Negative People In Your Life

I am a sporadic sleeper, so I have many nights when I am up at 3am. There is really nothing to do at this hour aside from flipping through 321 television channels, and finding nothing good to watch. Then, I try to surf the Internet, but I slowly lose interest. Finally, I try and go back to sleep. But the images from the television and Internet slowly began to pop into my mind.

I remember all the blogs that I skimmed over. Blogs with generic and search engine friendly titles like, “7 Ways to Avoid Negative People.” Or Three Good Tips on How to Deal with Difficult People.” Then, the movie, “The Fly” pops into my mind. Yes, it was the only movie that managed to hold my attention at 3.10am.

It is a remake of a 1958s classic, where some crazy scientist conducts an experiment that goes terribly wrong. The title of the movie is pretty much self-explanatory; the scientist turns into a hybrid man/fly. I know it sounds utterly ridiculous, but the movie has great special effects, and the acting is incredibly convincing. Then, I had a brilliant idea. What if I could merge the two?

I’m not someone who likes to toot my own horn. However, I can say that I have had a great deal of experience dealing with toxic, negative people. The blanket answer that I searched on the Internet is just to avoid these people. I believe that this is a very unrealistic solution, because everyone has positive and negative traits. We all have times when we are self-absorbed, manipulative, condescending, narcissistic, needy, and selfish. However, these kinds of behaviors become problematic, when people start looking for others to feed on.

These people are toxic. They are like the mad scientist in the movie, “The Fly.” Like a bad experiment, something in their lives had gone terribly wrong. Perhaps they were victims of abuse? Or some other traumatic event that turned them into a hybrid monster? They are needy, controlling, and manipulative because they don’t know how to generate the feelings of love, joy, and fulfillment in their own lives.

So they prey on the weaknesses of others. Like a fly, they gravitate toward decaying matter, because they want to make you “decay in matter.” They want you to feel bad about yourself. They want you to feel unworthy; they want you to feel guilty, and unloved. Remember, these people cannot generate their own positive emotions. So very much like a hybrid man fly, they have to vomit on you, break you down, and suck all of your goodness out.
These are the people that you hate to be around. However, they can be difficult to avoid especially if they are a parent, spouse, or troubled child. Do not suppress your emotions. If these people make you angry, then get angry. If these people make you sad, then be sad. If they make you feel guilty, then feel guilty. If you don’t allow these emotions to flow, you’re going to cringe every time these people come around you. And you are going to continue to give your power away, by giving them the satisfaction they long for. Don’t give anyone permission to hurt you. And don’t suppress your emotions.

The best way to deal with toxic, negative people is to treat them like they are characters in a movie. Watch them and be entertained, become fascinated by the fact that they can generate these kinds of emotions inside of you. Enjoy the special effects, the drama, and the compelling storyline. Then walk away understanding that the emotions that they made you feel, stem from their own issues, not yours. This is the spiritual concept known as detachment. Being detached is not about being uncaring. It is about being strong and impervious, so no one’s venom will be able to melt you down.