My Wife Is Not The Same Person I Married: My Wife Is Not Who I Thought She Was

She loves me, she loves me not. How do I get my wife to love me again, you ask? First ask yourself how sure you are that she does not love you. Fortunately, even if her love for you has waned it is likely you can fan those flames and revive her love and save your marriage.

Is there a particular event, like you cheating on her, that has thrown a monkey wrench into your marriage? I hope not, as getting her to love you again is much easier without there having been a serious breech of trust like that.

Have you treated her badly, or, more likely, have you just not shown her the love and attention that you should have?

Spouses in a marriage often, in fact frequently, find themselves drifting apart over time simply because of misplaced priorities caused by the stresses of living in the world of today.

Jobs, money, kids, health problems, family issues, you name it and it can wreak havoc in your marriage. Sometimes those things pit your wife against you and cause her to fall out of love with you.

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But often it is simply a matter of neglecting each other and your marriage. That can be corrected with some help.

The problem of one time soul mates becoming more like roommates sharing the same house is so prevalent in society today that it even became an underlying theme in a recent major motion picture.

Perhaps you do go out on "dates" with your wife, but is it so routine that it is not even fun anymore? Chances are that "other" things in your marriage are routine also, if occurring at all.

When there are things you like to do together, you need to make sure that you carve out time to do them. This needs to happen on a regular and often basis. I say often because you might argue that once per year is regular!

Maybe you once enjoyed hiking, or bowling, or even going to a concert or a movie together. Do you still do those things?

Sure, kids add complexities; that is what grandparents are for. (I know, many grandparents think only of themselves with regards to your kids and never give a thought to actually HELPING OUT!)

Find a reliable sitter, and spend time alone with each other. It is going to take time to "get to know each other" again, so do not rush it.

Start right now by consciously making eye contact more often with your wife and smiling when doing so. Let her know that she is on your mind and that you still love her, care for her and want to get her to love you again like she used to.

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Trey didn't mean anything by it...he was just surfing the internet one evening and found himself at a dating website. He wasn't intending to create an account, but, before he knew it, he did just that.

None of this would have been a problem except for the fact that Trey is married and he wants to stay married. The evening when he created an account on the online dating site, he was feeling restless, bored and lonely.

It seems that his wife is always busy with other people and things besides him. When the two of them are home alone together-- which feels like a rarity-- they always do the same things. They share a meal, watch some television or a movie and then go to bed...sometimes they have sex.

But, even when they do have sex, they make love in the same ways that they've always made love. Trey wonders if his very predictable, non-spontaneous and dull marriage is partly why he visited that dating site and created an account.

What Trey does next can either make or break his marriage. It's his decision whether he will continue down this path and possibly end up involved in an online affair which may lead he and his wife to get a divorce...or he can make a different choice.

Trey could re-focus his energy and attentions back to his wife and their marriage. He can start to do things that will possibly help he and his wife move closer together again.

One way Trey could do this is to start dating his wife.

Even if you've never logged onto an online dating website and created an account, you might also be feeling bored and restless with your marriage. You could also choose to date your wife in order to improve the connection, passion and enjoyment of your relationship.

What if your spouse don't love you anymore? Here's how to get them addicted to you like when you fell in love for the first time

Why would I date someone I'm already married to?
You might have mixed feelings when you think about dating. Perhaps, for you, approaching women and asking them out on a date was emotionally difficult and possibly even painful.

Maybe you dated a lot of women before you met the woman who is now your wife and maybe you only dated a few. Your wife may have been the only woman you ever truly dated.

One thing for certain is that, regardless of whether the date itself was a total bust or an absolute "home run," you probably felt alive and excited.

This is why it's a great idea to date your wife. If you want to infuse your marriage with more passion and life, ask her out on a date.

You could call her on the phone and, as if you're not already married, invite her to meet for coffee, to go dancing, for a hike in the woods or whatever activity would be enjoyable for both of you.

It's probably best to take her on a date and do some activity that will allow you two to focus in on one another and not on a band, movie, lecture, etc. If you do choose something like a movie or concert for your date, be sure you include plenty of time during your date for one-on-one time where you two can really talk and look each other in the eye.

Learn and do something new.
In the past, when you went on a date with a woman you didn't know well, you probably were curious. Maybe you asked her a lot of questions about what she likes and dislikes in order to get to know her better. She probably asked you questions too.

As completely as you believe you know your wife, for the evening, forget all that you think you know about her. Get curious and ask her questions. If your evening ends with the two of you in bed being sexually intimate, explore her body and find out what she likes the most.

The goal here is to return your focus to each other and to tap into that excitement and sense of eagerness to know more about this attractive and interesting person in your life. No matter how many years you've been married, there is ALWAYS something new for you to learn and do together.

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A man's ideal marriage is filled with sex on demand, kind of like watching the latest pay per view fight on HBO. At least that's what the average Joe newlywed would say. But you're not average. Why not be open to considering what's important, even meaningful to your wife, and then give it to her? You'd be amazed at how your relationship can be ignited when you express your care and concern for her. I've included several tips that are guaranteed to spice things up, or at least get her attention.

You don't have to do anything too outrageous, just start simple. Go get her flowers and have them waiting for her when she comes home from work at night. But don't stop there. Forget about the tiny card that accompanies floral arrangements. Go the extra mile by buying a card at Hallmark or wherever, and make sure it includes a special message that will touch her heart. It doesn't have to be cheesy or something that's not you-just make sure it is meaningful. For example, tell her one thing that you appreciate about her.

Another way your wife will get the idea that you care about her is what I call the "puzzle poem." This one takes it up a notch. Not only will this idea take a bit more preparation time, but you'll need to pull out all the stops since you'll be expressing yourself - in an intimate emotional way - that she may appreciate, but which may make you somewhat uncomfortable.

Go to a crafts store and buy a small white puzzle that you can write on, along with a small metal tin. Take some time to craft a poem to your wife, and tell her why you love her. Make it short, simple and sweet, because it's got to fit on the puzzle. Once you've got the poem to your liking, write it on the blank puzzle, then break up the puzzle and put it in the metal tin. Present it to your wife at the most opportune moment, saying, I wanted to give you something special, "just because."

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The third way you can add some spice back into to your marriage -- or get your wife's attention -- is by targeting an area of your marriage that guys typically tend to fall short on. I'm talking about communication, in particular listening to your spouse, but on an ongoing, consistent basis.

Here's a common scenario I'll use for illustration purposes. Instead of grunting in response to your wife's words behind the safety of the Wall Street Journal or whatever paper you read on a daily basis, make it a habit to give her your full, undivided attention. Interact with her. Put the paper down and try looking in her eyes when she's speaking.

If you're up to it, you may want to ask clarifying questions, such as, "what I hear you saying is ___. Is that right?" Or, "could you explain what you mean by that?" Though this may radically go against your instinct, when you make a commitment to do this regularly, you'll very likely find your relationship going to another level.

Think of what it would be like if your wife started responding to you altogether differently; wouldn't that be worth a little effort? You could do wonders for your relationship by doing the little things that add up big time, by implementing some of my suggestions. Whichever method you choose, you'll be communicating that you cherish her and your relationship. You could: (1) present her with flowers along with a note of appreciation (2) do the "puzzle poem" or (3) change your communication style by consistently listening to her when she's talking to you.

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Marriage has changed over the years.

It used to be that men were the breadwinners, the heads of households and the decision-makers in a marriage. This, of course, was the predominant image of pre-1950s and 1960s heterosexual couples in the U.S., although there were most definitely exceptions to this.

The role of men in marriages and committed love relationships shifted somewhat in the 1970s and has continued to change ever since then.

While the more traditional man of decades past tended to be tough and reliable-- the "rock" of the family-- as women began to enter the workforce in larger numbers and as ideas about gender roles evolved, so too did expectations of men.

As these changes gradually occurred, many men began to express their "softer" sides. It became more acceptable for men to cry, show emotion or admit it when they felt vulnerable. The women in their lives played the role of the "rock" and decision-maker in the family as much as (and sometimes more than) they did.

Many of today's men find themselves in confusing times.

The standards for what it is to be a man in a marriage have changed-- somewhat. Both men and women maintain a blend of expectations about masculinity and the role of a man in a relationship that can be conflicting and contradictory.

The future of men in marriages is by no means clear today.

What is clear is this:

If you are a man and you are married, it's likely that you want to do whatever you can to help make your relationship healthy and long-lasting. At the same time, you probably want to enjoy your marriage and feel that your needs are being met within the relationship.

Here are a couple of tips to help you navigate the potentially confusing waters of being a married man in today's world...

What do I really need to do to make my spouse love me again? Is it possible to build massive attraction in my spouse?

To learn the killer, advanced strategies to save your marriage, simply click here!

Be authentic.
Know what it is that is most important to you. This doesn't just mean what you think that your woman values and wants you to value. Be clear within yourself about what you most care about and what your goals for your future are.

Too often, men go out of their way to try to please and keep their woman happy, at all costs. For some, this means biting back how they truly feel about a situation or doing things that they wouldn't otherwise do.

You can be a "liberated" man and still be honest and upfront about what you think and how you feel.

There are specific ways to communicate about even the most difficult topics that will actually promote connection in your relationship instead of causing tension.

The phrase, "I respect that your perspective is different from mine and......" as well as "I love you and..." are just two ways to preface your point of view and also keep the discussion open and honest.

Step up.
Another potentially negative side effect of the evolution of men in marriage is the propensity to step back and allow the woman to lead-- all of the time and even when the man has a strong compulsion to do something different.

For whatever reason, some men will defer to their women to the point that those men end up resentful, angry and paralyzed. This is in no way saying that women are always (or ever) controlling wenches while men are always (or ever) weak wimps.

The dynamics between a couple are always more complicated than that.

What is most important here is for you to step up in your relationship.

Set aside your perception that your woman "always has to have it her way"-- which may or may not be true. Instead, listen to what you are being called from within to do and be. Listen and engage with your partner too.

Share with your partner and, together, set a course that will allow you both to feel powerful and in charge of your own lives.

Sometimes stepping up means that you are "man" enough to really listen and follow what your partner proposes. Other times stepping up means that you lead the way.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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