and then explore those interests together, you rekindle the attraction.

3. Talk. This is essential. When you first sought to get to know each other you talked. Now you struggle talking. You need to take time and talk. Learn to communicate. This is essential!

4. Keep an air of decorum and mystique about you. That was attractive when you first met, keep it so now that you are married.

5. Build or create something together and dedicate it to the other. When both of you have a vested interest in something that you both made and have given to the other, that will rebuild attraction. My wife recently wrote a song for me. She dedicated it to me, gave it to me so to speak, and I found that incredibly attractive.

Keep the flame in your marriage alive.

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We should share everything with our spouse shouldn't we; every thought, every desire, every want and every fantasy? We have heard it said over and over again that our spouse is our other half and that we should share everything with them but is that really true? Are there words (or ideas) that should be forbidden in all spousal communication? If such words exist what are they?

1. Marrying you was a mistake. You may think this occasionally when your spouse does some incomprehensibly stupid thing but never, ever say it. When you say it you are letting them know that you cannot be fully committed to them since your marriage is a mistake. And what do we do with mistakes? We correct them. So they begin to understand that you are looking out for another partner so that you can correct this mistake.

2. You are not the kind of spouse that I dreamt of. Granted no one can live up to your imagination or idealistic dreams but unless you then add "you are so much better that I ever dream t or imagined" then you are telling your spouse that they are somehow less than what you always wanted. This is forbidden because you are telling your spouse that when you married them you settled for less than what you wanted. And who would be motivated to be a great spouse by that? Won't they instead stop putting in any effort since they clearly cannot please you as they are not what you wanted?

3. I should have married my ex. Why are you telling your spouse this? If you want to hurt them and let them know that there is someone else you would rather be with them then you are doing a great job. If you are living in the past hungering for your ex then how can your marriage survive?

4. My ex was better than you. Then why did you not marry your ex? This is forbidden since you are not with your ex and even if they were better than your spouse in some things it doesn't help you or your marriage to say this. So they were better that your what? How does this motivate your spouse to work at your marriage?

What if your spouse don't love you anymore? Here's how to get them addicted to you like when you fell in love for the first time

5. You are not as good as...! Comparing your spouse negatively with anybody else (even a parent) is forbidden in all spousal communication. No one thrives by being compared unfavorably against another as that only breeds resentment in your spouse or makes them feel like a lesser person. A sure way to marital unhappiness for both of you.

6. I can divorce you at any time. Yes you can but do you want to open that door? This is forbidden because you are making light of your commitment to your spouse. Divorce should not be something you banter or hold over your spouse as it does not inspire confidence in you or your marriage. If you make divorce sound as easy as changing clothes then your spouse cannot invest fully into it since they know you can leave anytime. Who wants to give their all to something that can end any time?

7. You are an idiot. They may have done an idiotic deed but they are not the deed. Separate your spouse from their deeds. If you really think about it an idiot is actually someone who is lacking in mental capacity so that they are incapable of rational that your spouse? Is all their behavior irrational and therefore untrustworthy? If yes than why did you give yourself permission to marry them in the first place?

8. You are not a real man or woman. This is forbidden because of its hurt value. When you tell your spouse that they are not a real man or woman then you question their person-hood or who they are. You let them know that they are lacking in some attributes and so they are somehow less than all other men or women. What kind of outcome do you expect to get from this?

These 8 things are totally forbidden if you are serious about your marriage and want it to be a place of fulfillment and growth for both of you. Words hurt and many of us use them as weapons against our spouses to demean and hurt them. Learn to use your words to build up your spouse and your marriage. They say that the power of life or death in your marriage is in your tongue. Use your tongue to give life to your marriage and not death.

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Every marriage hits a rough patch now and then, but if yours seems like there is just no love on your husband's part then you need to find the answer to "Can I make my husband love me again?"

The first thing I want to mention is the possibility that your husband does still love you but is not doing such a hot job of showing it. Has he told you he does not love you, or has he been extraordinarily preoccupied with other problems at his job or in life?

There can be negative ramifications to approaching the problem of not feeling loved the wrong way. Your husband may be offended or driven away if you treat him like he does not love you, when he just is not showing it. The proper approach, that we will discuss here, has an excellent chance of working either way.

When you ask "can I make my husband love me again" you are offering an active approach on your part to win back his love. Are you ready for the work? Some of this may hurt a bit or be uncomfortable at times. The result, though, should be worth it when you again feel his love for you like you did before.

Tip #1: See yourself from his viewpoint. We all have a tendency to seem perfect, or close to, in our own eyes, but usually look quite different from our spouse's perspective.

Try to understand what is going on in his life to see what external factors may be affecting the marriage. This can be stress factors at work, or even a situation where he is surrounded by young, attractive women who look up to him and maybe even flirt with him.

Then think about how you may have changed since you last felt his love for you was strong. Are you more preoccupied with your job, kids or friends? Do you show him the attention you used to?

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Tip #2: Analyze your own issues. With the information you determined from the first tip, are there changes you need to be making in your life before you are ready to mention any of this to him?

Are there ways you can treat him more like you did when you first fell in love and that you know will ignite a response in him?

Tip #3: Discuss the problem with your husband. You can begin by asking him if there is something bothering him or if there is some reason that he seems to be unhappy. Mention that it seems the unhappiness is directed, at least in part, at you and the marriage and ask if you have done something to cause this.

Reassure him that you are still in love with him, care for him and that his happiness is important to you. Then give him a chance to talk, hopefully he will. He may even tell you that he is still in love with you, or maybe not.

If he does not respond then let him know, in a gentle manner, that you just do not feel the love he once had toward you. Most husbands would become very concerned after a discussion like this.

Tip #4: Give him time to let this discussion sink in and understand everything you said. Do not demand a response from him immediately, let him mull it over.

In the meantime, treat him specially, like you used to. Make his favorite meals, do not nag about the "honey-do" list that may not be tended to very well. Continue to treat him with love and respect and give him a chance to respond.

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MARATHONS are excruciating affairs of endurance.

The athlete is inspired to register their entry, they do so, and then they devote many hours in the preparation. They prepare mentally, physically, emotionally, and maybe even spiritually. Their wellbeing is under constant surveillance, for the journey is too long to allow a single compromise. Their diet is strictly controlled and days out from the event there is the careful portioning of protein and carbohydrate - not to mention the supplements they choose to take as extra insurance. There is, perhaps, a difficulty in sleeping as race time draws near, and fatigue may be the unwanted nemesis. With the starting line in view, and the starter's gun fired, she is off!

The race has begun.

Marriage is no race, but for reaching the finishing line - "til death do us part" - intact.

The marathon runner is pacing herself as she strides the opening miles at good, though reserved, pace. The course is known and there is due execution of the plan that has been carefully designed and prayed over.

With marriage, of course, the course is unknown. Many unknown mountains need to be climbed, not to mention the valleys to be endured. The early going sees much excitement - and maybe some trouble - but nothing like what we will experience as the race winds on through the lonely chicanes. Depending on how we feel, we might settle in for some balanced and triumphant miles. But, sooner or later, the drudgery will affect us mentally, and that's where we need to stay sharp. Such drudgery is an inside job - and we need to say, "Get behind me, Satan!"

What do I really need to do to make my spouse love me again? Is it possible to build massive attraction in my spouse?

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The marathon runner, likewise, has temptations to quit. The course is harder than she imagined, and there's the unexpected encounter with shin splints - a pain that feels like an explosion in the leg every time each foot lands. There's no blood, but there are tears and lots of them, and the grimacing face is the sign of a will being tested to its bitter extremes. As she keeps putting one foot in front of the other, there is the nagging thought of giving up that gnaws away at her. But she cannot. Not just yet, anyway.

Similarly, the marriage suffers upsets and some of them seem impossible to get through - certainly as they are experienced in bristling momentousness of hurt. But there is hope if we can keep striding by addressing this 'injury' on the run. So long as we think laterally, we can stay in the running. And then some marriages become a DNF - did not finish. The injury was too great. The runner(s) gave in to the gargantuan pressure. But the marriage where communication and compromise are regularly met and re-invented is the marriage that endures to the end.

And so it is.

If marriage can embrace the dark valleys and the arduous high mountain climbs it can enjoy the terrific massif vistas that beckon at life's end.

A marriage enjoyed sets itself apart as the thesis of life that God called it to be.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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