Negative Empowerment

Empowerment, that’s a good thing ~ right? Any time we have the ability to empower someone to do their best or make good decisions, it’s a positive in their life. So how do we get caught in the trap of negative empowerment? And what exactly is negative empowerment?

Have you ever noticed what happens when you validate someones negative feelings? Have you ever had the experience of being a passenger on a road trip and have another driver cut you off? The moment you say something like, “What’s with that guy, I can’t believe he just cut you off?” How does the driver of your car respond? My experience ~ the moment my driver’s feelings are validated he becomes empowered to retaliate. It’s funny because I’ve actually put this to the test. When I say nothing, my driver does nothing. Almost like it never even happened. But when I make a comment, look out! We are headed full speed down that road trying to catch up because retaliation is in play.

It can happen with our children also when siblings pick on each other. As a parent there is a fine line that we walk. Knowing when to step in and when to keep quiet so they learn to work it out themselves, is important. When we do decide to intervene and address an injustice, have you noticed how the child who feels he is being “picked on” escalates the situation? Even when you stay neutral, the “picked on” child is empowered negatively if they feel we’ve taken sides. It becomes so much worse as soon as they feel we’ve validated their feelings.

Emotions are complex. Rather than having control over their emotions, many people allow their emotions to control them. And as soon as they realize someone else sees it the same way they see it, those emotions take over and the situation is headed in a bad direction. I used to think I was just at the mercy of other people and their dysfunctional emotions. But once I realized how my words were empowering them to react in a negative way, I was able to see I had power in the situation and could choose different. How awesome ~ the power of awareness!