My Unhappiness Is Yours

“You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.” Friedrich Nietzsche

When somebody you really love, you really care about hurts you emotionally and sometime even physically, what do you do? Do you get up, dust yourself up and keep on going or do you you stay there and scream from the top of your lounges for days, weeks, months or even years.

It can be hard, because those people were and maybe still are your friends, your family and they know everything about you. You shared with them all of your secrets, all of your dreams and desires, all of your goals. You trusted them and now they are using everything against you in order for you to experience pain and suffering. I really can’t explain why people act the way they do and why they insist on hurting the people they love over stupid little things. If you can watch how a huge fight starts and what is the reason, you will realize how insane we are. We fight over nothings all the time. It’s all small stuff, things that won’t matter after we are dead, things that won’t even matter after an hour, a day or maybe a week. We get so caught up in the middle of the confrontation that we can’t see or think clearly anymore. All that we know is that we have to make the other person feel horrible, miserable in order for us to feel good about ourselves, even is just for a moment. Most of the time, after the confrontation is over we realize how bad we feel about it and how much suffering we caused to ourselves and to those around us. We do it all the time and if you ask us why we won’t have a really good answer. It’s really sad and unhealthy to just go around and emotionally injure the people you love and care about. You might be stressed, you might have a lot on your mind and whenever something comes your way, it might be the smallest thing in the world, you explode.

That might not even be the truth, and that might not even be your real imagine about that person but in that moment you just want to hurt them and you say whatever comes to your mind and if you see that you don’t get a good result, if you see that they are not reacting, you pull the big guns. You use all those wonderful thing that they shared with you and you start laughing at them. You start telling them how stupid they are and how crazy to think and to believe that something like that could happen to them.

We all need friends that believe in us, people that encourage and support us. People that treat us with respect, with dignity. People that are able to see in us qualities that we did not know are there. We need people who can see us better than we are and people who can make us believe that what they see is true and achievable. This is exactly what we need in order for us to grow, in order for us to get better and better at everything we do. When you hear your best friend telling you that you are worthless, stupid and insane, how do you feel? How can you feel if not disappointed, down, sad and blue. How do you feel when your mother tells you that you are ugly, fat and stupid. We just don’t get it. We just don’t realize how damaging these words are. Words have the power to both destroy and heal and this is why we have to start paying closer attention to what we say.

If they don’t believe in us, how can we expect the rest of the world to do it? This is why it hurts so badly. Their opinion matters to us because we love and appreciate them, because they are our family, they are our friends and when they choose to hurt us, we will be damaged. These are wounds that can not be healed easily. You might have a fight with your partner and he might call you irresponsible, stupid and ugly and the next day he might tell you are the most beautiful and the most precious person on this earth. How does it sound? Crazy right? People are crazy. People do and people say crazy things all the time. If you are a really sensitive person who get’s hurt easily, you might want to look at things from a different perspective. You have to be strong and you have to choose to see clearly. It might only be a bad day, the stress, a frustration that they have, things that have nothing to do with, with what you do and who you are. It takes time and practice but you have to know exactly who you are and what are you really capable of doing. And don’t forget, we all have great potential and we all have precious gifts and talents and we are all special human beings. The moment you start to know yourself, your strengths and your weaknesses, the moment you get to really find yourself, who you really are deep down inside, you will not care so much about what they have to say. You won’t feel so hurt and you will begin to understand that all the pain that they are trying to cause you, it’s actually in them. They are the ones who are really suffering and they are trying to make you believe that there is something wrong with you. They are trying to make you fell bad in order for them to feel better. I know it sound strange but this it’s true.

I like how Wayne Dyer talks about it. He is saying that if for example, you take an orange and you squeeze it really hard, all that you will get is orange juice. It does not really matter where you squeeze it, how you squeeze it or who squeeze it. The result will be the same no matter what. If you squeeze an orange you will get that which is inside of an orange. You will get orange juice. The same applies to people. When somebody is saying only horrible things to you, when you hear them screaming and shouting, when you hear them talking about how you are driving them mad and how you are the cause of all their stress and problems, the cause of all their misery, what you need to do, is to understand that it’s not really you. It’s them. It was always them. They already had it in them, all of it and now they are blaming everybody around them for them feeling miserable, angry, mad, frustrated, depressed and so on.

When you squeeze a person you get what’s in that person. If they only have love and respect for themselves and the world they live in, all that you will get is love and respect, no matter how rude you are, no matter how much effort you put in trying to hurt them. You can’t squeeze and orange and hope to get kiwi juice right? The same with humans. So next time when somebody is trying to tell you how horrible you are, how stupid and angry they are because of you, just smile. Just smile and allow them to keep on deluding themselves.

And in case that you are the one who is stressed, enraged and depressed about everything those around you say and do, stop and think about the orange juice. When you start to look at things from this perspective, you will pay a lot more attention to what you say, think and do. You will pay a lot more attention to your beliefs and behaviors and you will see how things will get better and better and people nicer and nicer and only because of you and your new way of thinking.