Newly Married And Miserable: Married And Miserable What To Do - Find Out Here!

Marriage was created to bring two individuals together to become like one. It is supposed to allow two people to join together and bring joy and happiness into their lives. Unfortunately, often times after the first few years, joy and happiness turns into turmoil and drama and you end up with a miserable marriage.

Miserable marriages sometimes result in years of mental, physical and emotional stress that ends up in divorce court. Over 2 million Americans divorce each year which is a very troubling statistic. The divorces not only hurt the parents but many times children are hurt as well. So how can you go about changing your miserable marriage? As you know, every situation is different and there isn't a one size fits all approach to improving marital situations. But there are some practical things that can be done. If any of these fit your situation I hope they give you some thoughts to get you started in fixing your miserable marriage.

1. Write down the top 5 things that are going on in your marriage that are making you miserable. By writing down the things that are making you most unhappy you will be able to measure if you are making progress in your marriage. Often times, couples are so angry and frustrated they tend to forget what's driving them crazy. They argue and fight because that's what they are accustomed to doing.

2. Make an agreement with yourself that these are the 5 things you want to focus on improving in your marriage. There may be many other things that could use fixing but you will fail if you try to fix everything at once.

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3. Review the 5 things that are contributing to your miserable marriage and determine which one you have the ability to help fix the most. For example, if not spending enough time with your spouse is making you miserable, what changes can you make in your schedule to make sure you have more time available. Maybe your spouse spends a lot of their free time at home working on work things. Think about ways you can handle other things he or she does and this way the extra time you freed up for them belongs to you.

4. After you fix the easiest item on the list don't replace it with another problem. Move on to the next one you think you can conquer. If you just keep adding new problems to the top 5 list you will forever have a miserable marriage.

5. Let your spouse know the top 5 things that are making your marriage miserable and you want to improve your marriage. This must be done in a non-confrontational way. Your spouse shouldn't feel like you are nagging or looking to start a fight. If your message is delivered with love and sincerity your spouse should be attentive and understanding. Don't use words like fix or correct but rather use words like improve and strengthen.

6. Celebrate the things that are going well in your miserable marriage. If there is nothing to celebrate than when you scratch off one of those things on your list that's contributing toward your miserable marriage then celebrate the victory.

There are many reasons why couples have a wonderful dating relationship and many reasons why that relationship becomes a miserable marriage. There are pressures and stresses placed on a marriage that sometimes make it feel like a hot air balloon sitting on a bed of needles, ready to pop any minute. There is no reason why the pressures have to result in a miserable marriage. Giving up and getting divorced should be the very, very, very last resort. Your miserable marriage can get better.

Start with the 5 most important things to you and work on fixing those things. Your spouse will see the effort you are making and before you get to fix the most important problem in your miserable marriage you may be working on it together.

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When you no longer happy in your marriage, life is miserable. It may seem like there is no hope left at all, and you may just want to give up. Don't give up! You CAN be happy in your marriage again.

When you got married, you swore to love each other through thick and thin, sickness and health. Life was good when you were first married. You were both happy. So, what happened?

Communication is a must in any marriage. But most people think of communication as talking.

There are other ways of communicating with your spouse. Physical contact is a form of communication. Doing something special for your spouse is another way. Yet another way of communicating would be help your spouse without being asked.

Always be honest with your spouse. From my own experience, hiding something from your spouse, whether it be something big or small, wears you down. The truth always comes out sooner or later, and no matter how hard it may be, always be truthful with each other.

When one of you is having a hard time, both of you are. The tension one spouse feels quickly transfers to the other person, leaving you both feeling miserable. When you wonder what to do in an unhappy marriage, make yourself smile. That may sound corny, but it really works.

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People are drawn to happy people. If you make yourself smile, it will get easier and easier. You will start to feel better, and so will your spouse.

Couples in unhappy marriages share something in common - they don't feel like their partner loves them anymore. They don't get the attention they crave, and the couple drifts further and further apart.

Take some time out just to be with your spouse. Have a nice quiet dinner at home, relax and read the paper or watch tv.

Tell your spouse that you love them. They may feel like you don't love them anymore, and may be acting differently because of it. When one spouse shows or tells the other that they love the other, it is usually reciprocated.

When a marriage is unhappy, find little ways to make it better. All marriages go through this at one time or another. It's not the end of your marriage. It is simply a turn in the road. Life is what you make it, and so is marriage. Do something fun together, express your love towards your spouse.

Make yourself feel better, and you will see that your spouse feels better, too. When the tension of an unhappy marriage lifts, you will soon find happiness again.

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I see young couples all the time who think that their relationship is hopeless. What is occurring is that they don't have the tools to create a happy marriage and they are tempted to give up easily to get out of their pain.

The first tool in their healing is abstaining from the use of all alcohol and drugs for a period of time. A lot of partners numb themselves with these substances and then make really poor choices. Using alcohol and drugs has been around for a long time but many young couples I see today seem to think that daily use doesn't interfere with their lives.

The problem is that with alcohol, people often will fight more and become disconnected. This issue might have been resolved easily not under the influence of alcohol. Can you remember a time when you both were drinking that you had a fight with your spouse over something insignificant that ended in hurt feelings?

With marijuana the partner is sedated and feels little motivation to resolve conflict. They may feel, "It doesn't matter, "So what", "Whatever" "What's the use" and ignore important issues. Left unresolved, differences between partners fester, build resentment and cause a divide.

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So when they both agree to go substance free the real issues will surface. Maybe one spouse never initiates sex and leaves the other spouse not feeling desirable. This "undesired spouse" is triggered into old feelings of not being treated special and cherished as a child. This ignored partner gets grumpy, sullen or distant and has a "Joint".

The other partner has resentment that their spouse looks at other women or pornography frequently. In therapy we talk about showing your spouse physical love and pushing through their sexual inhibitions from child hood. This partner asks for understanding, forgiveness and a more positive attitude in return. This partner was self medicating their unhappiness with drugs and alcohol too.

This is just one example of the issues a couple could be having. Without sobriety the likelihood of issues being resolved is slim. No generation except in for Prohibition times hasn't enjoyed having something to relax and have a good time. This is just a reminder that facing our issues in a marriage takes using all of your senses. No one is wrong here. This is just meant to be a wake up call.

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"A truly good wife is the most precious treasure that a man could find!" Proverbs 31:10

1. Tell him you love him frequently. Surprise him by leaving love notes in his lunch bag or maybe on the seat of his car. Be imaginative and creative when you impart your love. Love is an action word and it calls for movement. Share with him that not only do you want to be his companion, but his lover and best friend. Tell him how important he is to you each and every day.

2. Spend quality time together. Make pleasurable plans for the weekend. If you have children, get a babysitter and make the weekend all about him. Have breakfast together. Purposefully make time to just sit and talk. Be totally connected to him by listening carefully with your ears and eyes. Sometimes having some shoulder-to-shoulder activities together, without having to talk, is also relaxing. Maybe go for a quiet walk on the beach together. From time to time he may just want to enjoy your companionship-without conversation.

3. Acknowledge his areas of interest. Always let him know that you appreciate him because of who he is by expressing specific reasons. Be his "pillar of support" by finding ways to uplift him and applaud him for his success as a leader, husband, father, role model, business man, and all other aspects of his life. Do things together that he enjoys, even if it's not your favorite thing to do. Remember, it cannot always be all about you.

4. Give up control to eliminate power struggles. Stop controlling your husband's life. If you find yourself telling your husband what to do, what to wear, what to eat, how to look, where to work, and even deciding who his friends should be, STOP! You cannot be the boss of him and expect him to not become resentful. Recognize that when you begin to feel the desire to control him, you may be dealing with some internal fears that have nothing to do with the matter at hand. Write down a few situations where you found yourself controlling your husband. For each situation, ask yourself what were you afraid of? Was losing intimacy worth your need to control?

"When a man does not feel loved just the way he is, he will either consciously or unconsciously repeat the behavior that is not being accepted. He feels an inner compulsion to repeat the behavior until he feels loved and accepted."-John Gray

What do I really need to do to make my spouse love me again? Is it possible to build massive attraction in my spouse?

To learn the killer, advanced strategies to save your marriage, simply click here!

5. Communicate with love. Speak to your spouse with respect and reference. Always speak in the affirmative. Express your true feelings even if it's a sensitive subject. Never assume your spouse can read your mind and know how you feel. You must open your heart and tell the unspoken truth.

6. Give him space and time to be alone. Personal quiet time is necessary for self-development. At times when his mind is clouded and filled with distractions, do not crowd or badger him. Give him space and time to think things over and recover. After coming home from a long day at work, he would appreciate a little time to unwind from his day. Refrain from being that wife who starts complaining about her day and demanding his immediate attention as soon as he walks through the door.

7. Do not give societal and religious duties more significance than your spouse. God first, your spouse second, and everything else must come after that, including religious matters.

8. Never forget the reasons why you married him. Keep these reasons paramount in your mind and share those with him from time to time. Differences and disagreements will always exist. However, you married him because he was unparalleled and different.

9. Set family goals together. Discuss specific family goals and work diligently to achieve them. These objectives could be long or short term. Working together to achieve such greatness will improve and strengthen your bond as husband and wife.

10. Pray for your husband. He cannot fight in the ring and in the corner. Pray that God leads him with a spirit of excellence and that he becomes a pioneer in his home and community. Pray with him and for him, so that he will enjoy God's best throughout his life.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

Author's Bio: 

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