My Wife Doesn't Initiate Sex: Why Does She Never Initiate Sex? Why Must I Beg For It?

Are you in a marriage where your wife doesn't initiate sex, but you really wish she would?

Well you're not alone in this at happened in my marriage, and many (if not most) other men's marriages too.

But it doesn't have to mean strife in the marriage, end of marriage, or even end of good sex in the marriage if you do things right...

Why a Wife Won't Initiate Sex...

Before we solve a problem we first have to understand that problem. When it comes to the problem where a wife doesn't initiate sex there are many things that you need to know to realize that you're marriage isn't necessarily in trouble. But it also doesn't necessarily mean it isn't in trouble either. I'll explain more about that in a minute.

But first let's get some things straight. Your wife isn't initiating sex because...well...she's not like you. She's wired differently than you. Just because you're RTG (ready to go) as soon as you wake up until you go to bed doesn't mean that your wife will be. Us guys get horny from every little thing every few seconds. It's just the way we're wired. We're externally motivated for sex, and so our brain drives our sex drive from a lot of imagery situations...and imagery is every darn place.

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Your wife however isn't like that. She doesn't look at a banana and get horny the way that we might look at erect nipples on a mannequin and be RTG, or other simple things that make us nearly Neanderthals. Your wife is turned on by emotional circumstances. Intimacy, erotic stories, happiness, security...all of these are the things that turn your wife on... and ironically are the things that bore us to death.

So unfortunately for all of us men in the world who get annoyed because our wives don't act like the women in porn and are RTG at the drop of a hat, or the unveiling of a penis...we have to get over it and learn to play the game.

We have to realize that if our wives are feeling things emotionally then they're not going to initiate sex with you because frankly they're not going to be in the mood for it. In fact the most that we may ever hope for as husbands is that our wives will be willing when we initiate, and take those single digit times that they do initiate as a bonus.

You see a lot of guys will get mad at their wives, will take it personal, and will constantly badger their wives about them not initiating sex, but they won't do anything to make the woman want sex more, much less initiate it.

So here's where the problem lies. If your wife doesn't initiate sex... or more so doesn't want sex when you initiate it, this could mean that she has some hidden (to you) negative thoughts about you and your marriage. Which means that your lack of sex, and your wife's lack of interest in sex could be indications that your marriage is more trouble than you think. It could also mean that she would be much more willing and open to an affair with someone that actually made her feel more positive thoughts.

So if your wife doesn't initiate sex then it could mean you're going about things wrong. It could also mean that this is becoming a deep seated problem in your marriage.

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Your wife is emotionally disconnected from you. You can feel the enormous gap that is between you two. She's just not the same person that you married. All of the love and affection that you once felt strongly from her is now replaced with silence and space. You love her and you wish things could go back to the way they were. They can. If you are determined to make your marriage work you need to understand what you can do to pull your wife back to you. Overcoming the emotional distance will help rebuild the bond that was there the day you two were married.

When you start to feel that your wife is emotionally disconnected from you, you'll likely set out to talk to her about it. Why wouldn't you? After all, we all know that open and honest communication is at the heart of any strong and lasting marriage. However, if you approach her from a place of expectation it's very possible that she'll retreat even further into herself. No one wants to be pushed into talking about their feelings if they aren't ready to. Your wife may not even fully realize that she's become so emotionally disconnected from you. If it has happened over the course of a period of months or years, she may just view it as part of the process of settling into marriage.

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You need to draw her out in your own way. You can begin doing that by talking to her more about general things including what's going on with her job or her life. Ask her questions and then listen carefully to the answers. Look for any clues in what she tells you. Sometimes a woman is experiencing so much stress with balancing everything in her life that her marriage begins to falter as a result of that. Her being distant may be the result of her emotions and attention having to be focused on other things.

Keep telling her how much you love her on a regular basis. If your wife has questioned your devotion to her in the past, that may be causing her to pull away from you. If she doesn't feel appreciated she'll start to withhold her feelings. No one wants to invest themselves emotionally in a relationship if they don't feel they're getting what they deserve in return. By focusing more on her feelings and what she needs from you, you'll ensure she will feel comfortable enough to start opening up to you again.

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If you have to make your wife fall in love with you, you can do some things to rekindle whatever real love was there by simply returning to the essentials of what got her to fall in love with you in the first place. There are numerous pathways to take when it comes to getting your wife to fall in love with you, and there are an enormous amount of resources you can draw on based on your past experiences. The best method for getting your wife to fall back in love with you is to return to the basics of what got her to fall in love with you in the first place.

It's important to show your wife that you care about her no matter what times she is going through. If your wife feels consistently loved through all her ups and downs, then she will be more likely to stick with you because she knows that intimate connection is there. You could also surprise and pamper her most visceral desires and make her feel like the treasure she is to you. Women know that men don't have to do surprises, and they are often transfixed and fall in love all over again when something like that happens.

You also need to create a sense of security for her because women are biologically geared toward a craving for innate security. It is nothing to be ashamed of that women want to find security with a man, and women and men should work together so that the woman feels secure and the man feels loved.

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It is also important to help your wife with the everyday chores she has to get along with. If your wife feels you are taking an interest in the mundane parts of her life, then she will be more likely to understand your difficulties and she will fall in love with you all over again for being her confidante in small maters. It is also important to listen to your wife because she may be saying the same thing over and over again, but you may not be listening.

You should also try to put the fire back in the romance, plan a romantic date together to somewhere special, and just give her some more space if she is not ready to see you yet.

Even if both spouses love each other sincerely, at times they might find themselves getting more and more distant from each other and getting close to a divorce. But like me, you too can take some steps into saving your marriage and turning it into a satisfying relationship.

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You and I know that being in a struggling marriage is the pits. It's like having a splinter stuck in your eye 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Even when you aren't arguing or being attacked by your spouse you are either consumed with anger and bitterness or thinking about your next plan of action to get even. Please read on to learn more about how to restore your relationship.

Have you ever been honest with yourself and rated your marriage on a scale of 1 to 10? I'm sure in the presence of others you probably would say an 8 but what about just between you and me? Would you give your marriage relationship a 5, 4 or 3? If you are constantly doing destructive things to each other, then I would guess that you are at least below 5 and could use a little boost to help in restoring or rebuilding your relationship.

Some Destructive Behaviors That Might Be Killing Your Marriage

Avoiding each other - Unless you are missing a few screws then you probably don't enjoy fighting and having your spouse say and do hurtful things to you. So if you are like most normal spouses the way you deal with your marriage misery is by avoiding being around him or her. You might find convenient reasons to work late or run errands or perhaps just be in separate rooms when in the home.

Although in the short-term you might feel better and relieved that you don't have to see your spouses beautiful face, in the long run it will be hard to restore your relationship. I believe once you start to get used to being apart from your spouse, and feeling good about it, you will become content being alone. You will start to have thoughts like "hey, it isn't that bad being distant and cold, maybe a separation would be good"?

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I know this is hard to believe but being around your spouse in the midst of the marriage difficulties is just what you need. I would recommend that you flip the switch and fight the urge to withdraw during the difficult days. Instead, intentionally make time to be around your spouse and not for the purpose of winning an argument or ripping him or her apart. Your goal is and should always be to make something positive out of a negative situation to help restore your relationship

Talking negatively about your spouse and marriage - One of the ways to stay miserable and defeated in your marriage is to feed off the negative stuff. There is nothing good that can come out of speaking bad about your spouse or your marriage. If you don't have anything good to say about your situation, don't say anything. Your marriage and your spouse must continue to be respected, despite the trials you are going through.

It doesn't matter if your spouse is spewing negative stuff about you and making you seem like an incompetent and incapable spouse. You must strive to keep your vows to love and cherish your spouse. Don't betray the trust of your spouse by talking behind his or her back. If you have hurt your spouse with negative or mean words, apologize and ask for forgiveness if you really want to end the misery in your marriage and restore your relationship.

Doing unto others as has been done unto you - It's difficult I must admit to not retaliate when you have been mistreated by your spouse. Your natural instincts kick in and before you know it you are going all out to make your spouse as unhappy and unfulfilled as you are.

The question is though, where do you think your marriage is headed with this type of behavior? At the very least you are going to have misery and discourse for the rest of your married lives. However, you more than likely will end up in a nasty divorce.

One of you must turn the tide and give more than you are receiving. Someone needs to carry the marriage from the pits to the mountain top. Why not let it be you?

The key is for you to treat your spouse how you want and expect to be treated. This means communicating, loving unconditionally, trusting, being respectful and helpful whenever possible. You can do it! I hope you believe that.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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