No Communication Between Husband And Wife: How To Improve Communication In Marriage

Communication plays an important role to save marriage. A lot of couples today fail to keep their marriage due to lack of communication. That is why they become faced with plenty of problems during their marriage that sometimes force them to go their separate ways. Having an open line of communication can often save a marriage. There are four steps in communication that couples should know about and practice.

The first step is through open communicating. Marriage usually fails due to lack of communication. Resentment usually builds up when couples keep their emotions bottled up instead of talking to their respective partners. There will definitely come a time where every pent up emotion will be released which will then result to arguments and petty problems. The best way to overcome this is to be level headed when talking to your partner about any unsolved issues. If a partner finds something that he or she doesn't like about the other, he or she should not hesitate say it. After all, your partner will not know if there is any problem when communication doesn't happen.

The second step to keeping your marriage safe is listening. Partners should take the time to listen to one another. Couples should bear in mind that hearing and listening are two different things. Listening is what is needed in order to fully understand what the other is saying. Couples should listen and let the other say everything he or she has to say before reacting to them.

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Processing is the third step to improving your marriage through communication. When couples have finished saying what they needed to say, they should process and understand all the points that were raised. It is important for couples to think about what the other has said and make a plan on how to resolve them.

The final step to better marriage communication is to resolve any issues. Partners should always remain calm when problems arise because shouting and screaming will not help. When resolving any issues, husbands and wives should talk to one another on how to solve the problem to give the other an idea on the things they should be doing together to resolve conflict and save the marriage. This will increase the chances of keeping marriage alive in the long run.

These steps in communication are definitely effective when it comes to saving marriages. Couples should be aware of these steps if they want to keep their relationship alive. Learning effective communication skills might be hard at first, but it is much better than resorting to divorce when the relationship turns bad.

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I continue to be in awe of the couples who come to my office for help with their relationships. It takes courage to admit that your relationship is not where you would like it to be and to ask for help. Learning how to communicate with your partner more effectively and to better understand what he or she is trying to communicate to you will help the two of you get your relationship back on track.

Oftentimes, one person says something that is not clearly understood by the other. It's almost as if two different languages are being spoken. So it sounds like you are saying something (in Greek) that your partner is hearing (in Swahili). When a message is misinterpreted, a cycle begins. In this cycle, a pattern of action and reaction will occur that you won't even be aware of. In effect, a negative feedback loop is tripped. The situation becomes even more complicated when something has been said that triggers an internal defensive reaction in either of you. You will most likely not be aware of the trigger of origin. All you will know is that you feel upset or uncomfortable by the words that have been spoken.

We take for granted that we are speaking the same language as our partner. Even though we may be able to repeat back exactly what our partner said, what was said may mean something totally different to him or her than it means to you. Therefore, a seemingly benign request, such as, "Take out the trash," may actually mean, "If you love me you will do things to make our home more pleasant." So the message was never really about the garbage; there was an underlying, hidden meaning to the message.

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When we listen to our partner, we are often rehearsing our part of the conversation and not really hearing everything that is being said to us. We always want to feel connected to our partner and feel safe in our relationship. So we listen through our own special filter, which is a lens that protects the most vulnerable part of ourselves.

To improve your communication with your partner:

1. Listen with your eyes, as well as with your ears.

2. Be aware of your partner's body language. Notice what is being said, as well as his or her facial expression or posture. Are they congruent?

3. NEVER assume you fully understand what your partner is saying. If you feel the least bit confused or if your partner looks like you just spoke in Tongues when you answered him or her, talk to one another to gain clarity.

Deconstructing the hidden meanings and filters that get in the way of understanding and connecting with your partner is not a Herculean task. It just takes patience and the willingness to focus on your partner and ask for clarification when he or she says something that you are not sure of.

Developing the ability to truly communicate with your partner will build a bridge to a happy and secure relationship. The good news is that you can learn how to understand what your partner really means when he or she says something. With the right support, you can also begin to feel safe enough to ask for clarification when something is said that derails your relationship.

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My husband and I went through a very rocky patch about four years into our marriage. Looking back, I realize just how close we came to divorce. We didn't, though, because I looked at ways of how to save my marriage. Below are the steps we both took.

Time

Sure, you've heard this before. But, it's true. Make time for each other. Not just a minute here or there, but actual, sit down and listen to one another time. Remove all possible interruptions. I.E. Turn off your cell phones, the TV, and your computers. Then turn your attention to each other to talk and truly listen.

Love Letters

Remind yourself why you fell in love by writing love letters to your spouse. This might feel a bit hokey at first, but push past it. Write about the qualities in your partner that you love. Write down one of your favorite memories of something you and your partner did together. Focus on happy times and memories.

Have A Date

Far too many couples fall into the trap of thinking that once you are married you no longer need to do anything special with your partner. This is not true! One of the best ways to reconnect when you are wondering how to save my marriage is by going out on dates. If you have kids, get a babysitter. Dates are grown-up only events. Don't forget to dress up for your dates. Make them special nights, just like your dates were before you got married.

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Your Spouse Is #1

Do you have kids? A job? Take an honest look at your actions to determine if you are putting your spouse last on your list of priorities. Yes, there are many times when you need to put your children first, only when necessary. If you realize that you have been putting your children and/or your job ahead of your spouse, change it. Make your partner feel important by putting him first. Trust me when I say that one action can go a long way towards repairing a damaged marriage.

Help Your Partner

Look at your spouse's life and figure out what you can do to help him. If you cannot figure anything helpful to do, ask your spouse. In my case, I didn't realize that keeping the family room clean would help my husband. When I asked what I could do to help him, he told me to keep that room tidy, that seeing it messy day after day made him feel angry and elevated his stress level.

Show Love

When was the last time you kissed your spouse for no reason? Held his hand? Gave him a hug? If you can't remember, then show some form of affection the very next time you see him.

All of the steps I've discussed above were helpful for me and my husband. They are simple and you can start them today. In my case, I went from wondering how to save my marriage to getting ready to celebrate our 18th wedding anniversary.

Couples can love one another and yet find themselves drifting apart and headed for a divorce. There are steps you can take, with or without the aid of your spouse to get your marriage back into the loving place it once was.

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Save my Marriage

How to save your marriage is a complicated issue which is faced by many couples every day. The problem of a marriage in difficulty is that when things have reached the point where the marriage seems to be "failing" is often the point where both halves of the partnership feel they have had enough of struggling. The symptoms of a truly failing marriage are unmistakable. To know the difference between a "rocky patch" and a marriage which is already in free-fall you need to ask yourself certain honest questions.

- Is communication at an all time low? Have you both ceased to talk to one another completely?

- Is one half of the couple living somewhere other than the marital home?

- Is there a third party involved? In other words, are you or your spouse having an affair?

- Has there been any violence?

If you can answer yes to any one of the above questions then it is probably that your marriage really is in difficulties. But the good news is that things can very often be salvaged. Caring enough to want to save your marriage is a starting point from which real success may be achieved. The first thing to establish is whether or not your partner wants to save the marriage as much as you do.

What is marriage?

Marriage in a nutshell is a commitment to another person to offer them unconditional love for the rest of your lives. True marriage is about sharing the good times and the bad with equal responsibility; helping one another to reach personal goals and working as a couple to reach shared goals. Often, the difficulties which arise in a marriage are due to a lack of agreement on core issues. Some of the most common reasons for a failed marriage are as follows:

- An affair

- One half of the couple wants to have children but the other does not.

- Money troubles

- Mental illness

- Addiction

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Quite often there is an imbalance in a failing relationship; one half of the couple may have all but given up and may see no point in continuing. If you have spent a lot of time embroiled in arguments then this is very wearing and your spouse may feel that a life alone would be a relief. In cases like this, it is important to re-establish communication and that is best done with the help of a professional councillor.

Having another person present to hear your grievances can be a relief and couples counselling can offer a way through to one another without the arguments and patterns of behaviour which have contributed to the current situation.

Try to offer this as a solution to your spouse; if they are receptive to the idea then you are halfway to success already. Saving a marriage is all about being willing to try.

What happens if my spouse says they don't want to try?

This can be a heartbreaking situation to find yourself in. You feel powerless and devastated as you cannot seem to get through to your spouse. In this situation it is often very helpful to take a step away from the situation. Go to stay with friends and benefit from the peace of mind which comes of being with supportive friends or relatives; if you can, think about taking a short holiday alone too. This can provide a chance for you to re-centre yourself and to remember who you are and what you really want.

Sometimes, partners who are convinced they want to give up on their marriage feel differently when their husband or wife takes the initiative and goes away; it paints a realistic picture of what life without their loved one might be like... and that can be enough to galvanise them into action and try to work things through.

A marriage which was once good can be good again. It takes time, effort and commitment but it is possible to save a marriage on the rocks.

Now Listen Carefully-

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Author's Bio: 

50% of people divorce. Do not be another statistic. You Can Save Your Marriage These powerful techniques will allow you to trust again and ignite the fire and passion back into your relationship. Save Your marriage today! Click Here

Divorce does not have to be your only option. Even if it feels as though your relationship can't be saved because of the ongoing conflicts between you and your spouse, it can be. There are techniques that you can begin using today that will not only stop a divorce, but will help also you build a stronger and more loving marriage.

Do you have a unique situation? Discuss your marriage problems on our forum. We can help you find a great loving relationship! Go to: RelationshipTalkForum.com