My Mother In Law Hates Me For No Reason: Mother In Law Pretends To Like Me When She Doesn't

As the old jokes and sitcoms tell it, one of the biggest problems in every marriage is the interference of the bride's mother-in-law. These historically-nasty women plague their new daughters, because they hate giving their sons to some bimbo, and they feel that they can still take better care of their sons than the young wives can. It's the reverse situation of that in the sitcom, "Bewitched", in which Samantha's mother pulled all kinds of tricks on her son-in-law in addition to belittling him any time she got the opportunity. Fortunately, few marriages receive this much mother-in-law interference, but the problem can still arise. When it does, you need to know what you're looking at and come up with ways to diffuse a potentially-difficult situation.

It's true that a mother-in-law can be an antagonist when it comes to sharing her precious son with another woman. One way she can do that is by treating her daughter-in-law as if she doesn't exist and isn't even in the room. It may be that she's just being nervous around this new person in her life and her own new role in her son's life, and if your husband is paying more attention to her than to you, it might just be his years of caring about his mother's feelings that are coming into play. Give him, and her, the benefit of the doubt. There has always been a relationship between the two of them, and there always will be, and most men just plain aren't good at finding themselves caught between two women.

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Never expect your new mother-in-law to accept you immediately into the bosom of her family. Many of them are more likely to make you feel like an outsider and no part of the family at all. Just don't allow yourself to get sucked into the game. Be courteous and give her time. Don't try to forge a strong bond that really isn't even there yet. Let her get to know you, and most likely she'll have a change of heart someday. If not, console yourself with the fact that she won't always be in your lives and that eventually you will have your husband all to yourself.

Some mothers-in-laws seem to take it for granted that their sons are still going to come at their beck and call. This can really hurt you, but try not to let your feelings get the best of you. Your new married relationship is different for everyone involved, and it's going to take some time for all of you to get used to the altered arrangement. You and your mother-in-law can have a civil relationship as long as you take her behavior in stride. Realize that you aren't unique in situations such as this. It happens all the time, and it's just a part of married life.

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It is not prudent to expect that your marriage should be as they show in fairytales about living happily ever after. Marriage is a long term relationship which demands sharing of responsibilities rather than having romance alone. There is lot of difference between marriage and a love affair. Marriage is about responsibilities, whereas a love relationship is mostly about romance and an imaginary perfect world where lovers dream to live forever. Marriage involves going through thick and thin together.

When couples truly love each other, they take care of each other and share mutual respect. However, this does not mean that they will no difference. In fact, a successful marriage is about excepting each others varying opinions and feelings and learning to get along with each other.

It would be stupid and immature to expect our spouse to be perfect in all or any aspect of life. He or she is a human like us and is bound to make mistakes. Sometimes, your partner may also hurt your feelings but this does not mean that he/she does not love you. Your partner experiences various moods like all people in which he/she may sometimes also do things that you not like or even detest. If you want your marriage to be successful you will have to learn to overlook certain shortcomings on your spouse.

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Some people also think that their marriage is waning if the romantic element in their relationship fades with time. This is not true. Your spouse may not act romantic with time since he/ she fall into higher responsibilities of working, managing house or looking after kids. Owing to these family pressures, he/ she may not show as much romance as if during the earlier years of your marriage.

Marriage is a relationship which requires patience, forbearance and acceptance. Most marriages fail because people fail to accept each other's shortcomings. They expect their partners to be superman or superwoman who fulfill all their expectations which are rather only possible in utopia.

You need to consider your marriage as an institution where you and your partner learn to share responsibilities and accept each other the way you two are. Whether it is about job, career, kids or cooking, you need to do everything with mutual consultation, respecting each others preferences, liking and disliking.

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How do you keep the passion burning even after you've said "I do"?

Marriage should be a happy time for a couple. You've survived the rigors of dating and courtship. Now it's time to reap the rewards and spend a pleasant life together.

But many couples find marriage to be a difficult adjustment to make. There's a "honeymoon" phase, and then life settles into a routine. Husbands and wives start to irk one another. The passion of the early marriage starts to fade away.

Can this be stopped? Of course it can. With some work and communication, two people who love each other can continue to love being married to each other forever. As women, there are certain things we can avoid, things that are instant turn offs to men in marriage. Here are five.

1. Complaining, nagging, and criticizing.

This is always at the top of the list in surveys of married men when asked what their wives do that bothers them. As much as he loves you, he wants to be his own man, too. And let's face it, no one, male or female, likes being picked at.

Of course, we don't usually see our gentle reminders not to leave his socks on the floor as "picking." If he would just DO it, we wouldn't have to keep mentioning it. But to him, it sounds like you're harping, nagging about the same thing over and over again. And it drives him crazy.

So what to do?

Men's minds are analytical. They like to solve problems. So make your suggestions in the form of solutions rather than complaints. Instead of saying, "I hate it when you leave your socks on the floor," say, "It will be much easier for me to do laundry if your socks are in the hamper instead of on the floor, sweetie." See?

The first was a complaint; the second was a solution. Surely he can't fail to see the logic in it, and if he forgets after that, you'll know it's an honest forgetting, not laziness or spite. And since you love him, you can forgive that.

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2. Trying to control him.

This goes along with #1. Men like to be independent. They like their buddies, they like their football games, they like their poker nights with the guys. But you like him to be home with you. Who's right?

This is one where you may have to make some compromises. There's no reason he shouldn't be allowed to hang out with his friends and do whatever it is those guys do when they get together -- provided he's still being a good husband and father too, of course. If he's out EVERY night with the guys, then maybe there's a problem.

But if it's once a week or so, and he has a fun time, then what's the harm? It's selfish to insist he stay home with you all the time.

To compensate for it, you can arrange activities for just the two of you that go beyond just staying home and having a normal dull evening. Make sure the weekends are full of couples-only activities, or plan specific "date nights" once a week. That way, you can make sure you're getting a special evening with him at least as often as his friends get one.

3. Withholding sex out of anger or spite.

Your husband shouldn't expect you to have sex whenever and wherever he wants to. If he's a typical man, he wants to have sex more or less constantly, so it's not really feasible. But he shouldn't have to contend with you using sex as a weapon against him, either.

Sex is the most intimate part of a relationship, and some consider it the most sacred. Either partner using it as a way of controlling or hurting the other one cheapens it. If you're angry with your husband, talk to him about it, calmly and rationally. Don't withhold sex and then make him guess why. Those kinds of games are beneath you.

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4. Letting your emotions control your thinking.

It's a scientific fact that men solve problems analytically while women solve problems emotionally. It's also a fact that that difference is what drives both genders the craziest.

Still, that doesn't mean you should let your emotions dictate everything you say or do. It doesn't make any sense to refuse to go to a party with him tonight because he failed to notice you got your haircut earlier today.

That's emotion talking. When you feel yourself getting emotional, that's fine -- you're a woman; emotions are part of who you are. The trick is to avoid making decisions when you're in that state. Wait till you've calmed down again and become your normal self.

5. Letting yourself go physically.

This is a touchy subject because it usually happens to both spouses. You're both so busy with work, home and the kids that you stop exercising and get out of shape. But it's men who are more likely to complain about it.

One solution is to make it a joint effort. As you notice yourself slipping into poor eating habits and zero exercise, talk to your husband. Suggest the two of you take up jogging together, or go for walks after dinner, or join a gym together.

He'll see you're making an effort to maintain the lovely figure he fell in love with, and you can keep him from becoming a couch potato, too. Plus, any time you spend together is going to strengthen your relationship.

It's tragic to for small things to split marriages apart, but it happens all the time. There's no reason to let it happen to you. Remember that you love each other and do what you can to keep the fires burning.

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